I said it first. And it's also a thing that needed to be said. She was not saying that nobody should engage with athol but that engaging her as if the abusive, narcissistic behaviour wasn't happening isn't gonna work. Until I made my post, I had been attributing all communication issues to the alcoholism. However, there is a deep underlying problem beyond that, which requires an adjustment of communication strategy. Could it have been phrased a little more gently? Probably! But the mods are allowed to express frustration and hurt too, and if the phrasing hurts athol she's allowed to ask for an apology.
That's when you let someone else handle it. That's the point of having multiple mods. If none of them can handle the problem situation, then there's definitely a problem with the makeup of the staff team.
I'm glad to know that I need to justify myself to you every time I make a post on this here Kintsugi dot Seebs dot net. I assume that makes you the judge in my judicial review? You know what else is a significant problem for survivors of some kinds of abuse? "How dare you call x abusive?" "If you want them to get better you can't label them abusive, why can't you just be nice?" You don't get to cast me back into the role of narcissist chew toy.
"I'm tired of being this person's punching bag, who wants to be the sacrifice today. Just FYI it has to be someone, or else they're not going to be able to post at all which is supremely unfair in general, so whoever's most emotionally prepared to be treated like garbage hurry to the line and put on your smile and make it big enough." (yes I'm aware this probably sounds shitty of me but boy is it what I'm feeling from all of this put into words.)
On the one hand, I see part of your point. On the other, in context, this reads as some p intense victim blaming. Even seebs has gotten frustrated. Consider that the problem is not the makeup of the staff team but actually of the behavior they are being subjected too, which is abusive, and should be labelled as such, so it can be addressed properly.
Is there anyone left? I don't know the full list of active mods right now, but there are definitely fewer of them posting in the end of the thread than there were in the beginning.
Unlike you, I avoid taking decisions that would affect the life of someone I'm biased against, so no, it doesn't.
I do want to say that mods have been doing a LOT of rotation and load-sharing with this, which isn't necessarily apparent. All of us have put in lots of effort and have stepped back when we needed breaks. It's just... still going. Most of the time we have more mods than we really need. If you're in the wiggler, compare mod engagements between the older and newer threads. Nobody STARTED from this point. I know I sure didn't.
You do not want to make that the hill you fight on I will tell you right now because that is incorrect. ETA: Gaslighting isn't appropriate when you do it, either. Making a point that the post was not phrased very gently and could have splash damage = fine Attacking beldaran and editing your own history to try and score points and cause hurt = not fine, don't do it.
I take it you weren't there when she wiggled suicidal ideation in my vent thread, chewed me out in public about "taking myself hostage", and wiggling any attempt at a response until some other mod stepped in and deleted her post?
That sort of "oh, yeah, sure, whatever, I'm not listening lol" reaction is heavily triggering to me due to parental abuse. Please stop this.
And, okay. Alix. I really, truly understand that you think Athol is under an unfair amount of pressure and scrutiny, and that you see a difference in how hard people are being on her versus the average forum resident. Drawing fire to take the pressure off her isn't going to do her any favors. It's giving her an excuse to double down on the toxic behaviors that got us to this point, because it's affirming that she really IS the real victim after all, and people who criticize her are just bullies, so everything they said about needing to change can be safely ignored. You're going to damage yourself doing this, even though I know this is an important forum for you, and that your place in here is valuable to you. You'll be hurting yourself and damaging her prospects of improvement. I get why you're doing this, but the short term results are going to be overwhelmed by the long term effects.
I have you on mod-enforced ignore, can't see your posts (I had to post this from a subaccount), and was told you couldn't either, and were triggered by being reminded of my presence. So what is the truth?
Drop it. Read spock's post. Everyone else - the point about Alix's post has been made. It does not need to be gone into any further.
im really not seeing why you're doing any of this aside from trying to jump in the middle to draw fire for some reason, can you knock it off eta: not you kathy, your post popped up as i was posting
I got therapy!! :) The force ignore thing is still true though. I'm also viewing and copying the posts from a sub.
Doesn't make gaslighting appropriate. And given that you have in fact taken yourself hostage in the past, yeah sometimes that does need to be wiggled so it doesn't actually work. Drop it. Make a fresh thread if you want to talk about this stuff. But you need to stop right now.