I've always been baffled by how some members of my family will express anger and frustration with an object when the object isn't doing what they want. (Fussing at a computer for not running fast enough, for example.) The other day I was talking to my mom about it, and she said she supposes that it has something to do with her feeling that it's wrong to be angry with or express anger at a person, because they have feelings and you might hurt them, that kind of thing. She doesn't have that feeling with objects, so she freely gets angry and shows her anger if an object is upsetting her. I, on the other hand, don't see any point in getting angry at things. They're not choosing to do whatever it is that's frustrating me, they can't help it, that's just how they are. So I don't get upset when a door sticks or a computer can't run a program. But I do get angry with people, because they have the ability to do something other than whatever it is that's annoying me, but they won't. (I know that people usually have reasons for what they do, but sometimes the reason isn't evident or I think it's not a good reason, and that's when I get angry.) I only polled two other family members, and they both took my view. My guess is that only four out of the nine of us get angry with things, while everyone gets angry with people (but doesn't necessarily want to express their anger). Anyway, now I'm curious about what other people think. What you get angry at, and whether you feel comfortable expressing anger at one category but not the other, that sort of thing.
I think for me the difference is that ill /bitch/ at an object but not really get angry, while ill get angry with people but not bitch at them. So objects its like "blargh youre not doing what i want fucking do the thing *grumble grumble*", while people its this whole process of "they did the thing=>feel pain=>feel anger=>process anger=>figure out how to communicate about the thing to fix it without hurting the other person any more than i can help=>calm discussion." Objects annoy me sometimes but dont cause pain.
I mostly only get angry at people, but since my spirituality includes a kind of animism, I've noticed I can also get somewhat angry at things, roughly correlating with how much communication/anthropomorphism is going on... it's a lot easier to get mad at my truck, with its name and it's obvious personality quirks, that it is to get mad at the compost bin. Somewhat related - if you listen closely when I'm cursing at an object, I'm usually mad at whoever designed or assembled the thing in such a way that it's not working as expected.
things because, well, if you want to get deep here, I am generally just angry with myself for not being better at operating the thing I am seldom angry at people, because I tend to see it as, if someone does something that surprises and upsets me, a. they are still the person they were before they did that thing, so it doesn't make sense for me to be angry at them for doing what they are programmed to do, and b. it is my own problem that I dod not see that this person had the potential to do this-so it's the fault of my poor planning.
I'm kind of confused by the idea that you can choose what you get angry at. Choosing whether or not you express that anger, I can understand, but I feel angry at both people and objects because both people and objects can do things that make me feel angry.
Query: Those of you who don't get angry at objects, do you personify anything (such as a computer) and if so, do you ever get angry at them?
I cant choose what to feel anger at. It just tends not to be a thing that happens to me with objects, though i might be making a distinction between irritation and anger that others arent here. Feelings sure are complicated! *laugh track over muffled sobbinng*
I cant choose what i feel? Im honestly a little confused about where the whole idea of choosing is coming from. Like. Its just a thing that happens or doesnt, and i kind of have to roll with it from there.
I don't think I do. I've named a few important objects, but I don't really think of them as people or talk to them and honestly, sometimes I forget their names. The only one I'm sure about right now is that a few years ago I named my typewriter Prince Charming as a joke. On the subject of choosing, talking about why I do or don't get angry is me trying to figure out how my brain works, not me reproducing a train of thought in a frustrating situation, if that makes sense. (I mean, I don't stand in front of a malfunctioning object and think "This thing cannot help its current state, therefore I will not be angry with it." I just don't get angry unless there's a person involved.)
Would you say that you get angry at people's intent, and not their actions, therefore don't get angry at objects which can't intend to do anything? When you are angry at people, is it at people who mean to hurt you and not people who (you know) are accidentally hurting you?
I think it's actions rather than intent. With a few rare exceptions, anger at people happens when I'm trying to do something and they're preventing me, or when they've promised to do something for me and then don't. The second could be a subset of the first, actually, because I mostly only ask people to do things for me when they're things I need to get done but can't. (E.g. need to come home from work but don't have a car, need to make dinner but also need to finish project.) I think intent also doesn't matter to me when I've been hurt. I can remember clearly being angry at someone who hurt me accidentally, anyway. Ah, I think I've pinpointed one thing that makes people more frustrating for me than things. I'm not particularly mechanically-minded, but with a malfunctioning object I can at least look at it and try to figure out what's wrong and what buttons I have to push/pipes I need to unclog/batteries I need to replace to restore it to working order. People are harder to deal with because I can't see inside their heads and figure out what cocktail of emotions and reasoning is making them act the way they are, and even if I think I know what's going on, making it stop isn't nearly as easy as replacing a battery.
That does make sense! So you get frustrated when there isn't a clear solution to the thing that's making you angry?
I hadn't thought of it like that, but that makes sense, yeah. With objects my options are "thing can be fixed" or "thing can't be fixed". With people, there are way too many options, and it sort of feels like slamming my head into a brick wall every time I try a "fix" and it doesn't work.
Both. Though some of my frustration with things is mixed with anger at myself for not being able to fix or work with the thing in question. I get legit crying because I am so pissed and I feel awful mad with things more than with people. People I can deal with. People the anger tends to be easier to curb or easier to use righteously. But things? Things are awful. They do not talk.
