Yeah, that would be nice, wouldn't it. Doesn't happen for the vast majority of people, but it'd be nice if it did. This is rather unclear. 'If you're the type of person to buy a cake and then eat the whole thing yourself, then it's something to think about' - which part is something to think about, weight loss? Because when I was bulimic, I was that person, and the only - yes, the only - way to stop was to focus on happiness and emotional stability and try to forget about my weight. Because thinking about my weight was what was driving it. (And no, you don't have to have a diagnosable eating disorder for compulsive overeating to be entwined deeply with your state of mind, so don't say this is a different case because of my BN.) (N.B. Sometimes, when I was bulimic, I felt I should lose weight; other times, doctors felt I should lose weight, even though my weight itself wasn't causing any physical problems. And t all times, it was impossible for me to lose weight without first working very intensely on my mental health, and at no time was it actually physically important for me to lose weight.
Even if someone does just want to eat an entire cake for fun with no underlying issues, why is that your problem?
Huh! This is really, really interesting. (Wasn't in my psych degree, either.) Does this always happen, or can it go in other directions? I know there are people who lose weight when stressed, not just because it causes them to eat insufficiently (as opposed to people whose emotional stress response is to eat more) but because of the physiological effects of the stress itself. Is that a different kind of backfiring of the system?
Basically I'm in trouble because I keep mimicking bad influences. My pattern-recognition isn't tuned. I think when I get into trouble, the people I'm talking to are bad, because why else would reflecting them be received so negatively? The reflection thing is also why I'm so inconsistent. As for theory of mind, I still have trouble with thinking that just because I've told a person a thing, they then know the thing.
Honestly, from what I've seen, it's more like thinking that just because you told them a thing, they agree with the thing. I understand why that might be hard, because if your logic is enough to convince you, then it should convince them, right? The problem being that, well, not necessarily, and it's absolutely possible to understand someone's point but still disagree with it due to, say, a difference in values or past experiences.
Whether or not it is my problem really depends on context. Honestly, talking about weight doesn't come up much outside of dietary forums. If I could hold down a job, maybe I could observe a coworker regularly eating 700-cal lunches and still wonder if I should broach the subject. In the context of "you can have a problem without a diagnosis" I'm going to try to say "disordered eating" instead of "eating disorder." I would consider eating entire cakes to be a little bit disordered, but the severity does depend on how often that happens and how intentional it was. When I drink an entire liter of rum in a night, it makes me wish that I could get my shit together enough to reset my tolerance. The actual overconsumption is what needs to be thought about, separate from the results of it.
... I'm not sure what you exactly mean there, but just in case: 700 calories is just about what you're usually supposed to eat for each meal if you have three a day.
When would someone else eating an entire cake ever be your problem? Unless it was like, your cake or something? Also 700 calories is a completely normal amount of calories to take in for lunch. Even some calorie-restrictive diets recommend that you eat at least 1 big meal a day.
it is not your business how much cake someone eats, greallan, unless the specific cake was made specifically for you.
Again, it's something that I would have to think about even mentioning. Or is approaching anyone about self-destructive behaviors just not done because it's rude? I wish I could say that 700 was a typo of 1700, but I keep forgetting what a normal amount of food looks like. (Looks) Yeah, 700 is fine for most people, but I couldn't comfortably do that more than twice a day.
No. It's typically not done. Exceptions may occur if they asked for your help, you're responsible for them (as in, they're your child), or their self-destructive habits are affecting your life, but even then those aren't absolutes. And eating isn't necessarily self-destructive, which has come up COUNTLESS times in-thread already, and it's easy for you to do more damage than you could possibly be preventing with those tactics. For example, I'm trying to lose weight while also fighting the constant urge to binge, and also fighting very hard not to slip into restrictive disordered eating patterns, which is hard for me. I've come in over 2100 calories across three meals a day for the last week while I was traveling, which I know objectively is FINE, but I have to work hard to convince myself that's okay, and casual outside judgment from a stranger without even a fraction of the whole picture? Not helping, making me feel pretty awful about the groceries I just bought, true story.
It's the "anyone" part that's the easiest problem you understand. You don't know this person, or at least not well enough to guarantee the help you're trying to provide is actually needed, useful, and okay to give without prompting - so, basically, unless you're close friends and you know they'd be okay with it, don't.
it likely has, but she still thinks sharing her unsolicited opinion is absolutely integral because that's what she wants to do and that's all she needs to justify it
For a co-worker. It's absolutely rude. Because you don't know them. You don't know if it's a self destructive behavior. You don't know their life. You don't know what their doctors have told them to do. You do not know. It's none of your business and so you shouldn't even ask, much less lecture them. The only times I think it would be acceptable for you, a lay person to mention something about someone's food habits: 1) your SO who has let you know that they want help and advice on this 2) your very good friend who has asked you to help on this. 3) maybe children in your care, but you should probably talk to a therapist type on the best way to approach it. Notice how acquaintances, coworkers, and strangers are absolutely no where on that list
As a co-worker at lunch, you have no idea what their other meals look like, what short-term health issues they have, what long-term health issues they have, what mental health issues they have, any dietary restrictions they're working with, how much they exercised that day, and what the rest of their week/month/life looks like on the average. There is no way, as a co-worker, you have much of that information at all. Hell, you have no idea if they're ALREADY dealing with disordered eating, just not the kind you think. You have no way of knowing whether that co-worker isn't already bulimic and you're just feeding into that existing problem by commenting on their habits.
Did I not already go off on you for trying to convince me of a position I already hold? Most of the people I talk to about this are in dietary forums, as in advertising that they want to hear this stuff. Theoretically, the best context I can think of for approaching someone about their diet is if they're doing it wrong and driving me bat-shit with their complaints about how hard and ineffective it is. Y'know what? Fuck it. No matter what I say, you're just going to keep hounding me about points that are completely irrelevant to what I'm saying just because I have one little bit of opinion that you do not like.
