What's a QPPs?

Ive been seeing this a lot for the past few days and what i leaned it's like 'Queer platonic Pals' ? and to me it just sounds like a very fancy word for friend?

am i wrong or something because it just sounds real silly to me but i just need some confirmation.

 

I've heard "queerplatonic/quasiplatonic partner" pretty much exclusively, not pals. So, I've been interpreting it as "Like a romantic relationship but with platonic feelings instead".
Whether that's just a fancy word for "best friend" is pretty much the same debate as the one for "moirail", I guess.

 

From what I remember of the usage, it was "queerplatonic partner" with a general assumption of emotional exclusivity, if not romantic/sexual attraction. Mind you, this is an interpretation that's half a decade out of date now-- the original coiners of the phrase (and specifically the decision to use the word 'queer') meant "best friends, but best friends you would be happily married to and raise kids with, with all the societal baggage that entails" and were using it primarily in reference to same-gender platonic partners who wanted to do these things.

I have no idea how it's being used now. At the time I saw it most often, it was basically interchangeable with 'moirail' (or 'amica endura', if you're a filthy robots fan.)

 

Of course, I can't even actually understand the difference between platonic and romantic feelings so that kind of stuff just makes it more confusing to me.

 

ahh okay.

I'm... still confused about it, but whatever I suppose? It just sounds like a very fancy word for best friend, but i guess i don't like putting my sexuality into my friendships where it isnt needed i guess? or, i guess situation and context.

 

I think a lot of people, regardless of how they do or don't identify with "aro" terminology, have trouble defining their feelings for, and relationships with, other people who are important to them. Quasiplatonic/queerplatonic partnerships (QPPs) are one of the many ways that people have tried to put their experiences into words.

Even if someone has more traditional "romantic" partnerships with others, they may well still have difficult-to-pinpoint feelings about the formalised structures of those relationships.

 

Hm, well more than friendship... It's a kind of partnership. It's used to define an incredibly close relationship outside the normal boundaries of friendship - what this looks like to the individual people seems to depend, but it often includes things like planning to keep this person in your life, living together, planning big life decisions around one another, displays of affection that are considered very unusual for friendship, etc. It can even be very close to a romantic relationship minus romantic feelings, it seems to depend. Someone might be able to explain it better than me, but ye.

 

By the way, can someone who actually understands the platonic/romantic distinction explain it to me? Because that might help me understand what's going on here.

 

I sorta disagree? For me there is a definite line, but where the line is differs from person to person.

As far as describing the difference, it's difficult when I am so used to the idea of romantic relationships and had wanted one for a long time. It's like, I get a floaty happy feeling when I'm with my boyfriend. I feel happy with platonic friends, but it's a different kind of happy. And there are lines I have for what I am comfortable doing with friends vs my boyfriend. (What you would expect from watching tv, cuddling, kissing, sleeping together, levels of nudity) I'm not very good at words so if anyone could help me describe this better that would be great, cuz i feel like i am being vague.

 

Queerplatonic Partners vs Romantic Partners vs Best Friends definitely do vary from person to person but it can sort of be defined as a stack of blocks maybe.

So like, assume that bottom tier is enemy, with top tier being romantic partner, maybe. This is just a really really across the board answer and it can obvs be changed depending on your preference of definitions but this is just to make it easy to digest?

So enemies, acquaintances, friends, etc are all there and we're only gonna look at the top three.

Best Friends are just below Queerplatonic Partner, which itself is below Romantic Partner. Though it's not entirely solid, elements from both "best friend" and "romantic partner" can mingle in between in a semi-permeable state if you can imagine that? Basically QPPs are the middle ground between defining a best friend vs a romantic partner.

I know people who would never sleep with their best friend [sexual sense] because thats what romantic partners do, but me as a person in a QPP with @jashindamnit i would not be entirely opposed to sleeping with her if she asked me, but I don't "love" her. I do love her, in that way that best friends love each other, and romantic partners can also be best friends [square/rectangle argument], but I do not "love" her and she doesn't "love" me. We're both aromantic and the idea of being romantically involved with anyone, even/including each other, sets off major alarm bells for various reasons and we just. cannot handle that. If I ended up getting into a romantic relationship with someone, Jash is still going to be my QPP, this won't change between us just because the other person gets a romantic partner.

As mentioned upthread, QPPs generally get the domestic livelihood feels with each other without taking it to the romantic sense. So yeah, people who don't experience those sorts of feelings and generally understand life as "there are best friends and there are romantic partners, and romantic partners can/should be your best friend" usually find it kinda hard to grok "this is my best friend who I want to spend the rest of my life with but I'm not in love with them" since it's "backwards" almost and you get the "isnt that just boyfriend/girlfriend" or "isnt that just best friend?".

Again this is just a really general blanket statement and people will/do define things differently. I'm not the be-all end-all of how to define QPP.

 

agreeing with the above! codie is my QPP and yeah, definitely doesn't mean just a best friend to me. codie is someone i want to spend my life with. whenever i think about the future of where i'm gonna be in life, codie is in it in some way. eventually i want us to move in together and get many pets and be cozy. a lot of people would liken that to like.. boyfriend/girlfriend stuff but we're both hella aromantic ( seriously codie asked me to date them and i was like "LIKE FRIENDS RIGHT??? DATING LIKE FRIENDS????" because i'm so hecked up. it was hilarious. ). i'd marry them for the benefits.

basically yeah, i love the hell out of codie, but not romantically, or sexually.

