There's that splitting again. I believe you, that you very much do feel that way, that this explanation is very real and very intense and unpleasant for you, and I sympathize. It sucks monkey ass. However, what you are perceiving and what is actually happening is not the same. Your thinking and processing is completely distorted. This is distressing for everyone involved. We're doing our best to help, but if we can't meet your needs, you must consider seeking help somewhere else. That doesn't mean taking a permanent leave, but I would suggest coming back when you've found some irl consulting and support.
Leaving someone alone is making them treat u worse that's interesting it's real interesting how "don't talk to us" is abuse and not a boundary this rly makes a lot of things click for me if u think boundaries are "requests" and/or literal abuse The whole "having to poke them" thing like it's an obligation boy howdy if that doesn't seem like a lot of ur problem right there U kno who the person u can talk to is A shrink No one has suggested this before right I'm sure this idea is life changing
Okay so when I said "don't ping me for at least a day", athol. That meant "do not ping me for at least a day." You have literally never used the rating system on any of my other posts to you before, even in situations where a "useful" or "informative" would provide some context that you were listening and taking note of what I was saying. The first time you use it is on the post where I request that you don't ping me, and I know you know that ratings send pings. Not cool. Don't do that.
Yeah that's pretty much how I feel. :( I really want to help, but it's very hard when we both seem to be hearing different things from what we both think we're saying. (I haven't read the posts between this and now, and I gotta get back to work) Edit: Oh shit, sorry about the ping, Kathy
People often get banned from places. I've been banned from places! Most of the time, the person who was banned doesn't get to sort things out with the people who banned them, no matter how much they may not understand the reasons or disagree with those reasons. They just have to move on. The fact that you're not moving on is a you problem, not a PPC problem. Eight years ago, I had a conflict with the admin of a forum where I spent a lot of time. She bullied me over the course of several months, then eventually banned me without giving a reason. I was pissed. But even in that case, I wasn't still being bullied afterwards. I just had to deal with it on my own and find a way to move on.
Athol, would you like a just-us thread (I'm guessing the forum supports that), where we can talk out some of this stuff? Not the specifics with PPC (I don't even know what it is, and probably best I don't), just some strategies for avoiding unintended conflict, and ways to do so without feeling like you're carving off pieces of yourself to do it. I'm neutral in all of this; I'm not on anyone's side (not will I take sides) and I'm not out to validate or invalidate anyone's positions or feelings on specific issues. However, I've got your back, I know *some* of the patterns at play here, my only motivation is to help you reduce the distress you keep finding yourself in, and I'm not at all frustrated with or annoyed with you in any way. If you want to PM, PM. If you'd like a thread that others can see for the sake of transparency, that's fine too. It just seems that a lot of people have developed a personal stake in some of this, and there's a lot of perceived hostility flying around; I think a venue without that might work better. Or not. It's all good :)
There's an older hurt that I left alone with the college education. Now I can't face how I forgot how to use the software involved in doing 3D animation and I'm still not healed. How many decades does it take? I've made more progress on the PPC thing even though it was worse. Heck, in the dog metaphor, it would have been euthanized by now. People think that I'm too arrogant when I want basic human rights like being listened to. What is the middle ground between that and not feeling like I deserve it?
1) get a therapist. That's literally what they're for. Get some professional to help you deal with it because clinging to it does not help you 1.5) The dog getting euthanized because someone was deliberately antagonizing it does not make the dog the villain of the story. In fact it makes the aggressor look even worse. 2) you are being listened to though. People not reacting how you want them to react is not the same as not being listened to, and you have to learn now to distinguish the two or communication won't become any easier for you.
Other Person: I think cats are great. Athol: You're right, dogs are horrible. Any time you do this, you are being rude. It's really annoying, and it is always a bad thing. Imagine that someone says "You should not have made that hurtful remark." Bad: "You're right, I should just let people attack me and suffer because I'm not human and what happens to me doesn't matter." Okay: "I felt it was important. I was hurt, and I believe strongly in retaliating when people hurt me." The latter is still sort of a jerk thing, and if you're like that, a lot of people will decide to avoid you, because that doesn't work out well. But it's not passive-aggressive abuser bullshit, while the first one is.
I'm the dog, then. People have been told how to stop antagonizing me and they keep doing it and complain, even the PPC ignored me and kept poking me. But yes, I need to accept that people aren't going to react the way I want them to. Look, this will get the thread flooded with sarcastic images... Hey, I find image-reactions particularly upsetting. Could you knock it off?
a boundary like that is very straightforward and people who aren't jerks generally will follow that request! ...although it does bring to mind how you keep talking about interactions with someone explicitly against their wishes, and you have not stopped or apolgized as far as i can tell...
No you're not the dog. You're the person with the stick. You keep pinging people who've told you not to ping them, you kept coming back to a different site after you were banned. You're holding the stick. You have been holding the stick for a good long while and any attempt to remove the stick from you has been met with resistance. You were banned. As far the PPC was concerned, that was the end of it until you came back, something you did out of your own volition. At this point, it very much reads like any sort of disagreement or crit of your behaviour or words will be considered 'antagonizing' and that's not how that works and you need to work on how to handle that. That's entirely a you problem.
That's a completely reasonable request, and a completely reasonable way to ask. Anyone not honouring that (in this thread) would be acting in a quite dickish fashion. (outside of this thread, people might not know/remember/care, of course)
You can't just flip an analogy because someone decided the wrong party was correct, this isn't how language WORKS. it's been a long time since this came up, but for the love of god, please, you are NOT GOOD at analogies. Every. Time. It confuses the conversation. And the main point, popping back in because i assume the image thing is at least a little directed at me, and... Hmm. I'm considering it, but I categorically refuse to promise you anything. Aggressively lying about our private interactions has been pretty upsetting to ME, and reaction images bring me joy. And also you are NOT GOOD at correctly interpreting people's words. If I'm not allowed to use pictures and you don't process my words (and almost always misrepresent them) my only option is silence. Which is when you yell at me for not communicating enough. I haven't used many images. This is a very reasonable request from you, except there's the existing context of how you are making any kind of communication OR noncommunication from me as painful as possible. While frequently talking ABOUT me. I'm not going to make a point of using reaction images to annoy you, but I'm also not going to promise to stop. Zote's face is real fucking #relatable, and I stand by that decision. You don't like my words, you don't like my not-words, you're officially boxing me into a no-win scenario, so I'm not going to stress myself out over meeting impossible conditions.
How dare you comply with my request? I call for a ban! Honestly, this isn't directed at you from me, I'm channeling the PPC and what spawned the ban vote. They removed a lot of it, but they spent a lot of the summer screaming at me to get permission and completely ignoring why I was having trouble. I admit that I didn't feel like I could say "FUCKING FINALLY YOU"VE BEEN IGNORING ME ALL SUMMER" I said something like "A lot of trouble could have been avoided if I had known that back in June" and no one fucking got the hint. They were going to let me back. The ban would have been much shorter if I hadn't volunteered to leave for a while. I was a horrible person for trying to appease them. I should have screamed and been nasty the entire time instead of trying to be nice. Neshomeh said that everything would have been fine if I had just waited a couple more months. I could have yelled at them about punishing me for doing what they told me to do and no one would have batted an eye. I could have even believed "I'm not racist!" at that point.
