NSFW RP: consent, minors, and other boundaries

Discussion in 'That's So Meta!' started by seebs, Sep 2, 2017.

  1. Beldaran

    Beldaran 70% abuse and 30% ramen

    Though we might shuffle things between forums under the advisement of the players in the thread.
     
    • Like x 2
  2. Codeless

    Codeless Cheshire Cat

    Ok that is NOT how imo Rp characters work RP characters are generally fictional characters, and how much of oneself one puts in them can vary greatly. I´ve RPed sex scenes with people I have had no interest in sleeping with because again, fictional characters, not me myself.
    One problem is that people at least in the Rp focused drama, which is all I am talking about here, have instead of saying "I am uncomfortable with this thing and donßt want to do it" instead gone "This thing is bad and no one is allowed to do it." There´s a difference.
     
    • Agree x 3
    • Like x 1
  3. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    As stands, there are multiple people who feel like they cannot do that both in relation to this and wider issues and have contacted me about it to provide anonymous quotes for a thread I intend to make about boundaries and the ability to voice discomfort on the wider forum at some point in the future not right now i'm too stressed.
     
    • Agree x 3
  4. rigorist

    rigorist On the beach

    I've been watching folks champing at the bit for rules all day.
     
    • Agree x 2
  5. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Could well be? But, again: I don't think this is a generally-safe thing to do in adult/minor relationships.

    Heck, if you make an extreme enough example, I'll say "this is bad and no one is allowed to do it". I think that, in general, it's something of a sliding scale. Sufficiently ridiculously extreme stuff, yeah, we'll probably just say "fuck it i'm deleting that post and yelling at the user to not do that". Sufficiently mundane and not obviously harmful stuff, we might well just say "okay, so you don't like it, don't read it, problem solved". And somewhere in the middle, maybe it gets reasonable to say "hey look what you're doing isn't necessarily wrong, but other people in the same RP thread are expressing distress, maybe cool it down some". And so on.

    I think that, once you get to "adult/minor sexuality-themed interactions which the minors haven't really indicated comfort with", it is pretty reasonable to expect some people to say "please don't do this, it's upsetting".
     
    • Informative x 1
  6. unknownanonymous

    unknownanonymous i am inimitable, i am an original|18+

    how does that work out in practice? do i have to ask every time i want norm to make an innuendo or crack a sexual joke? do i have to ask everyone for their permission if i'm playing both halves of a couple in the rp, and i have that couple decide to have a fade-to-black? do i let the other player(s) know that there is a chance of me doing sex-implication when i'm rping as soon as i start rping with them? do i tell everyone right off the bat that norm likes sex and likes to talk about it, and that au!temple/biff (who are not actually in any rps here yet) are a couple with a sex life, as soon as i start rping with them? what the hell am i supposed to do to make sure of that?
     
    • Agree x 1
  7. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    I've been watching folks demand that I make definite rules about a bunch of stuff for something like, what, two and a half years now?

    Not a huge fan. I'm much inclined to provide people with better tools, hash out some consensus, and let people make their own judgment calls.
     
  8. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    That one, yes. That's probably the best thing to do there, and also add that if anyone is uncomfortable with anything he does at their character you won't hesitate to back off. That way everyone knows the line and what to expect C:
     
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  9. Codeless

    Codeless Cheshire Cat

    @unknownanonymous you could stick it in his profile? Seems the best place to keep it so you don´t have to restate it all the time.
     
    • Agree x 2
  10. rigorist

    rigorist On the beach

    Concur.

    Let folks self-organize. No mods, no masters.
     
