shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

[Ok so that's def some sort of body language signaling and it doesn't look immediately threatening so Updraft extends a hand out to the curious little organic, letting is investigate more closely if it wants to. Since nobody else is reacting with abject terror, it's probably safe but he knows better than to just grab random animals and hope for the best, he's lost plating to that approach before. He considers mimicking the sounds but decides against it for now, until he has a better idea what those sounds mean. Accidentally issuing a challenge seems like a bad idea even if so far all seems friendly enough]

 

Something like that. It took me a bit to realize I'd split, actually, which is probably part of why I only recently showed up. *Shrugs a little* Though I imagine if you got two Wrench's in here they'd just aggressively bang.

 

I resemble that remark.

 

Yes, yes you do, good job. [Vector laughs.] You, and Prima, and Solus, and Amalgamous, and Onyx...

 

You know just what to say to make me feel better. -sits and leans on. pet me dammit-

 

I try! [Scritches for the cattebrother. Yesgood.]

 

Lissa's face purples, and her nostrils flare, then she buries her face in Ford's chest for a moment and laughs helplessly.

 

Ford sighs and strokes Lissa's hair. "I don't think that was what she was trying to say."

It is a nice mental image. Nicer to imagine Lissa in the middle of it, which is probably what she's doing, but...

 

*snickers a little* If you ever ran into my Wrench he would helplessly flirt with you, I can affirm that. The most we do together is Siska night. Before I became a cat we hung out a little more often, but the distance kind of cramps a friendship.

 

Also does that mean there´s a good version of me around somewhere?

 

Lissa giggles and shakes her head. "How much do you still remember, sweetie?"

She sighs. Composure: acquired.

 

About here? Uh... Some stuff is kind of weird, it's not for me me so I can't really remember it... I remember you all had a thing with Wrench but I can't remember a lot of other stuff around it.

 

You-- [Vector bites his tongue. That argument didn't work twelve million years ago and it won't work now. The crystal set in his chest flickers with light anyway.] Yes, brother. Of course.

 

"Okay," says Lissa. "You want to know? Or not is also okay."

 

Sure!

 

I´m glad. I would shudder to think of what a worse version of me would be like.

 

They exist. I don't think you want to know any more than that, though. [Pettins for catbro. Let's... not think about the worse Megatronus iterations.]

 

-looks deeply concerned- No, I do not. -he really really doesn´t-

 

Lissa takes a deep breath. "Thank you for the time you're about to spend listening to me bitch my heart out about bad timing," she begins, and takes a deep breath.

Spoiler: Multi-paragraph wall of text about the feelings Lissa caught and shouldn't have...

"Normally, I completely blow off men who hit on me when I'm trying to make out with another girl. But it wasn't the usual entitled thing. Wrench is fucking hopeless, as you know. Ford kinda was too, when I met him, for entirely different reasons. But I like that. If you know you don't know what the hell you're doing, and you're able to admit it, and you also fucking adore me and give me the lead..." She shrugs. "Wrench wasn't mine, of course. I'd just met him. And he understood that Stanford and I are endgame, forever. But he just about fell all over himself and everything I said I liked he either did or said that another point in time would be abso-fucking-lutely thrilled to do for me. At one point he literally said, 'lead the way, gorgeous' which is, by the way, the absolute key to my heart if you mean it, and boy did he ever. He told me he'd follow me anywhere, and that's what I want to hear."

Lissa manifests a drink just so she can have a drink, because she sort of needs one to tell this story. "At that time, all was well and good, except for the situation I'm dealing with in the real world, but fuck that noise. I was absolutely enchanted with Wrench and he seemed to be pretty into me too. Of course he partied with a lot of people up here, and the issue there is, one of those guys was a real fucking douchebag. But his father was also a bigger douchebag, so Wrench felt super sorry for him. I am married, right? I'm not going to tell someone I only party with who they can fuck. But one bright shiny afternoon in Dreamland, the douchebag heard me talking about what a slut I can be at our parties--where everyone's safe, and we know it--and his response was 'how do I get invited to these parties' and the answer to that is, 'fucking never you douchebag', because I am not a goddamn public convenience, I'm greedy, and there is a difference. Right? And Wrench was not present for that conversation."

She manifests a joint and takes a hit. This is the part that's not fun. "So. The next fine afternoon in Dreamland, Wrench, who doesn't know that the douchebag and I have had words in the past, thinks it would be a fine idea to have a general party. And I have to say, no sweetie no. You have the kind of attitude I like. This other guy pisses me off and I don't trust him. It's your party, you can invite whoever you want, but I won't get naked in front of that guy and he is not touching me. Or Ford."

For a moment she looks down at her hands. "You know that Wrench is fucking hopeless with interpersonal conflicts between people he likes. He doesn't know what to do. I was being fair and he thought I was being fair and we were cool, but the douchebag was not cool, because douchebags are by definition not cool. If they were cool, we'd call them something else. In point of fact, every time I have seen him in a situation where people he liked were fighting I have tried to make it stop, because it hurts him and I want to protect him from that. I mean, he's not mine, but he should belong to someone, because he doesn't know what to do with himself sometimes and somebody needs to take care of him. I might have him totally wrong...but I get the impression sometimes that all the tough is on the outside. So the douchebag kept picking fights. He would pick on some dumb thing I said and try to make Wrench think I was a jerk. It didn't work. But it was like this douchebag was knifing Wrench in the heart. I even said to the douchebag that he was hurting Wrench and he should stop if he really liked him. I was angry as hell, but also I knew that even if it was possible to turn a douchebag into a douchebag-sized crater up here, it would hurt Wrench too. So maybe I wasn't angry enough. But the other you was and dragged him outta here, which I was all for at the time because I would've done the same if I could. And the next time I saw you both you had sworn monogamy to each other."

She takes a hit and a drink. "I wanted him to have someone in his own world to take care of him. I did. But I was not really okay with the way it happened, because I should've been able to stop that asshole from making him cry and I failed somebody I really liked, even if everything had been super casual up until then, because of a goddamn douche. I mean if this had happened in the real world, I'm pretty sure I don't deserve to keep a boy I can't protect. Right? That's how cattes think, anyway. At least cattes like me. I'm queer as fuck for humans but I do not mate the way most humans do."

She shrugs. "And Ford you know, he thinks monogamy is kinda nuts, he said some things to you about jealousy that didn't come off very well because it was visible from low orbit that really he wanted me to have what I wanted, but it wasn't all like that, because when two people who like to screw around decide they're gonna be monogamous as a way to prevent jealousy, instead of, you know, working on that, it really does, almost every time, end up in tears. Anyhow, I didn't like those conversations a lot, which is why I decided to talk to you when Ford wasn't around, because watching you and Ford get weird was also not good for Wrench either."

She sighs. "So now you know this fucked-up story from my side. Anyhow, I initially thought that if you'd both split up into two people and one set of you was no longer monogamous, the ethical option for me was quite obvious, but since that guy doesn't even know me, I need to do something with all of these feelings I caught. It's not often that I have that much fun with someone right off, without a lot of negotiation and explanation, but there's no obligations in that on either side. But it was still a really precious thing for what it was and the way I lost it was painful. I would understand if it could not go on forever and a day, but holy shit, I'd have liked some kind of goodbye. And...he does still like me. He just loves the other you more. Which is just as it should be. But that doesn't mean that he doesn't talk out both sides of his mouth to try to keep both of us happy, even though the end result is kind of like just annoying the other you while stringing my hopes along."

Then she takes another drink. "I can't even blame him for that. He doesn't have it in him to hurt people he cares about."

 

We don't all have the divine insight into the multiverse that you do, starboy.