shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Wow, The Fox himself is smiling

 

"Vali and I can get all the blood we need on our own, and ours isn't even the same kind as yours anyway, but thanks, Jordi." Lissa giggles. "You like us even if you don't want to like people. It's so cute. But I'm afraid everyone thinks their kids are objectively better than all the other kids in the multiverse. You're about time. The Fords and the Jades and Vector Prime are about space. Valiska and I are about the ties that hold living beings together, which is probably why it was really a terrible idea to try to make assassins out of us. There are two others I sense when I'm here and she's here at the same time. My guess is that the third one broke like we did, but probably not in the same place, time or way. And maybe the fourth one is terrifying beyond words, at least for now?"

 

"If by the fox you mean Mister Pearce, he certainly is," Valiska observes.

 

Ford sits down next to Valiska, and grins when she sits in his lap, wrapping his arms around her, resting his chin for only a moment on the top of her head and looking like he's just received the supreme honour of the multiverse. He waves to Lissa. That girl--no, woman, she's not that much younger than his wife, she just doesn't act her age--is unsettling sometimes. Like Valiska in season, no filters, but also a furious whirlwind.

"Hello, my queen," he says, and then blinks. "When did Marcus get pregnant?"

He is too polite to ask how.

 

"That's cat Marcus," Lissa informs him. "I don't think you've met him before."

 

The fuck you smiling about, Pearce? [His eyes narrow.]

Am I about time? Is that what this fucking, whaddyou call ems, this 'singularity' nonsense is about? Dunno about clones and shit, but yeah, I got doubles. Or... sames. Not really doubles if they're all me, more like all the places I exist run parallel to each other, but whatever.

 

Time, space, it's all a bit tangled up. I'm not a Seer, couldn't tell you which you are, but someone did say 'temporal' earlier...

[Vector has apparently finished his second... attempt at a frog. It has limbs this time, at least, and is tied up on his helm next to the first.]

 

Ford shrugs. "Ask Dave, or Sans. Time confuses the hell out of space people. I will just say that I am very, very, very glad that I don't have to be aware of all of the activities my alternate selves get up to, especially not the ones I don't like."

He notices Lissa's hackles rise and sighs. "I don't mean your Ford," he tells her. "We piss each other off a lot, but I can think of at least one he and I would both agree was an asshole. And then there's whatever universe someone managed to bind some part of my spirit into a body pillow in. I really don't want to think very much about that." He winces. "Probably I should rescue him."

 

Don't point it out. [He tries to wipe the grin off his face and fails.]

The Fox is-- was-- my name back when I still did jobs for pay. Sort of stuck after the vigilante thing.

Nothing, Jordi. It's just-- what was it you said about the dreaded 'f word' again?

 

... Are you going to upset him? Because if so I'm going to come over and kick your ass because I can use the 'I'm pregnant and you can't touch me' excuse. *His amused look turns to a glare. Don't you make him have to deal with Pissy Jordi, Aiden.*

 

Christ, that's annoying. Someone should fix that. Make time and space completely separate or something, none of this quantum shit. Fucking obnoxious.

I don't think I've ever had a me I don't like. And it's not like I'm fucking watching the guy on the television or whatever, it's just me. It's always me. You know, the same me everywhere. I'm not different.

I know where you goddamn live, Pearce. If you can call it that. Who lives in traincars? Hobos live in traincars. You're a goddamn disaster.

 

I'm not gonna upset him. Look, I'm over here, drinking my drink, minding my own business. Don't mind me. [He holds up his hands in a conciliatory way.]

Hey. It's got a bed and a shower and an internet connection. That's all I need.

 

*Pointed glare before rolling a bit and nuzzling at Jordi* Sorry I'm just a little grumpy right now.

Didn't know there was someone worse than Wrench when it comes to housing...

 

"Yes. Time people do that. My son made copies of himself with a cursed xerox machine when he was twelve. I live one life at a time. It's all I can handle."

 

Oh, stars, no, that would get even worse, it's been tried before. Don't think your species interacts with LV-117 in your universal cluster, but it's a disaster, I assure you.

 

"You wouldn't say that if you'd ever been to the second dimension."

Ford glances around. Oh, shit, he's here. Whatever. He sits down next to Lissa.

 

Yeah, that's understandable. This Wrench guy was the one in the, uh, mask, right? Not sure if I should be feeling as insulted as I am right now.

 

"Wrench is amazing and adorable," says Lissa. "I'm given to understand that you eat fries off the floor of your car, which is probably as clean as a floor that has fries on it would normally be, so I'm not sure he's actually worse than you in terms of accepted standards of living."

 

Huh. Can't say I get it, but hey, you do you. And I'll do me. It's more fun that way.

Goddamnit.

Ugh, I guess. I don't care, quantum shit's bullshit. Fucking nerd-ass science. You guys can have your linear space-time continuum and I'll be over here fucking... separating it or something. Whatever.

 

[Now he looks annoyed.] I do not. Who told you that I-- Jordi.

[And now he's glaring at Jordi. Who seems entirely too pleased with himself.]