They've silenced me again and won't give specifics. afaict, I haven't done anything wrong in post: 841091,
If that post was wiggled it is impossible for anyone but mods to see it. I don't know what you are looking for here.
If you were truly silenced, this thread wouldn't have been approved. Granted, postmod sucks, and you ARE being scrutinized and censored. And I tentatively agree that some mods tend to jump your shit harder than they might another user, And the mods are not wholly impartial and unbiased parties but they literally have to Wade through all your stuff and make choices about it. They could opt to completely censor you. But they aren't.
If you have questions, feel free to ask them in the wiggler threads. You've been chewing me out for posting in the wiggler threads at all lately, so I mean. I don't know what will make you happy short of blanket post approval, which isn't happening. The amount of mod criticizing getting approved for public posting should be a pretty solid sign that you aren't being totally silenced, there are real reasons for posts being wiggled.
This thread existing is the least-silenced thing I have seen on this forum. Can you please clarify how are you defining "silenced" when you make these accusations, since it has come up before and the same counter-argument is always made: to the rest of us, silenced means "not allowed to speak, at all, period" and you are actively posting, therefore you have not been not allowed to speak.
I quickly went and added up the number of replies you have in wiggled threads, not counting the threads with only one reply. You have 308 responses from mods in the wriggler. None of them have seemed to help and have just gotten us yelled at. I'm not fucking doing it anymore.
"I'm sorry I was a good person who was trying to help you" is never okay. It doesn't matter how exactly you say it. If your "apology" itself casts your actions positively as good things you were doing that the person should be grateful for, you are being abusive. I've told you that before. That you didn't remember it and apply it to this specific post before submitting it is not my problem. You have already been told. It is a waste of our time and effort to keep telling you exactly the same things over and over.
They're jumping on my shit way harder. As in other people are allowed to do things that I'm not. Last time I bothered to report something, it was "they're not doing anything wrong" yet I get wiggled for the same thing. This post in particular, I asked and the mods just got nasty with me. Another thing got wiggled for racism when I was wording my takeaway message from the one thread, it was clearly marked as such, and wasn't even racist if they had bothered to read every word of the sentence. Unless the proper takeaway message was "acknowledging that race exist is a bad thing to do." Also, a lot of things that get wiggled are attempts to defend myself in conversations, and often I don't notice until the conversation is days or pages back. Without explanations attached to many of them, it looks like I'm not allowed to defend myself against misunderstandings. Alright, I'll refuse to apologize for hurts if they were caused by the other person misunderstanding the best intentions. I notice that @Etansel didn't apologize for triggering a bad repressed memory with the drag-queen business.
You: i demand that you do this thing. Me: no I'm not going to do that. Yeah, super nasty of me. How dare I say "no" to you?
stop dragging them into things please, they've asked you a number of times to stop doing that. Iirc I helped you debug bad apologies once before already. "I'm sorry I caused you harm" is what you should go for, not a passive aggressive "sorry you got hurt by me trying to help you."
Considering how often you keep saying that you just want to learn about racism, it's pretty fascinating how hard you insist that you actually know better than the people who try to contradict you. Mods: this is racist You: NUH UH All while you get angry at us for trying to explain in the first place. As a bonus, featuring new and exciting insults to our reading comprehension skills. Anyways, your life would probably be a lot easier if you stopped packaging apologies/concessions with attacks to punish the person for making you apologize/concede a point in the first place. 'I apologize, even though it was totally your own fault you were hurt', ' I guess you were right, even though you're treating me horribly for no reason'. Your life will genuinely be easier and more pleasant (for you) if you stop making hitting back such a driving priority.
That isn't what I said, and it is not what was asked of you. Several people have explained, clearly and simply, how to apologize in such situations without being a jerk. You have chosen to ignore them. You say "caused by the other person misunderstanding the best intentions". That is not the problem. The problem is "you doing bad things because you think good intentions are enough." The saying "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions" is directly on point. You hurt people but claim good intentions. It doesn't matter that you have good intentions. What matters is that you hurt people, you are told that you are hurting people, and you keep doing it anyway. More generally: Whatever anyone says, you edit until it suits your needs. This makes communication impossible. You are too focused on defending yourself, and proving to yourself that it's all other people's fault. No one else can make that better.
Alright, I think I asked for a breakdown of how it was racist, and it finally took Kathy looking and realizing that it was hard to read, not racist.
This response is also very hard to read, so congrats. You also received ADDITIONAL reasons for why that post was in the wiggler, which have been conveniently forgotten, I guess. And as a rule of thumb, it's a bad idea to speak for other people in a conversation like this, especially when you're speaking for them based on things they said to you privately.
I told you how, combined with your previous statements and historical context, it would be nigh impossible to distinguish from racism if you hadn't broken down your thought processes for me. I also said that it still looked racist. I also gave you alternate wording to try using to convey your actual feelings instead.
To clarify a point: We are not wiggling posts because we think the person making them is an evil bigot who does not deserve to be cared about or loved. We are wiggling posts because they will predictably cause harm and drama. For instance, posts that contain statements that would be reasonably understood to be bigoted by an onlooker. Some of the posts I write get vetoed by the mods. That's not because the mods think I'm an evil person. It's because they think that the way I phrased a thing will hurt people. I have the mods vet my posts before posting, because I do not want to hurt people. I don't spend my time trying to justify my posts or opinions to the mods. I don't need to. What I need to do is fix my writing so that people will not be hurt by it as much. The mods don't think I'm actually a power-mad dictator who loves to threaten people. They do, however, note that I often don't perceive possible threats in what I write, so they catch those for me. To understand this, you must try to care about other people. Not in the sense of "i'm worthless nothing i want matters i need to sacrifice everything for other people", which is stupid, but actually thinking about them.
Obviously something got lost in translation. Did you try explaining it without saying something that I need to defend against? The message I'm getting right now is that being concerned about the feelings of other people or trying to anticipate their desires to offer options is hurtful to them. What I've been hearing is that I shouldn't tell other people when they hurt me because doing so would hurt them.
The message you are getting from a lot of different angles is that you are extremely bad at taking criticism of any kind. You feel hurt, try to discharge all blame/responsibility, and do your best to hit back. This is an understandable reaction, but not a constructive one, especially when you claim you want to learn about social issues. Unfortunately, it's pretty impossible to tell you that you're bad at taking criticism, because you're going to read this and get upset, blame me for not handling things more gently, turn it around so that I'm demanding unreasonable/impossible things from you, and probably criticize all my past attempts at explanations. This is a cycle that sucks for me you both, but you're the only one who can actually break it.
