Reporting the mods

ok so, what would help you to feel like people are listening to you?

 

Pretty sure I said this before as just a general guideline... making sure we're on the same page. If I'm talking about JKL and people start going off about P,O, M, or even Q for some bizzare reason, or even K in isolation... screwit...

I know you hate metaphors, and I cocked up the explanation anyway, but I found this humorus Venn Diagram.

https://goo.gl/images/p4SBVo Dammit, how are people getting the image tag to work? I give up.

Even something as simple as translating back what you thought I said, or the extended conclusions would help.

(I think people have the idea that I think people with AIDS are immoral. I gave my estimate about who I think is the largest group of HIV positive today.) Did anyone even see that?

I'll try to work on saying so when I disagree with something, and why. That would also help.

 

Hey athol :)

You got it back rather hard, but that's the perception people seem to be getting.

What your post *sounded like to others* - partially because of history, partially because of tone and nuance - was that you'd seized on seebs' treat-people-like-humans post, and tried to use it as permission to order people around, or even as a weapon.

I get that you were probably feeling dogpiled-on and besieged by people's responses, and that a bit of vindication there likely helped you get back up and ask for some specific things - but I think you came on a bit strong with it, and that spooked people.

After all, a malicious person could take "it's not okay to make people feel like trash", add the statement "I feel like trash when people don't give me money", and spin that into "haha, you all need to give me your credit card numbers right now!"

... it obviously doesn't work that way, but I think a lot of people thought your post felt like a demand, and recoiled from it.

A much softer approach of asking for the same things would very likely have hit no resistance at all. (See your request for no image reacts above)

So, softly does it - how can we make things easier for you?

And as a reminder - people are still allowed to be angry or hurt. Remembering the human behind the name doesn't mean just rolling over - it just means realising that they have feelings too, and aren't just malware.

And yes, that means that *you* are also allowed to get angry or hurt, and to have your own boundaries - but the best way to debug your interactions with people is to try and keep those feelings dialled back while you get the hang of this.

 

Oh, the other thing that I forgot about wiggling. If I make a long post where I set boundaries, and then it gets wiggled and I don't notice until people have kept pushing me to the point of rage... All because I used the dog-whistle for the hexadactyla extermination plan or something and the mods got tired of explaining...

How about this, if there's just one line that can be edited out to make it acceptable, go ahead and do it if it's easier than trying to explain. One of the wiggled posts just got "Gaslighting" as the reason, which I could almost-reasonably think meant it was for the purposes of gaslighting away a boundary-setting to drive me nuts because I could figure out WTF was wrong with it in the first place, it wouldn't have been there.

 

I think I asked you to stop interacting with me as a mod would.

The "talking shit" was because they wouldn't respond to something in particular that would have made a world of difference. At this point, I don't care that it was probably 100% the mods fault.

Might as well post the contents of the report. I probably should have put a note of no confidentiality expected.

 

it took the help of several other people and at least an hour to parse what you were saying here

which has been a continuing issue- trying to communicate with you is a lot of work, and it usually ends up with you yelling at people who were legit trying to help

honestly, I'm not sure there's a way to help you until you stop drinking, and from what I've read you're going to need professional medical help with that

 

What did you have a problem with? The stuff that's crossed-out was kinda left as a puzzle, but the other stuff seems pretty clear.

The reason I yell at people is that a lot of people tend to snark and rile me up before someone actually does try to come in to help, and by that point they have to overcorrect to not sound like they're just being nasty.

Am I the only one who's seeing that Spockette is being particularly vitriolic?

 

Is this your way of remembering Spock's gender?

 

I'd have to agree on that one - I'd rate Spock's tone as kind-of-annoyed, kind-of-done.

There's definitely a tone-translation barrier between you and others - everything you say tends to sound hostile and demanding to others, and everything others say seems to sound hostile and demanding to you.

It's like turkeys and peacocks - I've heard that you can't keep them together because they *absolutely will* kill each other. Not because they hate each other, but because one species' submission signal is the other's challenge signal, and vice versa. As soon as a minor squabble starts, it escalates until one of them is dead.

I don't know if it's actually true, but it's a useful metaphor. (See also the Hungarian Phrasebook Sketch...)

So it's not surprising that people get angry on both sides.

Work with me here - how do *you* think we can help you re-calibrate your read on other people's tone, and the tone you project?

 

spock is spock, the spockettes are her many spockpuppets

 

tag urself i'm one of the flowers