Reporting the mods

wrt the runes, i have an inkling she thought she was being sneaky and getting wiggle-worthy content past mod filters

my only evidence is her asking afterwards in the tchgb thread for her and grief if dead baby joke references are acceptable tho

edit: missed a key word there

 

I would have put a lot of back-end energy into composing an apology except I had to go and fucking ask how it's done because I learned how to do it from bad people.

The song Hero lied when it said "the hurt she can't handle overflows to a knife" because actions aren't tied to emotions. If someone is self-harming, they shouldn't... I forget the way Spock put it, but "positive enforcement" "acknowledgement" I think it related to someone expressing discomfort so you have to stop confronting them and soothe their feelings. You should just ignore their drama-queening if they're hurting themselfs.

And yeah, it was wrong because I was trying to express hurt and try to engage Spock's sympathy to control her and make her stop talking. All I had to do was stop telling lies like how her continuing to talk to me after I asked her not to was upsetting.

And no-one is responsible for the actions of another no matter how much provoking there is. If I tell someone the raunchiest DBJ I know, they can't come back and blame me for missing their shift at work.

There's more, but people are griping at me and won't fucking lay off because only entitled people ask for breaks.

 

Except people have, like me, actually gone way out of their way to find those resources, tenderly hold her hand by linking that shit, and got called worth less than the thought of common household chores.

People can throw things into that endless black hole if they want, but at this point, do it at your own peril, knowing @Athol Magarac already has those resources given to her, and I personally think until she goes "I've tried these and here's what happened, I need something else", giving her more is just encouraging her shitty behavior, because it teachers her that she can be as fucked up as she wants to other people and still receive rewards for it.

 

Okay, first, fuck your entitled attitude, no on said you couldn't take a break. You can walk away at any given moment. What the actual fuck. We've told you this tactic isn't going to work and you don't get to call it quits when you hurt someone else just because they refuse to let you get away with it.

Second?

THIS. IS. NOT. AN. APOLOGY.

Kathy already helped you on how to apologize, and I don't buy the having to look it up because you learned it from bad people. At this point, I personally feel like you are incapable of apologizing because you don't hold any actual remorse for it, and other people saying the same say it because of your shitty behavior.

Not that you've been listening to a single thing people have been saying that hadn't been patting you on the head and telling you "oh, you poor baby". Knock it off, it's an ugly look, and I'm sick of seeing it.

 

Just use a fucking spoiler tag, for the love of god. Putting in random fucking runes doesn't translate to 'you shouldn't read this' it means 'athol's done something fucky again and and now I have to go through five hoops to figure out what the hell you say and no way of knowing beforehand if it's gonna be something terrible or naw. Use. A. Spoilertag.

Or find a better way to say the things you wanna fucking say.

 

Close the browser.


Do something else.


Stop engaging.


Nobody is stopping you.

 

One of the things I was going to do tomorrow was pull up one bit of solid proof that Spock has at least once reversed the meaning of what I was trying to say. I think it got ignored yesterday? The last meaning-reversal was me saying a thing that could be interpreted 2 ways. A lot of my complaints are about being misinterpreted and if past comments add to the meaning and they're wrong, it just keeps snowballing especially when people are hell-bent on not listening.

 

She's lashing out and catastrophizing because she Feels Bad.

She has not linked the fact that she Feels Bad to having Harmed Other People, and trying to do so probably makes her feel worse, so rather than face up to the harm she has done to people she would rather make them into antagonists to explain why she Feels Bad.

 

Do you want me to squack "you sent Spock fraphic threats." like some g-damn parrot? Spock said something about giving an indication of understanding.

 

Did I not ask for help? I should have said something more of the lines of "could I have a bulleted list that I can check off?" nut the answer is "we're not going to do your homework." I'm sorry that I didn't Google "what does Kint expect from me"

 

You want to be talked about like you're not here, Athol? Fine.

Her behaviour has been absolutely unacceptable, consistently. I have not received an apology for the incredibly blatant attempt to manipulate me yesterday, and regardless of how funny I found the attempt after I calmed down, it does not make the behaviour acceptable or something that does not need an apology.

She's got no theory of mind to speak of, regularly admits that she doesn't bother to read entire posts, so many of which contain all of the information she keeps asking for, forgetting she's asked for, ignoring when she gets it, and then asking for again, and deflects away from anything that takes Work in favour of catastrophizing over everything being impossible because she'd prefer to just accept her situation and lay down and rot because:

- hearing she has hurt people makes her Feel Bad but as outlined above she cannot seem to identify correctly why that makes her feel bad an instead attributes it toward having received abuse instead of experiencing the emotions of regret and shame toward her own behaviour.

- it hurts to get hopeful and put effort in and risk perceiving being rejected because it isn't good enough.

She is not going to get better while she doesn't consider the work to do so worth it.

I will say I do consider some of the responses to be edging into cruelty in return and would prefer personally to see less of that but understand why it is happening.

 

Did I not ask for this thread to be locked and for people to stop pining me? Surely the stop pinging me part was reasonable and the locking something that has been done without my having requested it but needing it.

 

Responding to @Grief and @seebs ' discussion

It's also important to note that specific actions are not really what social rules are about. Fundamentally, what's going on underneath all this talk about blame and responsibility is that people want to know that other people will try not to hurt them. That's why causing deliberate or easily avoidable hurt is such a big deal, even if the actual hurt inflicted is small: it means you weren't trying.

It's also why, for example, it's not okay to expect certain people not to appear in public to avoid triggering you. Society judges setting that boundary to be more callous about others' well being than breaking the boundary would be. Therefore, the boundary is condemned or ignored.

Social stuff can be confusing because people will talk about specific actions (like saying "sorry") because that's easy to talk about, but fundamentally what you need to do is persuade people to believe something (like that you'll try not to hurt them.)

 

Also people are listening to her, we're just not saying the things she wants to hear. In a DM Athol made it clear to me previously that when she asks for advice she usually has a specific answer that she wants to receive. It is possible to get her to consider a response that is not what she wants to receive, but it's only been possible via the sort of strategy that Beldaran posted in the excerpt about toxic parents - I have had to constantly, consistently reassure Athol even when talking about her most vicious actions that I recognize she is experiencing pain. If I do not do this, she reliably ceases to fully pay attention until I do again.

I have been doing this as a deliberate strategy, as it does not cost me many spoons to write lengthy posts about cognition and rewiring faulty distortions, I enjoy helping, and honestly I don't have much going on in the rest of my life right now. I have extensive experience in managing this exact sort of behavior.

However I will stop engaging directly and refuse to budge past whenever she does something unacceptable. Right now I'm going to refuse to let the subject progress past the sexual threats and suicide baiting she directed toward Spock. Do not allow her to redirect the conversation. I know it's easy to get lost in the weeds to the meandering thought process but as more time passes the less she is willing to consider her actions still important - see the recent bemusement over people still caring about the *first* round of threats against Spock.

The conversation does not move on here.

She needs to recognize the harm she has done, understand that it was bad, why it was bad, that it was not in any way spock's fault, and that there are better strategies for managing her emotional state than lashing out with threats, insults, and childish attempts to get around the extremely basic barriers put in place for the protection of other forum users.