shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

O-ho, someone's a destructive Class! Keep it to your own cluster and we won't have problems, nutlet.

 

[Now Jordi is the one with the shit-eating grin.]

A-- what? I'm not denying the 'destructive' bit but I've never been to school a day in my goddamn life.

 

A way of categorizing powers, similar to the way one of the darling sisters over yonder explained Time and Blood and Space. Knights protect, Mages learn or understand, Seers see, so on and so on. I'm a Mage myself, and if I'm not mistaken at least one of the Stanfords is as well! You... hm. Well, as I said, couldn't say. Prince, maybe, or Lord, or maybe a very confused Page? We'd have to wait a good long while if that last one's the case, but they do have some of the most stunning reversals...

 

"Character class, like in D&D?" Ford shrugs. "Except not. I'm a Mage. So's he." He nods at the other Ford. Asshole.

 

Does that mean I can be like a Demon Hunter?

 

Ford is ignoring his otherself. "Wrench is cuter than you generally," he tells Aiden, "but you're adorable when you're annoyed."

 

Prince, huh? I could get behind 'Prince Jordi'. Or 'Lord Chin'. Yeah. Not a fan of ruling classes, but that's a title you can yell in bed, so you know what? I can dig it.

Ahhhh, gotcha. Had a moment there, all this fucking quantum shit got me backwards. Not a fan of modern campaigns and W40K is a shit system, so I wasn't in the right headspace.

What, not Druid? Eh. That's fair. Demon Hunter's more mobile, and you like that.

 

*Pauses and starts snickering* But Jordi, I'm already a druid. I've got a cat form and everything.

 

[Aiden keeps glaring for a few seconds, before running a hand over his mouth and looking away. He's learned his lesson by now, there's no point in actually trying to argue with the man.]

I... I think you're old enough to be my father. Uh, I appreciate the-- is that supposed to be a compliment or are you fucking with me?

 

"Princes fuck things up," Valiska says. "Sometimes for good reasons and great justice, and sometimes just because that's what they do. Our friend Jim is a Prince of Void. The safest way to interact with Jim Profit is not to have any secrets at all."

 

That's the joke, peaches. [He leans down to kiss Marcus on the cheek.]

 

*Snicker-sighs and returns the kiss before flopping in Jordi's lap* So, someone called me Time before??

 

Ford looks wounded. "You must be younger than you look, but yes to both," he says. He nods at his other self. "He's old enough to be your father even if you are as old as you look, and we were born in the same year, so maybe, depending on how time runs in your dimension. I have no idea how old either of us actually is because we've done a lot of dimensional travel and neither of us deals well with Time. But he's aged more than I have." At that, Ford looks a bit smug.

 

I am a big fan of fucking shit up. What do Lords do?

Well we can't both be Time. Someone's gotta call dibs.

 

"I'm pretty sure you cheat."

 

That, or you could have had kids young. [He's trying to make his earlier comment less mean and... failing probably. Whoops.]

I'll be honest, none of this Time-Space stuff makes sense to me. I'm pretty sure ours just... goes forward though. One way. I figure if someone had managed time-travel, it'd have gotten out by now.

You can cheat at aging?

 

"I don't think you're a lord," Valiska says after a moment. "I know one personally. They wrote my code. They stop being ... I don't want to say 'human' because I'm not human, but they don't stop being sapient, it's just that they get...kind of god-like, or at least daemonic."

 

Pretty sure I'm not that, even when I knew I was a split off of a main timeline... I don't know, who said we can't? *Reaches up and gently pats his cheek*

I wasn't really paying attention though, what are the things?

 

"They both cheat," says Lissa. "Don't look like that, I can read it in both of you. I'm a witch of blood just like her. But my Ford cheats with more people, and even more people than that, through me, so he's better at it. When people have orgasms, they give off a lot of life-energy, and men don't reabsorb it as well as women do. Tantric sex doesn't grant you immortality, but you can certainly keep yourself healthier and younger for longer."

 

[He looks interested.] Godlike, huh? I could do godlike. What do I gotta do to be one of these 'Lords', huh?

Uh, time, space, blood... fuck if I know. People were hitting them with colors and shit when they said 'em too, but I don't know how to do that. Probably something in the html, but I don't give enough of a shit to use that meta-knowledge to my advantage, you know? Don't think you could see it anyways.