NSFW RP: consent, minors, and other boundaries

Can I just ask which part of this would not be addressed by spoiler tags and tagging your own accounts for non involvement with violence? Because I'm honestly a little stumped, I'm probbaly a bit hard to shock because of how my own tastes run, but spoiler tags that clearly tag with warnings should suffice for that shouldn't it?

 

"people like me?" i think you're projecting, literally when did i say that sex is the only thing that's a problem? when did i imply that sex is the only thing someone could have a legitimate objection to?

fwiw, i agree that you shouldn't have to see violence in rp when you don't want to, the same way that people shouldn't have to see sex in rp. nobody should have to be miserable.

i guess the reason i dont like it is because, when someone states a boundary around sex issues, i keep seeing "well what about violence" and it seems defensive and dismissive, like a "gotcha" instead of respecting the boundary. if that's not your intent, fine, but that's how it reads to me

 

and my primary issue with this ENTIRE thing is that i feel like there's a culture where, when people have boundary issues, they're nervous to express them because they feel like they'll be shot down and argued with. i am one of these people, and i can't speak for anyone else but i'm pretty sure i've seen similar sentiments in this thread.

 

I hope I'm not stepping on any toes (and I'm about to step out anyways to sleep hah) but I think that's because largely the question of how to keep sexual content out of RP spaces that minors use are more or less talked over already and strategies have been decided on that are getting implemented now. So people moved on to the other big topic which is tangled up in this, violence. If you have something specific you wanted adressed wrt sexual content and I missed that, I'm super sorry, again i'm kind of tired and just checking in briefly and trying to help a lil before bed!

 

Communication is hard. I don't mean that sarcastically at all. I'm quite good at figuring out where communication has broken down and extrapolating why it has, it's difficult, spoon draining, and exhausting.
I'm trying to be better about enforcing my own boundaries, and in doing so I'm also encouraging it for others, so: If anyone needs to take a break, do so. Take this as permission to disengage, go get a drink, close this tab, and do some self-care.

 

Yeah that's a definite problem which we need to work on - open and communictaive atmospheres are very important! I hope the offered venues of contacting mods and stuff are helping at least a little! Thank you for bringing up your concerns by the way!

 

I was responding to the person who was saying that they were upset that every time someone asks about tags and warnings for sex, other people bring up violence, because they think it's a political argument being used to silence their discomfort with sex and don't believe some people actually are uncomfortable with the violence or that their discomfort is less important.

I wasn't stating that any of the current RPs I'm in are doing it wrong right now, nor was I stating that any proposed solutions would not work.

 

okay, that makes sense - it would seem that way if hte conversation had moved on, and i come in here with this. i just was too nervous to post before because i'm very conflict-averse, but it's something that's bothered me before and bothered me when it came up in this discussion.

 

You did very well in bringing up your feelings on this, I understand completely how stressful that is. Please feel free to disengage now and do self-care if you can.

 

No, it's not my intent. It's my personal damage. The most upsetting RP experiences I have had on Kintsugi have been situations where due to a loophole in a game that has since been fixed, someone was able to introduce significant amounts of violence into what was supposed to be an involuntary-combat-free space by bringing their own NPCs into the game to use as punching bags.

ETA: This was especially upsetting because, unlike my own game where combat is allowed, but everyone has to agree to it and all potentially lethal combat is supposed to be with GM-provided enemies, no involuntary combat meant that no characters played by other people could intervene.

 

That's fair! I'm sorry you felt you couldn't speak up before this. I hope that going forward this can be resolved in a way that makes everyone more comfortable!

 

actually nvm i realized how that could have been misconstrued as that, sorry

not my intent to make you feel like i think the violence hurt is fake or less important, just feeling silenced when it's used as an argument against people with sex-related hurts

 

Something I´d like to bring up for consideration that was mentioned by rje. (not pinging cause dunno if they noped out or not):
A teen only nsfw area. Would allow teens to approach nsfw topics actually more freely than in mixed company. (If that is too hard to implement i understand though)

 

that does sound incredibly upsetting, and i'm sorry that it happened
i hope we can all figure out a way to communicate clearly so that none of us have to see awful and upsetting stuff like this, and i think that's a big part of what we're all aiming for with this thread

 

I'm unsure if that is legally a good idea, pinging @rigorist for that one, but if it is and it's a thing the teenage users would like, then maybe?

 

I think I overstated the goal.

We cannot prevent truly predatory people for predating. They will move offsite to more private means of creeping. Nothing we can do about that. We also can't do anything about a minor aggressively lying about their age.

What we can try to do is prevent inadvertent stuff. Inadvertent stuff can still be harmful. But if we can establish a culture and norm where people are aware of potential problems and where we decrease quasi-sexual interactions between adults and children, we can cut down on people getting hurt by accident.

It's not so much having rules and reasons for deleting posts. It's a matter of being aware of potential problems and getting some help untangling potentially messy situations.

This all seems really obvious when we look at it in the cold light of a Meta thread; but it's probably not so obvious when people are having fun and goofing around in an rp thread. We're trying to set stuff up so people can still have fun while decreasing the risk of people getting hurt by accident.