shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

*ALAS, another goddamn Karkat. Except, this one has all the EXTENDED LEGS and PATCHY FACIAL SCRUFF of the @Kankri Vantas and @chained pr9phet flavor of Vantas. He's a special, special snowflake in desperate need of a shave.*

 

:O
You're growing fuzzy stuff on your face, how are you doing that?

 

AN ARDUOUS PROCESS! I BATHE IN THE METALLIC BLOOD OF INNOCENT TALKING FUCKING ROBOT GREMLINS FOR MANY MOONS, AND I MUST SACRIFICE A BLEATBEAST TO THE HOLY DEITY OF FUZZY FACIAL SHIT ON THE EVE OF THE DEATH OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR, NECKBEARD CHRIST.

 

>:O
That's very rude! I only know what half of those words mean but it sounds rude!!!!

 

I SIT HERE AND IT SPROUTS OUT OF MY FACE AT THE ASTONISHING PACE OF ONE BEARD PER BEARD. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

 

Uhhhh nothing really? I live here! I'm just kind of... around. What do you want from me?

 

I DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM YOU?? WHY DO I HAVE TO WANT THINGS FROM YOU. WHY CAN'T I BE JUST KIND OF AROUND TOO.

 

Oh! Okay! I just thought that maybe I could uh help you? Or get you somethign to drink maybe.

 

NO, NO, NO, NO, GOD NO, GOD FUCKING NO, NO, NO NO NO NO NO. LOOK, I'M FLATTERED! I REALLY AM, BECAUSE GETTING HIT ON BY INDUSTRIAL STRANGERS IS THE SOLE REASON I DRAG MYSELF FROM THE SUSPICIOUSLY FIRM AND UN-SLIME-LIKE CONFINES OF MY PLUSH RECUPERATION TORTILLA IN THE EVENING. IF I WENT EVEN A SINGLE DAY WITHOUT FONDLY LOOKING FORWARD TO SUCH AN EVENT, I THINK MY PUSHER WOULD ACTUALLY SPONTANEOUSLY CEASE TO PUMP BLOOD THROUGHOUT MY OVERTAXED, EXTENDED VEINS. ALAS, I WOULD GET MORE SATISFACTION FROM SHOVING EACH OF MY SEVEN BULGES INTO THE SAND-LIKE CRUMB INFESTED DEPTHS OF A GRAINSLAB THERMULATOR.

 

Uhhhhhhhhhh
I'm not hitting you? Or... hitting on you? whatever that means.
Offering people who visit where you live drinks is just polite!

 

Mi?

 

"Hitting on" is a slang term for making a romantic or sexual overture. I believe they thought you were flirting, as at least in human media the offer of an alcoholic drink is considered a standard opening to get to know someone better with possible romantic intentions.

 

Oh! Uh no I don't really think I wanna do any of that yet. Kissing people is weird :P

 

A silver tabby cat walks out of the shadows to sit on the thread.

"My rp now" they purr.

 

Water is nice, since it keeps me alive, but caves are definitely not so nice, since I also need sunlight.

...And also since the dolls who live in them are much more violent and scary than I am.

 

Aish shifts to their human form and regards the newcomer.

"Those must be some very interesting caves, to make dolls violent."

 

Maybe they would be, if you didn’t have the cause and effect mixed up.

 

"I was born in Faerie," Aish laughs. "Cause and effect don't always mean the things one expects. So what makes those dolls violent? And why do the violent ones choose to live in caves? I had thought they would prefer old and creaky houses."

 

[A silhouette-like thing of a dragon pops into the Rave.]
Hi there people. I gotta say I am a bit surprised at things not being completely dead here. Scape necromancy: always fun except for all the exceptions.
Anyway my name's Peeps.

 

"Hello, Peeps. I'm Aish, of the Court of Wandering Cats."