I mean, in terms of the flippant comment I made, this is about as much respect as it deserves, but still.
I'm planning on circling back to last night, or I was until this turned into a flood... page 71. It was supposed to be a simple question about apologies, and I mentioned that maybe it should get its own topic. (Could that please happen? Clean up my screwing up by assuming that it wouldn't turn into a debate with things that might supposed to be insults thrown in?) Though @seebs might have a point where I'm just not seeing things despite wanting to see them.
Athol, you have three different threads in TCHGB. If you want to talk in that format, go use those threads.
nope! i mean exactly what i said! it's mighty interesting stuff! this is fascinating and really checks out with what i know of narcs. also estranged parent forums are like looking into the maw of madness.
Yeah, this thread does move fast. By this point, questions have several answers: You have already had an answer to this very question, but you keep ignoring the answers. We dislike repeating ourselves. I can type and type all I want, but I cannot force you to read. Look. Words. Read them. Seebs does have a point, yes. You seem to be incredibly selective with what you absorb.
Meanwhile, Spock hasn't yet received an apology for the graphic threats. This is your reminder that you can't simply ignore these things until they go away! They're never going to go away!
If you genuinely want to work on this, copy my quote into our TCHGB thread with a note that you are going to come back to it. You can do this with other topics as well. Then actually come back to it.
Was one of the answers from today "we already told you" ? So I clarified that I wanted more "Do" instead of "don't" with a couple of different phrasings. I did say something to the effect that I would come back later and publicly posted the bookmark. I'm currently reading the Eugenics derail. Maybe I should switch to fan-town but it's still going to be heavy and I'm not quite in the mood for fan-town.
No, this is a paraphrase from someone to me back when I was less-prone to lashing out and they got me angry enough to lash-out.
There's a lot of cases where it makes sense to give more "do" advice and less "don't" advice. Don't do X, do Y instead. But in this case, the only thing that matters is stop doing this. It is never okay to shift blame like this. When you say "they got me angry enough to lash-out", you are saying that they were the only person who made choices, that you were a hapless bystander who made no choices. That's bullshit. Stop saying it. What should you do instead? Good question! Try saying what actually happened: "I got angry and lashed out." Don't blame the choice on something external to you. Admit that you are the one who did the thing. Not just as a thing caused by other people, but that you made the choice. That's the truth. Know the truth, and it will set you free.
Not today, dammit. Ping me Monday. This is supposed to be a Spock-free zone temporarily anyway unless my desire for a respite somehow pinged as feeling entitled to badmouth someone without consequences.
Athol could start by acknowledging this. The way things like this work, the brain will usually get better about the thing once you recognize what it's doing and call it out. But you have to do it for yourself. Other people can tell you, but it's when you say "yes, this is what's happening" that your brain will take it seriously and start doing its job. As long as you don't name the thing, your brain will sit around being smug about how successfully it's defending you from feeling bad. Once you name the thing, the brain might start to say "okay maybe that isn't working" and stop preventing you from seeing things. (Phrased in second-person because this is general advice, it works for everyone.)
If you keep talking about Spock, then yes, that is how it comes across. It really is that simple. As long as you keep bringing her up, it's obviously within her rights to respond to what you say about her.
The desire for a spock-free zone was expressed, yes, and I know that I responded with a brief explanation about why it wasn't a reasonable request, and I think other people chimed in too. I do recognize that in this case, other people brought the conversation back to me, which is why I'm not quoting to respond directly, but if you want to talk about me without me responding, this isn't the place for it. If I came up in one of your other tchgb threads, I'd prrrrobably stay out of it (not a guarantee, just probably), but this is a public thread.
Okay, this is a memory so kinda correct the details instead of not!yelling at me for lying. I asked Spock to go away for one day and the weekend. I might have even gotten offline at that point or just not said anything in the thread until the following morning. That particular post was pretty mild on the "drawing a wrong conclusion and then running away with it" but it's very hard to keep them from running together. I would have tried to leave Spock alone, but people immediately assumed and there was no point so I went ahead with a Spock-post. It was one of the ones where I actually did back up a claim. (I can't remember if I posted another one, and there will be one in the queue if I get the energy.) I you look up match-theory by TREXismyspiritanimal, there's another spoon-theory in the comments that uses D&D spells as analogies. And my explanation just got too complicated. Is there a monthy-paycheck version of spoon theory?
You did ask Spock that! Spock said no, though. And then you talked about and with her again in a few exchanges so at least on my end I thought it was clear enough that Spock's "Absolutely not" was at least noticed.