things that are currently making you anxious

ive been told by a few people who i really respected that i seem to lack the fundamental life skills and knowledge that one needs to go through life
and every time i fuck up i hear their voices in my head reminding me of that

i feel like i'll never possibly develop all the skills i need to develop because theyre not developable skills, theyre something you either have or you dont, and i dont

 

i'm about to present yet another goddamn powerpoint

 

i have been dissociating every day for two fucking weeks

 

witnessed, me too

 

Hi i need reaffirmation, a wrist joint (ulnar bone) is bigger than the other
But my parents say its not, but i clearly think it is

But i also have less muscle definition in that arm overall, would having less muscle make it seem more prominent and joint-y

And is it normal to have slightly different ulnar bones

Tdlr i need validation that i dont have some weird ass arm cancer

 

Also i took generalized blood samples about two months ago, not for anything specific outside of an acute illness thing and they found nothing that would indicate disease

If i had had a serious disease it would show in my organ/mineral/whatever levels right

 

most things would at least throw something in the blood samples off, yea
anything rheumatic might not, bc not all people test positive on the inflammation factor parts of blood work, which is a known problem for a sizable minority of cases, called seronegative rheumatoid arthritis.
does the joint that you feel is bigger than the other like hurt or something, is stiff more often than the other or feel hot to the touch often? In that case you might wanna like. Ask a doctor to do Some Sort Of Imaging Thing with it to see if it's got any of the visible changes associated with chronic inflammation shit

 

It does not hurt at all

My tho fingers hurt on both hands in the joints but since you’ve been following my vent thread i think you know I’m hypermobile and idk isn’t that a pretty common symptom

I literally feel nothing unusual it just looks big and feels big

 

Also I’m not worried about inflammation, i get inflammations all the time and i usually either cope with them or walk them off

I’m only worried about it being a cancerous tumor rip

 

considering I'm getting looked over for potential eds on top of my psoriasis arthritis it's totes possible to have both :')
But ya nah, it's probably not cancer, especially if you have lots of inflammation stuff usually, "looks big but no one else can tell, but feels big" is something I have a lot with joints. it'll probably go away in a bit, but even if it doesn't it's prolly nothing malicious.

 

It’s very unlikely to be cancer. Bone cancers apparently hurt terribly as a characteristic symptom, and they’re also quite rare. If it’s not bothering you, I wouldn’t worry about it for now

 

Thanks mates yall help a lot

On the side hand my wrist/finger and arm pains are getting worse, i think its soon time to armor myself with those finger brace things and look like an elf price that is preventing arthritis step by step

 

If you can carry on a conversation is it still a panic attack?

 

I've managed to keep working at a dollar store during one so I'd say yes.

 

I had to make a phone call to a place I'd never called before. My heart is still racing

 

I'm starting lifespan integration therapy tomorrow with my therapist and I'm feeling very jittery

 

A job wants to give me an animation test to see if I'll fit in/be hire able and I had to sign a non disclosure agreement before they can give me test materials and asked me to sign it asap so I signed it and sent it back within 5 hours of receiving it but I didn't get anything back for a week so I asked and it didn't send?!????! And now I've resent it to them twice on two different devices to try and make sure it sends but there's time difference so I have to wait until at least tomorrow for any response and I'm so nervous it's just refusing to send attachments and I REALLY REALLY want and sorta need this job and wanted to make a good impression but now I feel like I seem lazy or annoying and I'm so fucking nervous and frustrated, this had to go perfect why is everything so bad and I just want to spam email it over to them until I'm completely sure it worked but I know that would be annoying but oh my god I don't want them to pass me up for this job because of computer errors ;-;

 

My order at a restaurant was wrong enough that I had to send it back but I tried to manage it first so I ate like a wing and a half before asking for it to be replaced and now I feel like a total asshole >.< I can't with buffalo sauce tho it kills me

 

A very sweet friend is Beta-ing for me. I'm not used to ever having a Beta but the more time goes on the more I realize I need one, not just bc it's a smart thing to do but also because I'm more and more prone to dropping or replacing words or getting myself confused or repeating myself. And it feels so shameful to ask for help that it's killing me.

But even worse now that she's actually poking at it on google docs, albeit kindly because she's a sweet person, she's very thorough. and I'm seeing all the mistakes and things I did wrong and I just want to shrivel up and die. I'm gonna take her suggestions, they're good ones and useful ones that are just enhancing the story I was already telling or repairing my fuckups but god I hate being this terrible, I keep needing to not look at the googledoc while she works because I forget to breathe. ;A;

 

Ok I'm spiraling and I need a reality check. My best friend from high school sent me a letter 2+ weeks ago and I replied same day. Her letter was about trying to get in touch again so I wrote back, agreeing and giving my phone number asking her to text me or write again if she wants.

No reply has come and I can't decide whether to write again or wait it out. What if my letter got lost? She'd be sitting there thinking I didn't want to talk to her. What if she did get it but changed her mind about talking? Was the phone number too much? What if I write again and she gets creeped out from me rushing things?

I'm just... Extremely worried