shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Takoyaki are balls of flour normally filled with tenkasu, pickled ginger, green onions and, most importantly, minced or diced octopus. It is a popular food in Japan.

 

Lissa grins at him. "You just seem so incredibly happy with him. It's adorable."

"You have clearly never been to Costco on a Sunday afternoon."

Lissa sighs. "Also...in many dimensions, that would be racist as fuck."

Lissa's eyes boggle. "I was mad at you. Why would you think I was flirting?" She shakes her head. "No. I still think you were fucking with me. That's much more in line with your normal behaviour. Usually dominant men do not even find me attractive once I start talking, unless they think I'm a challenge and that just pisses me way the hell off."

 

Uh, because it doesn't fit the torrid fantasy? Not that you really fit the torrid fantasy either. You're sort of... You know, embarrassing? It's the yelling, mostly. Turn it down like three notches.

There's an unbelievable number of people who flirt harder when they're angry. It's great, actually, works out for me real well. [He's still grinning.]

Anyways, just because we're incompatible in the sack doesn't mean you aren't sexy or whatever. And plenty of the fixers I know talk a lot of hard shit because they don't like admitting how much they love to... bottom, sub, whatever. Job hazard, probably.

 

*Just sort of climbs into Jordi's lap because he's not going to even deal with this giant penis monster. He has one of those in his life already, thanks.*

 

[He goes back to pettins. And hands Marcus a jack&coke. They both need drinks now.]

 

There is no shame to be had in one's size, mortal. I feel not embarrassment, but pride. Gwahahahaha!

 

-a bit nonplussed- Agreed. What have you been doing besides knitting?

-dials Mara down with extreme prejudice- I did not mean that, I mean´t you.

 

I am Mara, The Evil One, The King of Desire, the Evil Prince, a Demon Lord, and a General of our unholy army. Gaze upon my magnificence! Gwahahahahahahahaha!

 

Ford sighs. "We've been through this before, sweetheart. Cultural expectations." He scratches her ears. "Sometimes, apes can't tell the difference between the way I divine what you want and provide it and another man playing with a pet."

Then he looks up at Jordi. "Men who don't notice the way she seizes up, looks revolted and pulls away when they engage in dominant behaviour displays don't strike me as very intelligent, though. You forget how stupid some people actually are. We go to parties with very strict rules or we meet each other's partners first. On both sides, it's a matter of safety. She wants people to know what she's trusting them with. I want to be sure that anyone else who plays with her knows how to treat her right."

 

Watching, mostly. Most of our siblings didn't seem up to the task when we split, but someone has to make sure a certain someone stays in his time-out box. Hasn't really been anything dangerous enough to merit intervention, for better or worse.

 

Lissa grins at him. "You like me," she says. "Someday we're probably even gonna be friends." She is the melty catte. It's her. "Honestly, Jordi, I think that's more important. There's a lot of people out there we can fuck. We can't fuck each other, but for all that these conversations have worn me completely out, I feel better than I have in a while. I mean if I'm gonna have to face my issues..."

 

*Snuggles in and happily sips* What the fuck

 

Hygiene doesn't mean much if you don't wrap it up.

Nope. Not much for buying anything in bulk but ammo and stump killer.

Maybe, but none of the aliens I've met in mine are green, so anything attached to you that is needs some antibiotics at the least. I'm sure I'm a real unhealthy color to somebody out there.

 

Right, you are certainly all of that.

I´m going to say better. I would be greatly displeased to hear you aquired another war in my absence and failed to call me.

 

Sure, whatever. I'm just saying, for a lust demon, you're pretty unsexy.

Buddy, my impression of everyone is 'dumber than bricks'. But it's rude or something to say that, so I apparently have to 'give them the benefit of the doubt'. I'm guessing this is one of those wis/int moments though, because I figure most people just don't care.

Therapists. They're great. Seriously, get one, they work wonders. Haven't killed someone for looking at me in months, and that's some goddamn progress, right?

Yeah, this is one of those weird sex dreams apparently. [He clinks their glasses together, then downs the rest of his own.]

 

*Drinks. DRINKS.* You're important, you know that? I mean, to me. Like, super important. An exception to my normal way of life and I'm super glad to have gotten to experience it.

 

That is amazing. Where did you learn to cook?

 

[Jordi eyes his glass, then pats him on the back.]

Don't get drunk, it's not as much fun when I actually have to babysit you instead of just getting you smashed and letting everyone panic about it.

 

*Huffs* I'm not drunk. I was just sharing FEELINGS, is this not a good feelings time for you Jordi? Would you rather me communicate them in cat language, because I can totally do that for you.

 

Ford cracks up. "Okay, you might be taking it a little far, but just between you and me, 90% of the people I meet are sufficiently stupid that I wonder how they get out of bed in the morning." He shakes his head. "I know sometimes I'm a textbook example of Intelligence 18, Wisdom 8--but at least I know it, and that means I've got a leg up on most people."

He glances at Mara. "Really. That's a lust demon?" He shrugs. "Holy crap, we've found the limits of my xeno streak. Or maybe it's just that he's dumb."