Reporting the mods

I probably should have offered earlier, but is there a phrasing you prefer?

 

When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

 

Okay. No one is yelling at you. We just want your statements to be clear. It seems like a lot of your confusion comes mixing up explanations.

Here's the order of events (in relation to Spock only, not touching on the other stuff:
You misgendered Spock. Spock corrected you. This happened more than once. Other users scolded you for continuing to misgendered Spock after being corrected more than once. You characterized the correction as being an emotional overreaction (primarily attributed it to Spock only).
You used ableist language ("off the deep end" implying she's unhinged) to describe her emotional state and the manner in which she corrected you. Spock once again correct these facts. You got confused on what facts she was correcting. You perceived her correcting the order of events and characterization of her involvement as her saying you were lying about your emotional state. You continued to misrepresent events and motivations. Spock continued to correct them. You became more upset and demanded spock stop interacting with you (ie correcting the record of facts). You were told that Spock would stop doing this as soon as you stopped misrepresenting events. You became more upset. You self harmed and blamed Spock for "pushing [your] buttons". We objected on grounds of trying to hold Spock responsible for your actions. You "apologised" but with weasly phrasing that still pinned the blame on Spock. We objected to this phrasing. You seem to have read that as is objecting to apologising in the first place and took back the apology entirely. And now we're back at square zero.

Through out this entire exchange 99% of your problems is that your memory is shit and you take corrections as attacks. This would be greatly reduced if you were sober.

 

1. You have some trouble with denotation also.
2. You just admitted to poor comprehension skills and then immediately objected to having your misunderstandings printed out. If you don't understand and won't be corrected, communication is impossible.
3. In any given kintsugi thread, probably half the people present are autistic. Difficulty with figurative language and social signals is not enough to explain your notably-below-average success rate at communicating around here.
4. You seem to be implying that you've been on Earth talking to humans since the 90's without noticing that sex is a touchy subject. This is just not believable.

 

Yes, I was a bit slow to realize why it mattered. My gender on my profile is literally "Why does it matter" and has been that way since I joined. Not really an overreaction, just any reaction was weird. I also didn't keep track of who was saying what.

I was seeing a full-on diva-attack before I started getting so triggered by it. (Kinda more in the meme sense, but a little bit old-trama sense.)

Sounds about right.

misinterpret

Probably I was too busy complaining about how they were saying it to really pay attention?

Which once I was upset, why didn't she back off? I don't think I showed the signs of actually reading the messages because I don't think I was reading the whole messages.

Which I don't think shouting "I want you to stop talking to me" really counts as a lie.

I blamed Spock for upsetting me. The drinking was just something that I noticed happening, like finally figuring out why random bruises happen. Last night, I ended up drinking most of a large bottle of wine after the rum ran out. I figured that removing the cause might help, and by that point Spock had gotten to me enough that their ghost followed me offline.

Yeah, I figured that someone misread what I had said AGAIN and were arguing that I should stop blaming Spock for my drinking after I had just said it.

There are some people who are better at getting through to me than others. How about not drowning them out?

Yeah, I'm going to start getting this place cleaned up so I have room to do things other than sit on the computer and drink.

 

Yeah like full disclosure, I'm both autistic and not a native speaker of english and I'm not saying I never end up with misccomunication tousles but I at least tend to manage talking these things over with people and apologize for saying fucky shit without meaning to, like it is absolutely not impossible.

Also yeah, you cannot demand people try to "make sure they're on the same page" as you and then say that statements to the effect of "I don't think we're on the same page" is akin to yelling. I'm sorry but that's not how anything works. 'being on the same page' is very much reciprocal.

 

Good, that's an excellent step forward.

A big thing for the rest of your commentary on that post which I can't quote for some reason - you need to take more ownership of your choices and actions. If you are aware you aren't really reading the posts, say this.

Say "Hey, things are moving very fast right now, and I am upset and not taking in what is said. Please don't ping me for a bit so I can have some time to process."

Accept that the conversation may continue, but that you will not be directly pinged with notifications for it.

