…are you even a real doctor? Did you just try to murder this character by overdosing him with painkillers? Let's not even get into the fact that one of the other canon characters in this fic has healing powers and there's no need for this random doctor guy to be there except for a really clumsy attempt at adding conflict, which is my more gripe more generally (there's no reason at all given for why Character A can't heal Character B, he just can't). But the conflict was not, as far as I can tell, intended to be about what a terrible friggin' doctor this dude is.
When you kudos a fic that takes such a steep quality nosedive after the first chapter you want to un-kudos it But you can't :I
Normally I do too, but for me "the end" is "whatever's written up until that point". If I kudos it at 3/? and chapter 4's a stinker, well...
oogh i accidentally the button on a terrible, terrible fic i was reading for shiggles and it haunts me
i would be 80% less squicked by a/b/o if it weren't for the ass thing Spoiler: nsfw and probably a bit gross ass pregnancy is just the worst thing ive ever contemplated in my life. ass lubrication and ass pregnancy, as if the rectum did not already serve a specific bodily function, as if its function was compatible with giving birth make it xeno you fucking cowards..... Give Them An Extra Sex Organ
Spoiler: nsfw, a/b/o, poop mentions, why i like it that way honestly, i don't want to bother in putting the effort of including an extra organ for porn, the ass lubrication is convenient, i'm not interested in including a vagina just for realism in my porn, and it's easy for me to avoid thinking about the poop thing too hard is no one ever mentions it like, i know it exists but in porn, i only think that much about it when it's brought specifically to my attention otherwise, it's not a thing i care about at all
Spoiler: nsfw, unrelated to above posts for the love of god people, if you're writing fingering that's not supposed to be rough or violent or w/e don't fucking used 'jabbed' or similar words to describe it!!! makes me wince every time I read them; it sounds painful and that's not at all what you want for soft fingering in particular I read it in a fic where the fingerer was trying to do it slow and careful to avoid hurting the fingeree but the author used 'jabbed' to describe it and I'm just like. this is why you double-check your words in a search engine or something before you use them!! gah!!!! way to kill the goddamn mood
Spoiler: nsfw, related to above a/b/o discussion Just to make it worse? Anal hymens, especially ones misconceived as vaginal ones often are as covering the whole opening.
Spoiler: a/b/o nsfw My one first into writing a/b/o, I sidestepped the issue by avoiding orifice names at all. I get distracted by physiology that doesn't make sense, but in a short story I didn't want to slow down to define new terms, especially since pov character wade wilson is.... not a helper for a situation like that. 'Into me' versus 'into my ass', etc. It worked out easier than I'd been afraid of in the end. I was writing xeno in my visualization, but anyone who didn't want to worry about it past assholes could have read it that way. If I'm in the mood for a/b/o, lack of xeno isn't a dealbreaker for me, but I've definitely read some authors who like..... linger super hard on ASS this and ASSHOLE that and LOOK HOW WET HIS ASSHOLE IS GETTING READY FOR THESE ASSBABIES. I'm having trouble finding the right way to describe it, but like, I read a totally pg fic the other month that was about Unicron, as a goat, teaching a reluctant Starscream how to milk him. Totally pg, and I've read weirder things, but the rhythm of it and the way it lingered was unsettling, outside of what the story was about directly. I wish I could find a good way to describe the flavor of a/b/o that weirds me out :ppp Or, one that stuck with me, Sherlock/Watson, where Sherlock makes a point of telling Watson how many mL of ass lube he's produced the moment he drops his pants. It's the combination of 'that doesn't make sense' and 'aggghhh why are you making a point of lingering on this' where either one wouldn't be enough to knock me out of the story, but their interaction together leaves me uncomfortable.
Spoiler: nsfw a/b/o discussion a) Spock, why were you reading Unicron-goat-milking-fic, I have many questions but that is the one currently highest on my list on the moment. b) I vastly prefer xeno in my a/b/o, but it's easier for me to mentally go 'cloaca' every time authors insist on the Ass Is The Way To Go. Of course, this leads to other thought processes like 'why aren't we laying eggs instead' especially if it's already xeno to begin with, but I get the feeling that a lot of a/b/o authors have very shaky grasps of anatomy and do the handwavy because they don't actually know how pregnancy proceeds either. Actually, that's another one: along with the horrible That Is Not How Children Talk, there's also the That Is Not How Pregnancy Works that I run into very often. Sloppy heat fic is one thing, because lord knows I've read worse when the author's only writing with one hand, but loving descriptions of an extended pregnancy that get everything about pregnancy wrong is another.
Spoiler: nsfw, also robot goat milking WONK ;) (part four of the dairybots series!! :O ) (also, there's now a second chapter that's nsfw apparently, which was not the case when I first encountered it) As far as the whys go, you can blame one @coldstars for sending me a link, which I obviously read because??? yes????????? Also I shared the joy. Incidentally, the ensuing conversation was where "YOU KNOW SHE THRIVES ON THE CURSED CONTENT" comes from :') And honestly, I opened that fic expecting sentient robot goat-milking porn, and finding a sfw fic where Unicron gently coaches Starscream through how to milk him was probably the most effective punishment that could have happened. If that second chapter had been there, or if it had started with some obviously sexy premise, I would have gleefully liveblogged the experience. But nope, I flew too close to the sun and paid for it u_u
Spoiler “totally pg” “goat unicron” “teaching a reluctant starscream how to milk him” is not a combination of words and concepts i ever thought i would see i thought the homestuck fandom was weird but y’all out there on the frontier shine on you crazy diamonds
COLD C STARS THIS IS YOUR OWN FAULT!!!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER!!!!!!!!!!! you should have known better
