Rules thread derail

petra, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable how consistently you defend cT and make excuses for her behavior. you say youre not excusing her, but youre also saying her behavior is probably caused by trauma, which is kind of an excuse. i dont even think intent is super on the discussion table right now, just actions and patterns of behavior, and bringing speculative intent into it really comes off to me as excusing it, when a lot of people are opening up about years of shit that made them uncomfortable.

 

No, that's fine. I was actually arguing on the other side of that but I can see why you'd be defensive, since people have been dismissive like that before.

 

I apologize for using the quirk. It was an attempt to further disguise who I am. @Petra I will stop doing that.
Beldaran, I agree that RP should stay in rp.

More details, then, since you asked: I was in WT for a while. I made a request to do something with a character in the OOC chat that was decided to be too OP. So I didn't do it, agreed to nerf the character, and moved on.

A while later I learned that this was being used as an example of Bad RP Behavior, long after I had dripped the game due to lack of spoons.

That is all I am comfortable saying. But there it is.

Again, I am sorry for working. I am not playing Xefros. I am me, wearing a paper bag over my head.

 

That's not what I'm saying.

Intent is kind of on the table when people are openly speculating that CT is an abuser looking to groom people, though. That's what I'm saying, that I think that's inappropriate. Her behavior is not great and she has a tendency to get super defensive, but I also don't think I should have to append that to every post.

 

*quirking.

Thanks, phone.

 

@Petra made an amendment to my post, mentioning it in case you don't see it because it's on the previous page.

 

Spoiler: thoughts, trying to explain a thing

Pointing out resemblance to patterns of behavior as a means of going 'hey if you don't mean to do this, please examine and change your behavior because it's super alarming' isn't the same thing.
Like, yeah there are uncanny resemblances to things I personally went through...that's the point. I am not claiming that she is an abuser, I'm at least personally saying that there's a consistent pattern of disregarding boundaries and sexually aggressive behavior that matches key elements of my grooming. That should be alarming and upsetting. When multiple people from different social circles are having the same experience, in some case over years, it highlights that there is actually a serious problem in that pattern of behavior that looks intentionally predatory, and if it's not, knowing that should help fix it. It fucking sucks to hear but not saying anything is a disservice, because the result is people staying silent, getting sick with stress, and retreating from social interaction and nothing getting better.

 

Okay, let me be really clear here, since I've got permission to and since I'm feeling a bit jumped on. This'll be my last post in here probably because I'm not really up to be fielding everyone's distress.

Spoiler: sexual abuse mention

CT is a survivor of sexual abuse and csa, not just the (dubiously?) consensual sex she had as a teenager that's she's talked about. I think this contributes to some blurring of boundaries on her part that is legitimately and reasonably super upsetting to other people. But I also think it's important context for understanding where she's coming from that isn't 'oh she's DELIBERATELY TRYING TO BLUR BOUNDARIES bc she's predatory'.

Just because she's older than most people here doesn't mean it's fair to expect her to be 100% over some pretty heinous shit.

 

That said I do think it's important for people to be able to say they've been uncomfortable and point out patterns of behavior. If everyone just shuts up, nothing can change, and even if someone isn't intending to hurt people, it's good for them to know when they ARE so they can change their behavior.

 

Okay. Thank you. I do think it's good you're posting, I just got upset because you were quirking, because that comes off more as being performatively IC than identity disguising to me. That might have just been me.

 

removing the pinging code because you're stepping out, but no, having survived sexual abuse is not an excuse for not having learned to not erode and ignore people's boundaries, get furious when told you're doing so, and advocate for 'it's not statutory if you enjoyed it' after thirty to forty years. it's not. it wouldn't be excusable if you were only a few years out of that situation, and shockingly most of the abuse survivors on this forum have learned how to do that while still in that abusive situation, even. her not knowing this shit is entirely on her by now.

(also, i don't know what you guys' dynamic/comfort level is here, but i'd just like to mention that i would personally be really uncomfortable with someone else bringing up my sexual abuse history for discussion, especially if i am not present, and am really uncomfortable with being made/invited to discuss it.)

edit: clarified some phrasing.

 

frankly everyone here is traumatized. that is assumed if youre posting here. i am bothered by seeing it brought up every time certain people behave badly.

also, frankly, im fucking insulted to have been consistently accused of ageism against cT by other people every time i said something alluding to being uncomfortable with her behavior. i didnt know how old she was until this thread, so i wasnt holding it against her. i feel like my character is being called into question when people reduce my concerns to ageist bias. related: being puritanical, being an anti, hating sex, hating women, etc. i feel like people havent been taking concerns about cT seriously because clearly im just biased by society or something

edited to remove some superfluous fbombs

 

I got permission and spoilered it because I don't think people should have to discuss it, sorry.

 

I'm sorry you feel jumped on also, I appreciate you offering the perspective. I was aware also, and do not in any way dismiss trauma responses.

 

Yeah. I'm really not trying to dismiss people's upset because it's valid when they find CT's behavior upsetting and unsettling and I think the weight of that is on CT to change how she interacts, not on other people to just not be upset.

 

petra was not dismissing your feelings, and nor was she accusing you of ageism. she was stating that its unfair to assume someone is going to be further on recovery just because of their age, ive seen the argument both ways. as in, oh youre young you should have adjusted quickly and gotten over it or youre old you should be over it by now.

petra was pointing out a shitty part of abuse recovery rhetoric. this is not an excuse, it is something that rears its disgusting head in arguments like this. mentioning someones age in regard to their bad/good/whatever behavior is pointless and useless. that was the point.