NSFW RP: consent, minors, and other boundaries

VAST CAT AHOY. and a bonus cat as an apology for withholding the fat toilet drinking cat

 

@keltka Would you mind offering examples of what you would consider being iffy on boundaries in the more freeform RPs? As just a vague statement it´s pretty alarming and upsetting to me because you´re saying there´s a problem but because I can´t see it I can´t even think about how we´d go about fixing it.

 

Wait, does this include places like DT, where all of the people in the rp are adults, we've got our own subforum, etc?

 

I'm... honestly still confused how "No fade to black ever under any circumstances when minors are involved" is actually supposed to change anything from normal approach of 'people write a romantic/potentially sexual relationship collaboratively between two characters'? Because at least my approach to that is... extensively coordinating comfort levels in OOC-threads or chats. And that usually starts with casually checking in if kisses would be okay OOC or nah. Like. Even if shit gets faded to black I'm still gonna be in OOC contact with people involved in the scene? I thought that was standard honestly.

 

is just purity culture gone amok.

 

Okay uh...I'm gonna base some examples off of content I've seen? And heard debates about
20-year-old character: -pulls back from kiss- whoa that was intense. I like it.
15-year-old character: -smirks and gestures towards the bedroom- there's more where that came from.
-fade to black-

But replace character with RPer, and it gets...kinda yikes? Also, I know there was some debate over 'xenobiology lessons', especially in the threads pheelog linked, and I think in that case, like...if it involves sharing detailed descriptions your character's genitals, or pictures of your character's genitals, then it seems very different from anatomical diagrams.

Underage/overage RPing is usually fine when both RPers are adults, but there are overage/underage sexual relationships were being portrayed in a RP group where there were underage people also RPing, which I think isn't quite the same as like...just adults around?

In addition to that, I know a lot of different RPs (on msparp, tumblr, etc.) have "give us some way to contact you Just In Case", but some of the RP rules I've seen seem to take it to an extreme of "we will constantly pester you if you cannot be around".

 

I continue to disagree on the fade to black things, because ime anything that coudl resonably be considered foreplay will be in the fade to black, aka never written.

Are you talking about charactersor RPers? because there´s kind of a huge difference and I am so not ok with blurring that line.

And what would you expect the forum as a whole to do about that? Honest question.

 

That topic has been talked over extensively and a consensus has been reached. It'd be super duper great if you could like not open that up again unless you're directly involved or have some sort of extra data you want to offer :)

Links pls. The vagueness is honestly the main problem I have rn for understanding what the hell the problem in specific even is.

 

I vote for making up some lovely calligraphy spelling out FUCK OFF, just in case anyone starts constantly pestering, so we can distribute it to the pesterers. Or alternative synonyms for "stop / knock it off / this is annoying / you're being rude."

 

I don't really see why that's yikes. IC=/=OOC and it's not like it's a 20 year old sexting with a 15 year old, which you seem to be interpreting it as? Can you clarify what's upsetting you? Are there examples of this happening where you feel it's for the sexual gratification of the rpers?

 

Thank you, that is an excellent plan. None of that is really related to NSFW but still, good plan.

 

I think that would be more subjective and not really something I can comment on properly? Different people have different definitions of foreplay, mine might be more or less constrained than someone else's, depending on the situation

See, that's the thing, I feel like that line HAS been getting blurred? Which is what makes me super uncomfortable.

Oh, uh...my issue's more with the idea that if I got into an RP, then my mental health TANKED, I'd be getting emails/pings/constant PMs over "where are you, why aren't you replying, what the fuck keltka", which...kinda freaks me out and tends to make my mental health tank worse? It's entirely possible I misunderstood the rule section I read, though!

Understandable! I wanted to give examples from what I've seen that made me incredibly uncomfortable, and that was one of them.

I'm super not comfortable pointing directly at anyone, I hope that's understandable!

 

Jokingly resolving one of the tertiary questions, I can help with a quip. The current tension re: NSFW between "this seems bad in a way that I'm struggling to words" and "I need words to understand it and make a good decision about it" is much harder to address.

 

Oops sorry that part was at the problem stated, not your solution.

It´s understandable but I´m sorry I´m really not ok with rules being made based on problems that are never concretely pointed to, meaning I can never evaluate the actual situation itself.

Which is kind of the problem here.

I get that, but I also don´t think it´s unreasonable to be concerned by very restrictive rules based on something that might maybe have happened somewhere.

 

sorry if any of the above isn´t clear, I am really deeply upset by this right now.

 

I... don't think I've seen that actually? Bearing in mind I'm only invoved with a limited number of games obviously, but as far as I cna tell, at most people at most got a bit antsy and annoyed if someone like. Vanished without a word? And then it's mostly worry. But tbh things like commitment level should be talked out with the RP in question anyways! If you can't be on call always or something that's not a problem in general it just means you can't like be part of a huge high commitment high speed game probably. Idk?

Okay I hope it's also understandable that the complete and utter vagueness is also super upsetting because it means there is literally no defined problem, just vague gesturing at stuff that may or may not be a problem?

As it is, without any kind of examples properly showing I'm wrong about this, I maintain that the standard amount of communication and coordination in all the games I have been involved in, plus maybe a NSFW/18+ tag that's more attention grabbing than the one currently on things are perfectly sufficient, and imo the literal purpose of fades to black is to keep things PG-13 and allowing minors the greatest amount of possible freedom in who or what they want to play without causing problems with legality. Whether or not someone, personally, wants to have their characters enter into any kind of situation where a fade to black may or may not occur is 1) up to the player in question, 100% of the time, entirely irrespective of age and 2) subject to afforementioned OOC-communication and coordination.

 

1. Two adults portraying an overage/underage sexual relationship in a place that is open to minors is, yikes, because it's showing minors an overage/underage sexual relationship. Whether the sex is explicit or fade-to-black, it is clear that a character who is a minor and a character who is an adult are having sex.

2. An adult and a minor portraying an overage/underage sexual relationship or, in fact, any sexual relationship is a big yikes because it means an adult and a minor are both actively participating in something that has a sexual slant to it, whether the sex is explicit or fade-to-black.

This is what's upsetting. This isn't about soothing my upset feelings, though, it's about addressing these concerns and doing something to protect the minors on this site who cannot legally consent to sexual anything, from being exposed to anything sexual.

Like I said before, there are examples of this happening, but I don't feel comfortable pointing to specific people as doing things to someone other than the mods, who are already aware of my concerns. Whether it's for the sexual gratification of the RPers or for plot reasons is kind of irrelevant to the fact that minors are being exposed to inappropriate content.

EDIT: I want to be clear, the issue is the age of the players, not the characters. There are a lot of big RPs that allow for underage participants, so it's an issue.