sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

crossposted from my naruto tungle:

haku lived with zabuza for years, so he’ll snarl and flash his teeth when he’s angry like zab does. haku is haku, so of course it looks stupid, but zabuza thinks it’s adorable

 

Dirk's shirt with a picture of a hat on it was a very clumsy attempt to steal the hat's logo, either by him as a kid or his bro as a joke to leave for him. The hat photo is really poor quality.

 

Telling the Bees is a very real thing on Alternia and Beforus! If you choose to use an apiculture computer system, you absolutely MUST keep your Bees up to date on gossip, or they will go on strike in protest and may even fly away entirely.

If you tell fibs to the Bees it...won't go well. For you.

 

Dean Winchester steals clothes. Shirts and jackets, mostly from Sam and John way back when. It's not always a comfort thing, but he tends to get the urge when he's feeling hurt or vulnerable.

The year he spent with Lisa, he definitely ruined at least one of her shirts stretching it out, and the only reason he never wore Cas's trench-coat when he had it season 7 is cause it's inexcusably creepy to wear a dead guy's clothing. He was tempted, tho.

 

papyrus is not usually as over-the-top as you tend to see him in-game, he is deliberately being more silly and over-the-top than normal because he recognizes that frisk is like...10

 

Neither Keaton nor Kaden is actually the leader of anything. They just think they are and all the other wolfskins and kitsune have given up trying to convince them otherwise.

 

Also, talking of lovable dafties, Cloud Strife failed to get into SOLDIER not due to physical incapacity but because he failed the basic intelligence test.

 

Isn't that basically canon? Or at least "low Will Save."

 

this: http://friskibitz.tumblr.com/post/169065248773/ok-so-i-actually-have-a-hc-about-the-monster
is my new headcanon

at least in part because it's hilarious

 

chara is the sort of kid who will try to eat random things from the ground.
like dirt. and worms. and stones.

toriel despairs.

 

Rating this Witnessed on Toriel's behalf. :P

 

relatedly: there are areas in the underground where the high magic content results in 'rocks' that are really lumps of solidified magic in the shape of rocks.

they taste like fizzy.

this is monster rock candy. it is farmed. rock candy farmers try to adjust the taste of the rocks by doing things varying from adding specific magic patterns to arranging the nucleation sites/seed rocks in specific ways to just flat out adding flavouring.

chara thinks the steps are "find the right kind of rock"

 

please don't do this to me

 

charmeleon and charizard have their horn(s) as their ears

they do not like being petted there because it's loud (for them)

 

due to the size of pokemon pollinators like combee, the pokemon world has some really huge and/or weird flowers, which can have some pretty weird tasting nectar.
sometimes the nectar is harvested and used as a flavouring in some gourmet foods

 

all members of the togepi line are at least a little aura-sensitive.
that's how they sense emotions etc.

some togekiss figure out how to use aura telepathy to talk to humans, or to other pokemon that are far away. cynthia's togekiss did this.

it likes to tell her puns.

ETA: her lucario also has aura telepathy, but doesn't generally say anything in public. this is in part because he reads a comic book series involving a Serious Brooding mute were-lucario shapeshifter and thinks the character is cool and tries to appear as Serious as that character does.

in private he sometimes does david attenborough-style narration...of random everyday things.

 

phantump, murkrow, and chatot can all often learn to talk. imitating voices is easy for them-or at least a human voice-but making all the right sounds in the right order to actually Say A Sentence is harder.

phantump that have learnt to talk are the most likely to use this for pranks. like ordering their trainer a pizza over the phone at 2am. or they might come up behind you and go "Hi!" very suddenly in your mother's voice or whatever. they're ghost type they tend to like pranks.

chatot tend to be able to make the noises well before being able to understand them and so if you have a young chatot and get a phone call you may end up with an excited chatot 'joining in' with nonsense, beeping, etc like a normal non-pokemon parrot. older chatot will do things like try to answer the phone for you.

murkrow sound like old text-to-speech. wild murkrow will often learn to say something short, like "hello" or whatever, and startle people with it for laughs. trained murkrow can sometimes hold short conversations in human speech. longer ones, they tend to start mangling their words.

 

chatot, like real parrots, like to chew on things. sometimes really random things.
unlike parrots, you can teach them things like "do not dismantle the keyboard" and "do not chew cables, you will get shocked".

 

Silly thought I had about a troll/human coexistence AU in which English and Trollish are different languages: Bro Strider combines his "irony" and "messing with people" schticks and speaks Trollish in the same manner Donovan Deegan speaks Orcish. John Egbert does the same, but in his case it's because Trollish sounds more or less like cicada noises and he genuinely can't pronounce it properly. "My landmass erupts with kittens!"

 

Basil the Great Mouse Detective is a distant descendant and a bit of a black sheep of the Gonfelin line who turned the family's extensive knowledge of thievery to stopping it instead of doing it.