    • Agree x 2
  11. unknownanonymous

    unknownanonymous i am inimitable, i am an original|18+

    thanks! :D

    and that means that sex-implication stuff a one-player couple (like the hypothetical au!temple/biff) does as an unit (as in, temple and biff doing sex-implication at and about each other, not polying it up or cracking jokes with other characters or vaguely discussing their sex life with each other) doesn't have to be worked out with the rest of the players? or did you have a different reason for only highlighting that particular norm example from a list of examples that didn't only involve him?

    i just want it to be clear what you want from me here.
    thanks! :D
     
  12. Codeless

    Codeless Cheshire Cat

    Something that might be useful to note: A lot of us, on both sides I would suspect, have some pretty bad tumblr fleas when it comes to discussing sexual stuff in fiction.
     
    • Agree x 7
  13. AbsenteeLandlady123

    AbsenteeLandlady123 Chronically screaming

    I don't think so! If someone expresses discomfort with specific content, maybe consider that going forward but aside from that it's just about consent, y'know? C:
     
    • Like x 1
  14. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Yeah, maybe a good time to remind people: I'm pretty hostile to "rules" as a general category. I think there's a perceived problem, I think there's at least some kind of real problem... But I also think people will probably deal just fine if they talk about their expectations more. Because so often, when we have things like this, the problem is in part everyone coming to the table with "obvious" expectations and assuming everyone else knows them. And if people talk about what they want or need, just about everyone involved will work to make it happen, so it should be fine.

    I'm not going to make a definite rule if creating a thread tag and saying "hey people remember that some minors won't want to talk about their characters fucking, even off-camera" will address things adequately.
     
    • Like x 2
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  15. unknownanonymous

    unknownanonymous i am inimitable, i am an original|18+

    thanks! :D
     
  16. seebs

    seebs Benevolent Dictator

    Yeah.

    So just to be clear and specific: I don't blame you for being twitchy, I know discussions like this often sound like they're going to produce extremely draconian rules. I am not trying to say "haha stupid person having emotional reactions to a thing that isn't happening", I'm saying "yeah that would suck i am definitely not comfortable doing a thing like that". I'm offering an assurance about the thing because I can easily see people who've seen forum RP drama in the past being afraid.
     
    • Like x 1
    • Informative x 1
  17. Codeless

    Codeless Cheshire Cat

    Slightly but not entirely off topic:
    Opinions on "G" or "Gen" as a tag on RP subs of people who do not wish to RP sex? (Whther fade to black counts as sex or not might be best to aks the person in question, since adults clearly also feel differently about that)
     
    • Useful x 4
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  18. Mendacity

    Mendacity I’m meaner than my demons

    At this point it seems like more rp tag options might be best. Or just wording out tags in titles (like we have been doing since this argument first started back at my honeymoon) I think a nsfw section and some of the other things we talked about / hashed out would help solve this.

    I also think at this point there are two conversations going on in this thread
     
    • Agree x 2
  19. rje

    rje here comes the sun

    I feel that assuming people's rp characters are wholly divorced from themselves can be dangerous. I've had more than one instance where someone i thought was just playing a character was in fact playing a thinly veiled version of themselves, and thus what we RP'd they *lived* if you get my meaning. Its quite upsetting to find out when you thought you were just roleplaying two characters having sex, you were, in fact, essentially cybering with them. (Esp when you get to find out later the person was a minor & had lied!) Went so far as ppl thinking *we* were dating instead of just our characters. So i think it's better to just play it safe instead of assuming. I don't rp explicit *or* implicit sexual content without taking to my partner about it first, and figuring out our boundaries and the way they approach it. It's for my safety as much as anything tbh. (but i am jaded & overly cautious now)
     
    • Agree x 7
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  20. Morven

    Morven In darkness be the sound and light

    But I think we're also talking about situations where there has been that talk.

    Let's face it, I don't think agreeing that your characters have off-camera sex is something that people would Just Know was unacceptable between minor and adult. Clearly many people don't know or don't agree, so we shouldn't be acting as if it were obvious knowledge and expected. We can set that as a rule here but please, I am sick to death of people assuming You Should Know in a forum full of autistics.
     
    • Agree x 7
    • Winner x 1
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