shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

-other mis join, more or less every mi for miself, untill they run out of fight, and tiny puddles of fur flop whereever for a nap and some mutual groom-

 

-INCOMING BIG DUMB DOG

The giant white part-wolf is back. He barrels in, rolls around and contorts himself until his vest is off, and INVESTIGATES EVERYONE

You get a sniff! You get a sniff! Lissa gets two sniffs and lick!-

Is there a chair?

 

In cash too. You can't get cash back. It's like trying to make snow unmelt. She deserved every bite you gave her. [So many pettins.]

 

That's how I feel *eyes dog. He likes dogs, he really does, but also dog.... Marcus has now pulled his legs up, he is a bit large to do this but he doesn't quite want to be fucked with by a dog. Dogs are cool though! He likes them! It's just... Dogs.*

 

"No, they certainly don't." Ford is totally not talking about Lissa, for that matter.

Ford chuckles. "People are assholes."

"Pfft." Ford hugs Lissa's shoulders. "Some people should realise that sometimes being bitten by a cat's a badge of honour."

 

Lissa giggles.

"I was about to say damn straight," Lissa replies, "but I don't think anyone here actually is, so I'll have to think of another response."

 

"Hey, what about me?"

 

Lissa explodes into giggles. "Right," she says. "Yeah. Sure. You. No."

 

-the dog slows as he approaches Marcus and Jordi for sniffspection. By the time he gets there he's perfectly well mannered, just like when he got licensed for being a service dog. He sits a little ways away but still still in arm's reach so they can offer hands for sniffing. Or maybe pettings if he's particularly blessed-

-Letha taps her way to a seat that is conveniently there-

 

Gets 'em dead more often than not.

[He eyes the dog warily, keeping Marcus steady on his lap. At least it's well mannered. Nothing like a badly-behaved dog to ruin his day.] Another one? Christ. What is with this place and pet wolves.

 

Hi dog, we're chill right? You're not gonna fuck with me like those asshole dogs did, yeah? It's no hard feelings but I cannot roll with you. I'd give you a pet but I'm about two seconds from climbing my main man Jordi here like a motherfucking tree.

Dunno! Dogs can be cool! I can't deal with them anymore, and that sucks. Still! *he's not afraid YOU'RE afraid so fuck u. Presses his face against Jordi but keeps his eyes on the dog as best as he can. He's on to you canine.*

 

Uh huh. This place has a fetish for wolves, I'm telling you. Every fucking dog that's come through here has either been a wolf or looked like a wolf. No coyotes, no golden retrievers, just wolves all the way down. I'm telling you, it's weird. [He pats Marcus on the thigh, then hands him a drink.]

 

He's only mostly wolf. And he's a service dog. -Letha is Very Obviously blind. Notably, she's wearing a colorful blindfold under the opaque sunglasses, in case people don't take the hint. Also because of the fuck-ugly scarring-

-the dog... nods understandingly? That is a distinctly human gesture. He gets up, keeping his head lowered, and backs up a few steps before turning around and running off to go say hi to everyone else-

-Hello Stan did you know your pockets smell good?-

 

'Only mostly'. That's still more than 'none'. I'm pretty sure there's some kind of wolf-magnet magic ray or something here that just attracts them.

 

Hello Index. [Aww look at her go, adorable. Interestingly enough, Index doesn't set off his 'cuddle the smol' reflex]

 

-she just smiles knowingly. Being a seer, it's kind of a skill she's perfected-

-Badulf leeeans in to sniff Stan's pocket. What smells so good?-

 

"Missha actually is a wolf." Lissa shrugs. "I don't own him. Even if the dumbest cops on Earth did make me get him a licence."

 

Stan considers the wolf. "Okay, Killer," he finally says, and gives up the Slim Jims, which he carefully peels open.

 

Lissa snorts. "Carla says you're not supposed to eat those. So I guess it's a good thing you didn't."

 

-Badulf barks happily, bouncing left and right. Then he does ALL the tricks while he waits for Stan to get them out of the packaging: he chases his tail, plays dead (starting standing, wobbling, and falling to the side like he was shot), rolls over twice, begs, offers both paws for shaking, and then sits perfectly still as he receives the ~prize~-

-that bark sounded suspiciously like a laugh-