shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

If it doesn't feel dangerous, it's probably twice as bad.
-Jason is subtly edging away from the Dad Aura. Parent issues what parent issues, he just doesn't want to be in crushing distance of course-

 

End THRICE az eenterestink!
-Jason may have just bumped into a 6'8" roughly triangular wall of terracotta-coloured muscle, with large tusks and larger ears, who's grinning at him-

 

*Haku blinks, processing the conflicting information. The second winds up sounding more true. Almost imperceptibly, they sit a little straighter, eyes getting a little warier again, but they stay sitting and don't go for a weapon.

The god thing is filed away to wonder over later.*

...Okay

 

-Primus shrugs at Jason; he's learning better than to argue with paranoia-
I won't let anything happen to anyone near me anyway! Had enough death and letting people down for this existence!

 

-Jason whirls around, not very gracefully, and puts a little distance between himself and the beefy probably-alien. Not too much, though, the Dadliness is the greater threat here.-
Maybe, but only if whatever's dangerous makes its move before you tire yourself out looking for it.

Just my experience, anyway.

 

-with the grave air of one imparting great wisdom- Dat iz ven hyu start breakink efferytink zo eet haz to show eetself. -produces a large brown bottle- Beer?

 

-relaxes a little, laughing quietly-
Tend to agree with you on that. I'll only have one if you do; be rude not to share.

 

*Haku's eyes dull a little, but they smile still.* A feeling that I'm familiar with. I hope you don't mind if I take advantage of this protection, sir.

It's my experience, too. That's why this place feels so strange. *Their eyes darken a little more and their expression does that complicated thing again.*

 

-brightens noticeably- Hyu iz a hyuman hy ken git along vit! -sloshes the beer into two large mugs and shoves one across to Jason, chugging his own in one long swallow; it's dark stuff, strong, with a weird herbal tang to the smell-

 

-comfortably- Not even a little bit! ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧

 

Any place you can change things just by wanting it enough is weird.

-watches Mirrors drink carefully before taking a few things out of his jacket pocket and running a few simple tests, just enough to be sure the beer is safe to drink. As they process, he carefully removes his helmet. Underneath, he has short, curly red hair and medium-toned skin, with a domino mask still covering his eyes. When the tests show it's safe, he takes a generous swig of the beer.-
Pretty good. You make this yourself, or is it from somewhere in particular?

 

-Mirrors watches him test the beer with jovial amusement, unoffended- Hyu spend a lot ov time mit de Sparks, huh? -nods gravely- Alvays gotta mek sure dey iz not poisonink hyu! Or mutatink hyu! Sparks should esk hyu end den mutate hyu.
-this sounds like it's from experience-
Hy made eet mineself! Iz eazy! Vell, vos harder to get sumtink det hyumans could dreenk vitout goink blind or dyink, but hy managed eet!

 

*Haku looks wonderingly at Primus. He has to repay all this kindness somehow, but how does one make themselves useful to a god?*

Thank you, sir. Or, er...how would you like to be addressed?

Change...?

*Haku's eyes narrow in concentration, and then one of the long metal needles (a senbon) appears clasped between his fingers. He looks fascinated.*

This place is strange.

*He spins the senbon idly between his fingers, only halfway a threat.*

 

Don't know what a spark is, but I spend a lot of time pissing off people with a lot of resources and a long reach. I don't have to make their jobs easier by trusting food from strangers straight off.

-he eyes the beer a bit when Mirrors says that bit about blindness, but he can just look at the test results to be sure it's safe, and it is good beer. He takes another sip.-
So if you're not a human, what are you? Haven't run into someone like you before.

 

Just calling me Primus is totally fine. Some people either start up with honorifics and stuff which is weird or they start up with the getting really insistent that I'm not a god which I mean is fine?? But I don't know why they think I'm going to agree...

 

-sighs- Hyu alvays forget dis place has de pipple vot do not know Sparks. Sparks iz de great scienteests ov mine vorld! Dey do de eempossible all de time. End dey made me vot hy em! Hy iz a Jaeger. Hy vos hyuman, bot hy svore en oath to serve alvays mine Masters, end hy drenk de Jaegerbrau, end hy deed not die, end here hy em!
-he waves a hand vaguely, and a picture of a young man, human, ruddy-skinned with dark red-tinged brown hair and a wide, engaging grin appears next to him; despite the obvious changes there are enough similarities in facial structure and expressions for it to be pretty clear that this is Mirrors in the past-

 

*Haku's neutral expression is carefully concealing the fact that he's at a total loss.*

I don't have much experience with gods in any form, so I hope that you will forgive any unintentional disrespect.

 

Don't even worry. People worry too much about offending me! I'm not the lightning bolt sort of god. -pouty face. definite pouty face. why won't people like him. you know why not, Primus-

 

Huh. What were the chances of dying?
-he's halfway through the beer now and noticeably more relaxed-

I got a lot more experience with people calling themselves gods when they're just jumped-up power-hungry metas than actual divinity. Might be common across the multiverse, or whatever.
-his expression is guarded but his tone is not quite hostile-

 

-cheerfully, without a trace of concern- Ninety per cent.