Kitchen And Craft Wix Corner (Exciteable Bird, Enter At Own Risk)

if you ever questioned my impulse control consider that 99% of my impulse control goes to not randomly contorting myself into a weird pretzel because the intelligent part of me knows I could get stuck or hurt myself, but the dumb idiot part of me wants to try just to see if I could

 

-clears throat, raises megaphone-
THIS IS YOUR REMINDER THAT DESHYR VARRIC TETHRAS WRITES FRIENDFIC AND PUBLISHES IT AS NOVELS, THAT HE AT ONE POINT WROTE A WEIRD ROMANCE BETWEEN THINLY VEILED FIC VERSIONS OF DONNIC HENDYR AND MARIAN HAWKE ONCE, AND ALSO MADE HIS FRIEND AVELINE VALLEN THE HEROINE IN HIS ROMANCE SERIAL WITH APPARENTLY NOT A SINGLE OUNCE OF SHAME ABOUT IT BESIDES THE FACT THAT SWORDS&SHIELDS DOESN'T SELL WELL.

 

this is also a reminder that varric tethras is really shit at describing ships which is hilarious
that he wrote a loving supporting character port of Merrill (whom he calls Daisy), called maisy who is a heraldics nerd. I can't believe Varric is this bad at naming his friends' expies.
and that Hard in Hightown is an amazing read and I recommend it A LOT.

 

apropos of nothing much
You know DA:O really threw around honor titles and noble bullshit and stuff liek it's going out of style and a lot of the fandom actually forgets that which is a damn shame because frankly there's nothing so hysterically funny as Morrigan's DA:O Resting Dead Eyed Face when Arl Eamon is like "I DECLARE YOU AND EVERYONE TRAVELLING WITH YOU CHAMPIONS OF REDCLIFFE". Because you know this bitch will never ever live that down. You just know when she swans into Skyhold in DA:I Leliana and/or Alistair will be RIGHT THERE going ":))))))))) champion" at eachother and her, specifically especially if it's in earshot of Hawke for added hilarity while Morrigan is just "can't you please just let me forget I was a good person a single time in my life while drunk, for fuck's sake"
Also what's that tiny bit of orlais you can literally win in a duel via wartable missions bc I'm pretty sure that Brejan got that and it wasn't mentioned as one of the things taken back in Trespasser so like.... she orlesian nobility now.
fake edit: ahahaha a sadness. She's not, the letter you get from the second part of the Dance With The Dowager wartable missions specifically states it is only in the Inquisitor's possession until the Inquisition is dissolved.
Still, Brejan was the Baroness of the Ylenn Basin for several years by decree of the Council of Heralds which is just....
frankly I'd be surprised if Celene hasn't asked the council to grant it to her and her husbands permanently for the Templar retreat maybe? She also championed Celene and Chevin reconciling so Celene really owes her a lot.

 

Also when you first intervene in the Ylenn Basin's fuckery you get this absolutely hilarious letter


To the leadership of the Inquisition,

It comes as a great shock to me that the organization that claims to be defending us from the Breachholds an interest in walnut farming. Perhaps you intend to throw unshelled nuts into the sky to repel demons? Truly, such matters are beyond my expertise.

If you have a legitimate claim to Ylenn, I should like to hear of it.

Comte Marius de Poisson


and I love that The Grand Game encourages such petty bullshit

 

GOD BLESS THIS MEANS THAT SIONED IS STILL A BARONESS THO

poor cullen can't help marrying into nobility no matter how hard he tries, people keep giving these elves titles for some reason

 

Cullen: I hate nobility, I'm a simple farmer's boy--
Mage-Warden: :)))))
Inquisitor: :))))))))))))))
his fucking bastard son: :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Cullen: why

 

MARIUS OF FISH
I DON'T THINK HE GETS AN OPINION ON WALNUTS

 

LISTEN MARIUS OF FISH IS VALID AND HE CAN THROW WALNUTS AT DEMONS AS MUCH AS HE WANTS.
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED MAYBE DEMONS HAVE NUT ALLERGIES.
HUH.