The reason (I'm guessing spock, correct me if i'm wrong as per usual) that spock did not back off when you became upset is that you were continuing to spread untruths in your confused and agitated state.

I've had to double check my own words a bunch because you are actively making me question my perception of reality by saying things didn't happen that did, and that things that did happen didn't.

You have been forgetting things within minutes of posting them. We cannot have a fruitful discussion with you while the disconnect is this high. You're making excellent steps in clearing up, and should be proud of yourself for that.

I would like you to confirm or deny that you have processed what people are saying about going to rehab and whether you intend to do this.

I would also still like an apology for the things I outlined yesterday, and once I have received one will make a TCHGB thread.

 

Um... I don't think you can call out my interpretations of my own perceptions. I mean, now I know that no one else was seeing that, and it was a turkey-peacock.

 

On the subject of communication difficulties, the color-switching format for annotating a quote with responses turns out to be really hard for me to read. Am I the only one? I think multi-quotes would work much better. Or at least paragraph breaks.

 

Could I have a ping in 3-10 hours? While my BAC is lower than its been all week, doing this in the morning seems like a better idea.

I know that people are saying "go to rehab" out of concern that I will die, but I've done this twice without needing liberation or anything. I just stocked the freezer with lots of "direct to oven" food, I've got unlimited talk-time with my mom, my husband works from home half of the time... there are probably people in my hoarding group that I could count on if they knew I needed someone to distract me.

 

Yeah, that last one probably needs editing. Is there a way to unlock my edit button? Maybe stick the code in the wiggler and I'll do a repost?

I'll try to be better about formatting in the future.

 

But when tone was clarified, you continued to insist on mischaracterizing the events. "Huh, them having a reacting is weird to me," fires not translate to "they must be totally off the deep end". That was a jump YOU made and then insisted on.

Yeah funny how being drunk all the time fucks with your perception of reality.

Correct. And also you were probably too intoxicated to rationally interact in the first place. Get sober.

You being upset is not reason enough to stop asserting fact statements. Your request is "I'm upset, there for you should let me live in fantasy delusion land." If you recognize that you are too upset to drago with reality, it is on YOU to do the job of removing yourself. If you can't do that, you can request mods put a thread on lock so you physically can no longer engage in the thread until you are calmer. You are again making someone else responsible for your actions and emotional states.

I already told you which part was being claimed as a lie, but to make sure we're on the same page now, which thing do to think Spock was claiming you were lying about?

1. Wanting her to stop talking to you
2. Wanting you to stop misrepresenting your interactions and her emotional state.

If you are still confused about this I will give you the answer: it's 2.

Spock is not a magical spirit and does not have special powers. You seem to recognize that the choice to drink in order to cope was your own. That's good! Now you need to apologize to Spock.

Then why did you take back the apology instead of offering a new one with the correction?

Good, I'm glad!

 

Not what I was talking about... something that happened right before I told you to stop talking to me.

I WAS SEEING a diva-attack. Doesn't mean that it was actually happening.

 

Okay on the ping.

We're worried that you will die and are pushing rehab. because alcohol withdrawal from alcohol dependence as severe as yours is a dangerous state that needs medical supervision. Multiple people with experience in the medical field have emphasized the importance of rehab for you.

Please be safe. Nobody here wants you to hurt yourself or get worse. We want you to succeed so you can be a better version of yourself for your own sake.

 

You know what... you did something right... Everyone, start analysing this post to figure out what went right and keep doing it. I'm mad, but my hackles aren't up. Pinging me to read this again in the morning might help... is there a way for me to ping myself?

Except, kinda not what I meant. I tend to develop this thing that's vaguely like PTSD except it goes away relatively easily. I hope it's not "wake up in the kitchen with a vague recollection that I was having an argument" bad with Spock, but there is a problem and leaving the forum is just going to make things more intense.

What would help is if Spock could kinda not interact with me directly for a while? Not a hard boundary, but just kinda figure out a way to avoid me? Running into each other outside this thread probably won't trigger(meme usage) me, but somehow Spock in this thread is the opposite of helpful even with what I think Spock wants.