 

-nodnod- >:0c

i think i understand a little more. Still confused but, I think I get it more.

 

so, seconding the thing that a QPP is more than a best friend for me. they're someone I want to be physically intimate with in a way I don't want to be with a friend, and someone I want to spend my life with. but I don't feel quite the same way about them as I would about a romantic partner? it's.....more than friends but I don't romantic-styles love them. I want to do romantic-styles things with them, but I don't romantically love them. I do love them, which is something I don't say or feel about friends, generally. I like my friends, they're cool people, but I don't love them. but I love my QPP, but not quite the same feeling that I get for a romantic partner?
and I use the term because I'm demiromantic, so not every person I'm interested in is romantic-styles interest.

so like....I define moiraillegiance as "very close friends who kind of are in a mutual agreement to help each other with feelings and shit and keep each other out of trouble", and that doesn't really encapsulate what I feel for a QPP. I feel more for them than I would for a friend. and sure, we talk about feelings, but mostly the ones that pertain to us and our relationship--and there's certainly not really an aspect of "keep each other out of trouble." so it's not the same as moirails for me.

 

also, as an aside--I don't want to put my sexuality into my friendships either. that's different with someone who I want to be my queerplatonic partner. I want to involve romantic-like things, like kissing and such, but I don't like them romantically. if that makes sense. and I'd also like to note that I honestly haven't seen many people using it who don't identify as being on the aromantic spectrum, and I think that's a semi-important point? like, someone who's demiromantic and likes someone enough to want to Do Stuff with them but doesn't feel romantically for them is probably not something that most people off the aromantic spectrum are going to understand the experience of, I guess. which is why it's so hard to articulate. it's kind of like trying to explain sexual attraction to an asexual, I think, people who feel it seem to have trouble articulating it to a person who's never felt it.

eta: I don't mean to imply people off the aro spectrum can't feel this kind of thing, but more that like, it seems to be a more common experience for people on the aro spectrum than off, and while I'm sure some non-aro people would understand the feeling I'm trying to articulate, I haven't met any of them yet. I don't doubt they exist, I just think that there are probably more people on the aro spectrum who feel this kind of feeling than off it?

(and seconding palin, I've always heard 'queerplatonic partner' or 'quasiplatonic partner' and am confused by the use of 'pals'.)

 

How do people meet QPPs? That's confused me for a long time. Are they friends who become QPPs, or do you express an interest in trying out that sort of relationship first? Because that's my ideal relationship but I don't know how it gets started.

 

so....I mean, the QPP I'm with now, who's one of the people I refer to when I talk about my partners, we met and really just. hit it off as friends. and then I became interested in having that sort of relationship with them, so I suggested it to them, and then it happened! it's sort of similar to how dating can work, I guess? I know some people just meet other people and ask them on dates, but I....don't really do that, I can't. so all my relationships have gone friend -> whatever form of relationship I and the other person are comfortable with.
the thing about QPPs is that I think you could certainly express interest in trying that out first, but it's a bit of a different feeling from both friendship and romance, so starting a QPP right after meeting someone might not work out necessarily, because you might end up not feeling the QPP feels for them and feeling something else instead, like friendfeels or romancefeels, and then things can get a little tricky, so personally even if I did do "I just met you, wanna go on a date" I wouldn't handle QPPs that way.

 

reading this is very interesting, as I'm wondering if QPP is a term that's a better definition for the way I feel about some of my friends than just best friend -- as tbh I've never liked using the term best friend because best in my mind by definition means singular and I have that kind of bond with multiple people.
I've been using FWB in my mind for them but honestly I don't feel that even covers it bc that term has always felt like it just covers...friends you could booty call but you don't really have a strong emotional connection with them. Is QPP meant for non-sexual relationships only?

Like. for me, my friend "hierarchy" goes:
acquaintance - person I can tolerate in an agreeable way (lol); I will say hi to them when we meet and am casually interested in how their life is going

friend - person I enjoy talking to, like their personality, and in general enjoy their company for an extended time; I care about their happiness and care about when they're hurting, and want to know how they're doing

fwb - everything I feel about friends with sexual desire/intimacy included

??? - person I confide deep personal thoughts to and have shown vulnerability/emotional pain in front of; I love them and care about their happiness and the direction of their life, I fret about not being able to solve their problems or ease their pain; I can spend great amounts of time with this person without being annoyed

??? - everything I feel about best friends, with sexual desire included, to the point we flirt freely, can be physically affectionate, say I love you easily, and I'd be happy with a long term sexual relationship

??? - all of the above including being actually ~*~in love~*~ with them which is a difference I can't explain, but I just know.

I can't be in love with more than one person at the same time, but I want to be sexually intimate with many of my friends. What even is that??? I don't know...feels so complicated >.o; wouldn't really matter since the relationships exist and are what they are but sometimes people want clarification on them and I'm all 'uhhh, idk it's like...a thing???'

eta: I just realized the last post for this was May :x lol oops