 

The joke is btw that the place you get is described as follows by the Dowager:
South of the Imperial Highway, between Verchiel and Montsimmard, it is the Ylenn Basin. It is a beautiful place of walnut groves, hollyhocks, and fifth-rate meaderies that recently lost its lord to the civil war. On the western edge of Ylenn, the hopeful young Comte de Poisson stands, lining up his little toy soldiers for quick and quiet invasion. Surely you would not leave the poor boy without a dance partner?

 

Anyways walnuts (both leafs as tea and the nuts) and hollyhock are both excellent at dealing with inflamation and cramping as well as general weakness so frankly I'm considering it canon that Brejan at least TRIED to keep the Basin to run Cullen's Templar Rescue there.
Plus the plants just have such a meditative peaceful aura to them.


Also it's literally on the edge of the Dales, like JUST north-west-ish of the Exalted Plains and there's a bit of deliberate defiance in having parts of the Dales ruled by elves again >:P
ALSO. Ryol would probably like it there even if he'd never admit it. Because he grew up a few miles east of there, and was in Montsimmard's circle for ages.

 

I just.... found a note in my phone from like 5am that says nothing but "DA Magic Weak Nuclear Force Manip!!! Chronomancy bc T-Symmetry!" and I have no idea what my sleep deprived brain was on
Why was I thinking about physics at 5am

 

.... i THINK it's bc i watched this video probably

 

consider yourself called out

 

I can't believe you'd come to my house on this, the night of my daughter's wedding--

 

Sssssssso

Spoiler: long, on a lore kick about parallels between elven culture and alamarri culture again

from here

from here

here

here, Hafter was Dane's son and heir.

here
Given what we know of Werewolves in Ferelden through the relevant DA:O Quest, it is entirely possible the "rare white hart" in this instance is a poetic description/metaphor for Keeper Zathrian's daughter. Or, you know. Ghilan'nain, the Mother of Halla, whose dedicated statue seems to more often than not depict a white hart instead of a proper Halla. Of course Ghilan'nain's legend is a little different but then she was a woman still back then and not a Halla. Given Flemeth's appearance in some versions and the themes of Justice and Vengeance in Dane and the Werewolf (and the Werewolf centered DA:O quest) I'd not be surprised to hear there's an elven version and a human version of this myth ending more or less in the same place. There only wrench thrown into this would be the Dales having been sacked like almost a century before Flemeth was even born but frankly if we consider "Flemeth" to just be a stand-in for any instance of Mythal meddling in human affairs in some sort of way after the Clayne/Fereldan People broke away from explicitly acknowledging The Lady Of The Sky (this is always assuming The Lady and Mythal are the same entity but you know, I consider it pretty likely), which especially if we take this to take place sssssort of between the Fall Of Arlathan and the Founding Of the Dales makes things actually fit together rather nicely.
This means that the Emerald Knights' Guardians and the Mabari come from the same base assumption that "wolf good protector, will help with Justice", which is explicitly tied to a Mythal like idea of Violent Retributional Justice, which of course makes sense if you consider that Mythal and Fen'Harel (aka Thedas' biggest mcfreakin furry boy) likely had a very intimate relationship, and that we see wolf statues near and around Mythal's temple.
So basically all Mabari are slobbering tributes to Fen'Harel, thank you for coming to my ted talk

slightly off topic WOW how have i never heard of THIS before???? Apparently the godhood was passed onto Morrigan? which godhood???? Mythal? The essence of Urthemiel???? Does this mean I get to see more of Chasind Swamp Trash Wife?

 

*refers to Mewtwo as a "Maladapted Twink Gremlin"*
DM me ur location if you want to disagree, nintendo

 

MEWTWO IS A TWUNK

CHANGE MY MIND

he just took 'never skip leg day' too much to heart

 

You know. That's fair.

 

all of these is OCs

• meadow grass, dew, oiled leather, ale, the scent of silver rings worn for hours on end, old cold and stale blood.
• old books, rain, violet scented soap, spicy food. Fire seared meat, wool, bog peat, metal. The stale air of crypts.
• Frost in the morning. roses, lavender, lilac, wine, honey. clean sweat, That special way summer-sun dried hair smells. old books and fresh ink, and ancient bones.
• The cold and crisp and salty air of the coast. warmed bedsheets, sweat, hard soap. metal tools, leather gloves, armor polish. candles, incense.