shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

I didn't know him thirty days ago either, you don't just lose the ability to talk to people like someone who gets what they want. It's a whole carrot-stick thing, though usually it's not that hard for me to get people to take the carrots. Not a lot of people want to see the stick. Not when they know who I am.

Would that be quadruplets at that point, or is it a fraternal twins situation? Because if you were carrying two sets of identical twins that... would not be out of character for an alleycat, would it? [He grins.]

 

Stan laughs out loud. "No! I meant thirty years ago, he would make himself now look eloquent."

 

"I'm not sure..." Lissa frowns. "For us, sapience during the mating season means multiple sires usually only if there are multiple trusted partners. It's a vulnerable, emotional time, you don't want anyone you can't trust around. Of course monogamy is also weird for our species, though we usually have a limited number of actual mates even if we're generally promiscuous. Which...not all of us are. My sister has been with two men--and no women--in her entire life and she's mated to both of them."

 

Wow, I can't believe you. I was trying to appeal to your soap opera loving ways. *Nuzzles*

Huh, yeah? I haven't uh-- I don't know if I do that but, I feel like there's forward knowledge about events that I don't have at this point in time. *Shrug*

 

"Ummm....welll...." Lissa frowns. "You okay with talking about this? Because if you are, I am too. Except I get sad about the fact that I can't have any more kits with Ford and there's not many people I trust enough to get close to at that point in time."

 

I mean, it doesn't bother me too much? If it's something that's gonna happen, I have to face it sooner or later. I'd rather make that sooner than later, so I can be ready. *Flashes her a grin*

 

I'm a fickle, fickle creature. You know, like a cat. [He grins.]

Yeeeaaaaah, that's an understatment. I'm not telling.

 

It just doesn't make sense.

*chuckles* You know I don't know. I'm also glad yours doesn't talk either, that would make a lot of things weird.

I didn't mean offense. You just don't see this stuff in normal everyday life.

 

You are, no wonder we get along. We're both cats and I just happen to be a lovey one. You know, if you were a cat I bet you'd be gorgeous. Meanwhile I look like something went wrong at the cat painting factory.

Uhh...

 

The paint-splatter effect's cute. Even if it means I have to tear people a new one every time they try to call you a girl. I wanna be a Maine Coon if I'm a cat, something big. I'm not, not in the one where it happens to me, but I want to be.

[He pets Marcus's back instead of elaborating on that.]

 

Do things have to make sense? You're the one on some bizarre adventure.

 

I could see that, what were you? Some white angora or something?

*GUESS HE'LL NEVER KNOW. Snuggles and thinks about that.* Or... A big ass ragdoll

 

[She thinks about it] yeah that might help. I can transform around you and put real water in here? Or y'know, just images? [She remembers all her tourist routes by heart all the good spots that were pretty to look at]

 

Spoiler: not very nsfw but spoilered in case this is something you don't wanna know about?

"Well," says Lissa, "first of all, if it doesn't fuck with your self-concept too much, either to accept that it's happening to you, or to accept that you're gonna have to use parts you might not usually like to use, it will be amazing. Seriously. I found out after I got out of the whole void cult thing that most people do not suppress it if they don't want kits, they just take drugs that prevent the blastocysts from implanting. First of all I guess it's like if you tried to suppress any other bodily cycle too long, and second of all, it is immensely fun.

"A lot of people in the void cult suppress it because it's hard to believe that life isn't awesome and being an animal isn't wonderful when your body is flooded with chemicals that tell you being alive is great and being touched is amazing and feeling attachments and having desires is your purpose. You're still sapient. In fact, if we weren't sapient, we probably wouldn't want sex all the time.

"If you're like one of my people, you will actually beat the fuck out of anyone you don't trust who gets too close to you. So I would tell Jordi, to make sure he stocks up on the appropriate technology, because he might be dealing with this on his own. You may also be inclined to beat the fuck out of anyone who gets too close to Jordi, even if you normally like them. I wouldn't even share Ford with Angeth when I was in season and she had been with him longer, so...awkward. I kinda stole her boyfriend, but they weren't very close, not like we are, it's all okay now.

"Also, put all the scare stuff about how awful and horrible cat sex is out of your mind. There's no serious damage. Wild creatures don't have antibiotics, if they had to inflict serious wounds on each other to mate then we'd be one of those species where only one mating type survives, and it wouldn't be the one who carries the young because that would be counterproductive. Your nerves are all delightfully confused so anything that would normally hurt you a little will just be incredibly awesome. Ovulation occurs during mating along with the other big O and it's basically just O squared."

 

"Torties are cute. Are you an adorable little Siamese, Jordi?" Lissa teases. "Siamese cats can be mean though, I bet you're totally a Siamese."

 

"Witnessed." Ford shudders.

 

God I wish. No I'm--

[He waves his glass at her, then drinks it dry again.] Yeah, that. Fucking annoying as hell, actually, and everyone just ignored me when I yelled at 'em.

 

*Opens mouth, closes mouth, opens mouth again before frowning a little*

Spoiler: Safety Dance Spoiler

I suppose I'm a little uh-- I wouldn't call myself jealous but uh I wouldn't be surprised if... Yeah, thanks. Might not be exactly the same, but thanks.

Aw! I bet you're gorgeous too!

 

Of course I was. Chocolate points and a damn fine body if I do say so myself. They tried to neuter me and I sent four of the volunteers to the hospital, so they passed that off onto whoever adopted me instead.

 

Yeah, thankfully with the ear thing they assumed-- I mean, I was kind of pissed about that? Free hysto and all, but I guess fuck me?

So uh, who was that?