shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

No, they have to assume you know everything about coffee and what people have thought up with the Starbucks things. You are no longer a person, you are but an amorphous part of the whole monster that is Starbucks.

*Wraps an arm around him cheerfully*

 

Don´t jinx it. They might next time.

True!

 

[Bad Stagewhisper]
I think most of the press doesn't realize I would kiss almost every single one of my "siblings" on the mouth, excepting the capital-L Lesbian who would throw me out a window for it and the ten year old.

Well it is the secret identity I actually carved out for myself independently of anyone else.
But family obligations meant I couldn't just be whoever I want to be anymore. When he vanished and we all thought he was dead... He wanted me to take up the cowl. Put it in his will. He knew it had to be me. Red Robin still had to beg me to take the cowl but it took... a while for me to see it too. I was - still am, to be honest - bad at doing things when I'm told to do them. That's why I left in the first place, I couldn't just stay someone's sidekick forever. I had to learn how to act independently and I couldn't do it in the bat cave. I never wanted to become like him, but... Things were bad without Batman. Someone had to step up. And it couldn't be Hood because he just made everything worse. It couldn't be Robin either because he's... he's scarily competent but he's still a kid, he cannot save an entire city before he can save himself. And before he can save himself someone needs to be there to catch him when he falls.
By the time Bats came back... well. We had settled in and established things. So he did the right thing. He went international. There's many Batmen now and I couldn't just abandon Robin so... I stayed Batman. And he stayed my Robin.

 

You know, it feels like that sometimes? I wonder if the hivemind comes with better benefits.

[He snickers.] Yeah, journalists are really good at chasing a story and forgetting the rest of the context, huh? Tabloid journalists, at least.

 

Oh definitely. Makes keeping control of your own image and reputation both ridiculously hard and stupidly easy sometimes!

 

I'm sure it does, that's why I don't work.

 

*Guess who's here! Guess who's in cat shape as well! Look, it's a chubby cat. He toddles happily around, pregnant cats are funny looking.*

 

Lissa just found a bowl of tuna somewhere and sets it down on the floor.

 

Prrrt! *Trots over, tail curled in a Happy Question mark before he starts eating. Yisss.*

 

Lissa giggles. Having been a pregnant cat(te), she's well aware that pregnant cats are almost always hungry.

 

*He is, in fact, scarfing as he walks around the food in a circle. Wow, good job.*

 

"Good kitty." Lissa sneaks in a pet, then tells Marcus, "I am going to go back up on the silks and play, call for me if someone needs my attention, and watch if you want!"

 

[He had fallen asleep in that chair he had summoned himself and vanished temporarily. Even in dreams he can't apparently escape the bone deep exhaustion. Now he flickers back in, still curled up in the chair but not in paladin armor anymore, snoring softly until his head slips off his shoulder and he startles awake.]
H-hh?
Why am I here again?

 

*Hops up onto the chair with him. Hello! This pregnant tortie is now rubbing his face all over Keith. This is his way of saying hello.*

 

[He blinks down at the cat but... how bad can a cat be. Wow an actual normal earth cat He reaches to scritch the pregnant Tortie's ears carefully, looking for all intents and purposes like he's afraid either of them may break if he moves too quickly. Mostly because thsi might still be a trap! Clearly! Not because he has no idea how to react to Suddenly Animal In His Space.]
Hi?

 

Prrt! *Yes good PETS. Does the little tail in the air turning in a circle dance that some cats do.*

 

[Three tiny-- "tiny" being relative, between four and six feet tall-- insecticons appear! None of them has much color to them, all mostly white, but one is tinged just barely more blue than their siblings.

Upon suddenly being somewhere Big, they squeak and cluster together, chittering incomprehensibly and nudging each other with little half-formed mandibles. After a minute or two of Sibling Huddle, one detaches to cautiously approach the weird guy nearly their size in the chair aaaand boop his leg with an outstretched claw. Arm? Leg? Limb. Something hanging outside the smol ball for convenient attention-getting.]

??

 

[He scritches some more, laughing quietly.]
You like that huh?

 

[That does startle him and he unconsciously curls around the tortie in his lap a little as if to shield the cat. He's in casual clothing and without his bayard so that's just great. He glares at the... robot.... insect....]

 

*Flops himself out and reaches towards the bug bots. No, you're too small, the ones he's seen have been way bigger! You look like babies!*

*Still purring despite his Worry*

Mrrh! *Paps him on the face. MAN UP BUTTERCUP we got BABIES afoot*