Reporting the mods

Okay, fine. My memory is that all the reconciliation I wanted was to deescalate into something more reasonable, not that they had to apologize. And the knickname was just an attempt to make her happy by remembering her gender.

How do I reconcile that what I remember is false and that everything nasty she said was what I was actually thinking? How do I get over this delusion that I try to be a nice person, when really I'm this narcissist who is actively trying to hurt people?

Oh, god, my chest hurts and my hands are shaking. Does that mean I'm going to turn into a better person?

 

Disregard the part where I started freaking out. It passed quickly. I need to learn how to control my emotions better when I'm upset. I shouldn't let my chest hurt or my hands shake.

Oh, tracking back to an earlier conversation. Could people not say "we shouldn't have to walk on eggshells" because it is a trigger for me. Instead, could people say that I'm being oversensitive?

 

What was the problem, then? Did I imagine a bunch of upset words about my inability to get Spock's pronouns right?

 

the bar for decency from her is on the floor but expectations are too high because she still can’t manage it? fuck that

seems like anything is enough for you, but you’re right, it’s not enough for me. not sorry at all.

 

Other people were more upset than Spock was. I don't think anyone was particularly nasty about it, but it's possible your brain has turned 'upset about this was widespread' to 'Spock was really upset'.

 

to spell it out in plain words: spock literally just wants an apology for calling her uppity, and extra pissy, and "going off the deep end". that's it. none of those things are true and she wants an apology for it.

 

very few people were upset about the initial misgendering.

very many people were upset at your reaction & rhetoric once it was pointed out you'd misgendered her

 

I think this was discussed about how I don't distinguish who said what very well. I kinda average out a chorus of voices. It's not a disrespect thing. Unfortunately, it also makes it harder to weed out the gaktos-plaukai when I'm trying not to form grudges.

I apologize for being dismissive and exaggerating it into uppity, especially when it was probably a lot of other people being slightly disgruntled at best. I apologize for exaggerating again into pissy for no good reason.

I will stand by feeling that you went a bit "off the handle" if that's better phrasing than "deep end." As far as that not happening again, I would like some cooperation.

 

good apology up until that last paragraph .

 

Yeah, sincerely going to back this up. You're improving and people are noticing that, and I don't want the negative reaction to the last part to make you feel that nobody is noticing the other stuff.

 

Am I the only one who's seeing Spock's tone as complete screaming irrational blowup?

At this point, I want a mediator to debug this.

 

Yes. Her tone reads as 'seriously but perfectly understably annoyed' to me.

 

AM, you have stated MULTIPLE times that you have trouble reading tone. i agree. that's why you don't notice how mocking and meanspirited some things you've quoted from reddit etc are. so if you KNOW that you have difficulty with tone, maybe don't insist that other people are attacking or having "screaming irrational blowups." how would you know? you have a hard time with tone!

 

I'm sorry, but yes. There is something wrong with your perception, and that's scary to face, but people aren't trying to gaslight you when they say it. We're just reporting our own perceptions.

 

FWIW I don't think you're intentionally lying when you say Spock is going 'off the handle', I think your perception is severely skewed, which is different from lying because you believe it to be true. So when Spock wants an apology, it's because the way you've been responding to her is based on a warped perception. While you can't necessarily help that perception, it would be very helpful for you to acknowledge that you can't objectively read Spock's tone, apologize for misrepresenting her (you do not need to clarify it's not intentional in the apology), and make an effort going forward to remind yourself of your skewed perspective when talking to or about Spock.