I just need to vent for a little bit here because wow my family just doesn't Get It. Let me pull out an example for y'all. Maybe two or three weeks ago we were in the living room doing laundry and my mom realized my little brother needed to be picked up from boy scouts in half an hour and asked me and my younger sister to put away the laundry for her- we didn't even have to get it in drawers, just out of the living room. I felt a mounting sense of panic as I looked at the laundry covering the couch, in people's hampers, on the coffee table, almost all of which was folded and ready with the exception of maybe two baskets. I glanced around the room frantically and finally blurted out (maybe half a second later, no matter how long it felt) "But how?!" I could feel the disappointment oozing off of my mom, but the thing was my brain literally couldn't figure out how to accomplish that task. It was just like, there is the laundry. There is a lot of it. It needs to be gone. Of course it just skipped the steps in the middle though, because my executive function likes to take a vacation at random cruel intervals. Even though she knows I'm ADHD and have a hard time with these things, my mom's terrible at like, understanding? There's a difference between knowing and understanding and hoo boy do I feel that there. She's trying her hardest to be supportive and helpful but... She keeps offering advice like "You just need to self-motivate!" and "Just try and break it down into smaller tasks so it's easier!" and "You just have to do these things, not getting up to eat/go to the bathroom/do your laundry isn't healthy". And I'm like, okay, only one of those things is doable and easy and it works best when I plan it out IN ADVANCE, and the worst part is I know she's got literally only the best intentions, even though it hurts being berated for laziness when my brain literally wouldn't cooperate to do the thing. It's even worse when the thing is something I promised to do or know I needed to do and half of the reason I'm getting chewed out is because she's worried that I didn't eat lunch and had dinner at nine o'clock when I've had a history of losing weight on accident partially due to my ADHD medication. The rest of my family is even worse on understanding the thing, because they offer platitudes like "Everyone has their own obstacles" and "You can't let your disorder define you" and I'm just like ugh.
That sounds really frustrating. Im sorry. I wonder if anyone here, or your dr or someone, could find a list of 'ways to help deal with executive dysfunction' to give her so she can feel like shes helping when these situations come up without "helping".
I do have a med check coming up in a few weeks, so I could ask then. Alternatively, I did just start college (which is a whole 'nother kettle of fish, but I'm not living at home anymore so some of this has improved) so I do have access to the campus counselors and I could ask them for a list, because to be honest even though I've been coping with this for 6 years now it feels like it's still way too uphill for me. Only problem with the counseling center is that it's phone-in only if you want an appointment, which ugh phone calls. It'd probably be worth it anyway. Also, I've been finding the advice of almost-anonymous people on the internet to be extremely helpful too. It's just nice to have an outlet too, and even better knowing that someone cares a little bit.
I always wonder WTF is up with mental health resources requiring phone calls when those are incredibly difficult for a lot of people.
Update for anyone interested: I have an appointment with my school's counseling services for next Tuesday but executive dysfunction still has me by the ear. Hopefully they actually have advice and not, like, "have you considered trying to do the thing."
Funny story (semi-related), the first time I met one of my current counsellors here where I live now (they help me with planning and stuff) that was basically her suggestion when I said executive dysfunction :P She's improved, but I was quite annoyed with her after that first meeting. In any case, I hope everything goes well :)
