shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

-FINGERGUNS- Turns out when most of the people you know are evil fucks before you go demon you develop a kind of pavlovian response to people who can Fuck You Up. And people wonder why things didn't turn out so well with the Girlfriend Who Was Literally An Angel.

And yet no concern for accidental summonings of Murdersuit, who's a regular here.

 

Eh, it's interesting but I also think I know why.

Lenni... She leads a rival group called Prime 8. By go for you I mean attempted ass slapping and groping, mostly because she's a bitch. I doubt she'd be fun to fight even, she'd take it as an opportunity to cackle loudly and sexually harass you.

Pretty sure she's what happens when all the trash from the worst forums online gather together to make a Single Being. She also has a face tattoo.

My poor helpless Wrench.

Ya know, I'm pretty convinced that brains are just inclined to sexualize things.

Look, he hasn't come around yet and he's more tolerable than Lenni. Like, think about that. This lady actually tried to kill me instead of sending terrifying stern messages and threats. She also tried to steal nanotech to use it for herself even though it had been being used to experiment on the homeless?

Josh roasted her ass with that though, it was badass.

 

[Jerky!!!!! It is indeed fun to chew! And tear apart! With much shaking of head and entertained chirping. Congrats, Jade, you've effectively given a dog a rawhide chewy.]

Maybe organic brains!!! Stream's isn't!!

 

Lissa looks up at him. "You haven't seen what I am capable of doing in the face of attempted sexual harassment, have you, sweetie? People always forget that I used to be an assassin myself."

Lissa sighs. "What were you wearing, Wrench? Because I'm pretty sure you didn't take anything off in front of this bitch."

 

UGH Lenni's the fucking leader of Prime_8, sells her fucking hacks to pretty much any gang that'll pay and then turns around and fucking tries to doxx us because we're doing the RIGHT THING.
>_<

She's worked with Blume AND the Sons of Ragnarok AND I'm pretty sure she's shoved her fingers in the Bratva pot too.
@_@

She's just... creepy. Sooooo creepy. And I hate talking to her but she likes Marcus the best out of all of us.
._.

Other than Josh, apparently.
>_>

Sweep me into your powerful arms and carry me away, my knight!
^_~

Aw! Hey! No fair!
>_<

 

Lissa looks up at him and blinks, twice, slowly. Then pouts. "You know I just want to picture you wearing the thing? I certainly don't think it's anyone's fault that bitch likes taking pictures of people without asking, that happens to me all the damn time back home."

 

Oh I believe it, I just don't think it'd be fun. Nothing is with Lenni around.

Well, basically... hm

You know I can, if only because you barely eat food.

He was wearing this ridiculous outfit for the celebration where He barely had a top on and was kind of wearing a spiked speedo bottom.

 

Hey, whatever makes you happy!

-grins-

 

That too, which is why after the whole Angel thing I still find myself inexplicably and sometimes infuriatingly turned on by things like this

Spoiler: sfw, mild body horror, large

 

Lissa sighs. "Wrench, you gotta eat food. It's important. And Marcus, you gotta make sure he eats food." She shakes her head. "Also, that qualifies as pants. Kind of. Maybe. You really like spikes, don't you?"

 

Nnnnn... Well....
@_@

DON'T DRAG ME LIKE THIS.
;_;

Also that outfit is baller? SO baller. Lined with SILK I might add, so it doesn't even CHAFE.
*_*

My prickly exterior hides a soft and loving core.
^_^

 

"I know." Lissa sighs. "You upset with me sweetheart? I think you should always wear stuff lined with silk though."

 

Silk's a pain to wash though. I'm good with denim and cotton-poly blends on the regular, but when I'm all dolled up in leather? You KNOW I'm gonna line that shit GOOD.
^_^

 

Lissa leans into him, but her ear flicks. "I pretty much only wear silk underthings," she says. "There's places denim and polyester should never touch, even on you." She's not sure if she's offending him or not, and she's pretty sure he wouldn't tell her, that's the problem when they do the heart-eyes thing, even if he is apparently still monogamous. Which is fine. If that's what he really wants and not what he thinks he has to do to keep the peace because they think they're both psycho or something. She pulls out the claws all the time with people who think that it feels good whether they want to bang her or not after all. He might not know that though? She doesn't have as many cuddle friends up here as she does back home. People misunderstand stuff enough when you keep your hands to yourself.

Not that she has ever wanted to keep her hands to himself when he's involved.

She is being a silly catte. The silliest catte. Hey, why did the fireworks stop? Oh, yeah, Thunderwing was upset. Poor bug. She likes the bugs. Pillage and Thunderwing. If they weren't like 12 times her size she'd get high with them in the back yard any time.

 

[She nods sagely]
Yeah Thats A Problem Sometimes But Hey Get Enough Room And You Can Really Spread That Shit Out And Make Like Some Fucking... Whats That Human-Mammal Festival Where They Throw Colored Powder At Eachother In Ritualistic Crowd Riot Set To Music Called Again?

[She twirls a finger in the air, summoning a few 'screens' showing her latest few performances]
Yes.

[EXCITED BUG SHRIEK! She dives into the crate to examine The Goods]
How Much Of This Can I Take Apart And Analyze?

Finally Someone Who Knows How To Fight Sensibly.

I Mean Sounds Like A Good Catch For Your Pitch Quadrant But Humans Are Stupid About That I Guess

 

Well I made-summoned a whole box so it's not like I'm gonna end up short. Have at it, you like like have Devious Plans and I would be remiss in my duties if I didn't enable the fuck out of that.

Hells to the fuck yes. I'm told counting points for single-kills with rockets is a Waste of Ammo but apparently it's cool for buildings? But picking off one guy in a crowd with a boom big enough to take out fifteen is an art and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise.

Do you want to see my button bombs? Lady says they're a terribad idea but I'm the Boombitch for a reason.

 

[Stalker] Didn't we have a technicolor demo expert named Kablooey?

[Micah] Yep.

[Stalker] Didn't she get reduced to a fine red mist because everything she wore was like 80% explosives 'just in case' and we ended up dealing with that sniper with the vintage rifle? Like actual gunpowder vintage?

[Micah] Mmhm.

[Stalker] Just checking.

 

Wait... bombs? Are you insane? You can't have explosives near me!

 

They are!!!! They blow things up for fun!!!!!! Come hide over here, we have foods and a nice not-insane person. [Is Jade still there? He honestly can't tell, her smell's lingering even if she's not.]

 

[Sparkly heart eyes motherfucker]
Terribad Idea Sounds Like My Kind Of Weapon, Show.

And Thats Why You Have A Strife Specibus To Keep Shit In

Bitch No One Asked You To Sit On Any Of Us Youve Got All That Room Where We Arent To Be A Killjoy In.