Requesting Funny Pet Stories

So are dogs the real Underpants Gnomes? Because that would explain a lot.

 

My cat Reaver is like that, except his is a weird gladiatorial combat thing. He brings mice and gophers to us so we can watch him kill them. Also so he can release them inside and chase them there on his turf.

When he brings us dead critters he's usually taken the parts he wants, which is always a Joy to clean up, but notably one time when I was first getting treatment for MI and going through all the nasty side effects of "throwing minor-approved medications at the symptoms to see what sticks" and generally in a bad way he left a huge gopher- I don't think I've ever had to clean up one bigger before or since- that was almost pristine next to my computer chair for me to wake up to. Like he'd taken the utmost care hunting it to make sure he didn't damage any of the good parts before delivery. This is the same cat who's been known to make the garage look like something out of a slasher fic.

I felt supremely blessed, and he was a very good kitty, but I still put it outside for him to eat because gophers just aren't my thing, sorry dude.

 

@Lazarae What a good murderous beastie

 

dude I've lost so many pairs of underwear to one specific adult dog, and she didn't even buy me dinner first. I feel so used

also your and @Lazarae's cats are awesome. my brother's old cat would bring dead mice and small birds home, and a fuckton of dead lizards bc my city is built on a loosely filled in swamp. and when my dad was a kid, his cat brought home at least two jackrabbits, for which he was v proud of himself

my own murderbeast limits herself to hair ties and any lizards that wander into the house, bc she's a good cat who protects me from my bizarre phobia (the lizards, not the hair ties)

 

My cat is really good finder of prey, but terrible at hunting. Her preferred method of bug disposal is patting the bug with her paw a few times then sniffing to see if it's dead, repeat until I notice and come take care of the bug.

A couple days ago she found a roach. Huge fuckoff cockroach bigger than my thumb.

Cue me screaming "BOO GET THE FUCK OUT THE WAY" and 90 degree curbstomping a roach into the spirit realm. I let her play with the corpse for a couple minutes while I calmed down, then rewarded her with beef jerky for alerting me to the roach before it laid eggs in anything.

 

One of my rats, Beans, would sit on my shoulder, grab my nose, and try to pull my face into a better position for grooming. My other rat, Peaches, would twist around so far to groom her own behind that she fell over and did a little somersault, and it always seemed to surprise her.

Check out this lady's site for funny cat stories.

 

my mother's parrot was perching on my door adn then she decided she didn't want to be there so she flew off and tried to land on my water glass
result: wet parrot hiding under my bed from the scary water glass that poured cold water on her

 

my mother just came into my room, talking on the phone and holding a bag of groceries with the parrot clinging to it and trying to eat the bag, and asked me to help her get the parrot off the groceries

then when she set the groceries down on my bed the parrot moved to clinging to mum's shirt

 

I kept hearing this quiet thump noise earlier and couldn't figure out what it was. Until I looked over at my bearded dragon's cage and saw him ramming into the glass trying his hardest to get to a stinkbug that was crawling up the outside of his tank. I caught the stinkbug and gave him a couple mealworms to make up for it.

Another one for my beardie. His favorite thing in the world is crickets but I can't get them very often where I currently live. Well yesterday I found some and he just barely gave me time to get the lid off the container before sticking his head in and having a feeding frenzy. He looked very satisfied with himself when he polished off the container.

 

I'm not sure if this is so much a funny pet story so much as a "my parents have dogs and it is currently 7 degrees Fahrenheit out, 3 with the windchill" story, but apparently their yard currently contains what my sibling described as "tiny yellow stalagmites." We were appropriately sympathetic to the poor cold beasties once we stopped laughing.

 

My dogs have all been very reluctant to go outside in the cold weather, but they'll generally go without much fuss when I tell them to... Except my German Shepherd, Reaper. This BIG BABY! Will THROW himself on the floor in front of the door and whimper and whine and cry the whole time I'm trying to usher him out. Meanwhile my other 2 dogs (who both have very short fur, i might add) will go out without so much as a grumble.

Its gotten to the point that i have to physically slide him across the floor all the way outside while he continues to whine. He's so ridiculous.

 

Missy hides behind a chair whenever someone opens the back door unless she really, really has to go out. Which is quite reasonable, considering that she weighs like 15 pounds and her fur is so short that her stomach is nearly bald.

 

they understand what many humans don't- that cold is evil

 

I just started using my new easel and paint sheet underneath it for the first time. Lupin has now discovered that paint is not fun to step on.

The paint sheet is now signed with a single perfect pawprint. I might cut it out of the edge and laminate it.

(Don't worry about her ingesting it, I was using non-toxic poster paint to do a wash and caught her in time to wipe it all off. But her NOPE expression is eternally adorable)

 

so i got home and let the bird out of her cage, and then i go to plug my phone in, and i come back from that and the bird is on the back of a chair near her cage. and she sees me and beeps and waves her foot around to be picked up. so i go pick her up and she tries to fly me...back to her cage. that is about a meter away and that she just left.

 

The thing with dogs (and also cats) and underwear is that your underwear, even when clean but especially when it's in a hamper with your other dirty clothing, smells like YOU, unless your laundry soap is perfumed, which...is terrible for your skin, especially with underwear. Your pheromones are in there!

Animals love our personal scents. They're not squeamish like humans with good modern hygiene. Smells serve as an identifying thing, and when you consider how many types of animals like to mark their territory with urine...they like things that smell like their people smell.

They also like dirty socks for similar reasons. I had a cat who was so deeply attached to a pair of old sandals that had gotten stinky that I put one in her carrier for calming purposes (worked like a charm) and also so that she'd stop trying to remove them both from the garbage.

This same cat, who I had before I found out I had celiac disease, liked bread so much it had to be kept in the fridge or a locked box or a cabinet she couldn't open, because she knew that the plastic bread is wrapped in can easily be breached by kitty teeth and kitty claws, and you'd find kitty bites all over the bread.

 

My brother's dog is a pitbull/english mastif mix. Very strong dog. Sweetest girl you'll ever meet, but she's 90 pounds of solid muscle with teeth to match. I don't believe anything about pitbulls having locking jaws or the strongest bite strength of any dog or any of that, but the girl can chew like you wouldn't believe. For Christmas she got a kong toy. My parents got her the biggest, most indestructable one petsmart carries in the hopes that it would last her a while and she could have something to really work her teeth into.

Christmas morning came, we opened it up for her, put a cookie in it and gave it to her to have fun with. Half an hour later she came back and dropped half of it on my brother's lap. She couldn't get the cookie back out of the hole, so she made a new hole.

Good Padme, you win at kong.

 

I can't believe I never mentioned this before, but Lupin's #1 favourite people-food-that-shes-not-designed-to-eat is popcorn. She adores popcorn. She love the cronch. To the point where if I'm lying down and eating it, she will shove her face into my mouth to steal it.

Literally the only way to stop her is to just give her a piece when she starts begging and bop her if she's rude enough to beg for more.

I know it's not the best for her, but I did my research and its not the end of the world for her to have one or two bits now and then so long as there's no kind of allium powder involved. I always check ingredients when I don't pop my own, and besides, at 18 I think she's well and truly reached the YOLO stage of life insofar as these things go ^^;;;