i can't remember for shit and it's. kind of scaring me

i am so so glad you're seeing a dr tomorrow, because while i didn't want to freak you out i was worried that next week was pretty far away.

 

My professional opinion as a Not-Yet-A-Doctor is that that sounds super hella neurological, and you should get your ass imaged ASAP.

 

update, cuz i said i would and won't remember later: sense of time's even more fucked than usual, (thought it was 7am at 1130?? idk how 2 explain everything's just going by really fast) to shaky to hold a cup onehanded, can't use my thighs as a table cuz my right leg is sporadically shaking (like rn. y this) and it's annoying, having trouble with some detail stuff? i keep on trying to type but my hands are veering over and not hitting the keys i expect them 2 hit, stuff like that. but i don't think i've forgotten much today! so there's that. just a couple incidences so far and i haven't had a repeat of the time where i didn't know where i was yesterday, ugh i wish this headache would just chill the fuck out already

 

oh! leaving 4 the doc's in 20, i should put that here 2 cuz there's no pens around 2 write on myself w/

 

ahaha wow i sure am glad that these doctors took me seriously! would really suck if they tried to pin it on med fog and get me to stop taking two of my three psych meds because i should 'consolidate'
would suck even harder if i tried to give them a detailed log of a day's worth of terrifying, shitty happenings and was refused!





fuck.

 

Jesus D= I am so sorry. Can you get yourself to a hospital or to another doctor at all?

 

Yeah, I'm gonna vote "go to the ER" as round two. I'm sorry they were so useless, ugh. :/

 

i see my psych tuesday, if things somehow get more fucked between now and then the hospital down the road's all new and shiny


looked back on some stuff and realized that any shakiness i get more heavily or exclusively happens on the right side, and the doc just blinked and went back to telling me about how i should max out every psych med i'm on to 'get results' and/or quit taking them, and holy fucking shit i am scared now.

 

Your doc is sounding kinda useless, and I would probably go to the hospital sooner rather than later. I'm not an expert by any means, but this sounds like something is physically happening rather than happening mentally.

 

Also maybe look up the potential side effects of the meds you're on? That way you'll have information next time you go in and can say "no, that is definitely not what is happening". (and even if it is that's a serious enough side effect to warrant emergency treatment anyway)

 

That wasn't a doctor, that was a clown who found a medical degree in a cereal box. >:[

I'm sorry I don't have anything useful to say. I am so, so upset for you, though.

 

This really pisses me off. You are clearly having a SERIOUS ISSUE, even if it WAS a result of your meds that would mean your medicine regimen would need to be seriously looked at, not just brushed off with 'lol stop taking all ur meds, i'm sure u don't need them'.

 

@Mercury three clowns, actually! must've been a big cereal box

 

Like if it were me my parents would probably file a complaint with the hospital for that kind of 'treatment'. Ugh. Unacceptable.

 

...we clearly have very different parents. i mean, i already knew that buuuut

(dad half believes them)

 

Well actually I'm an adult so I'd probably file the complaint myself but they would be pissed with the doctors.

 

what the fuck kind of doctor refuses to look at a log of symptoms and ignores things like 'primarily taking place on half the body' and just says 'lol stop meds'. like, even if it is the meds:

1) if you have a psych and the dr knows this they should be referring you to the psych about med problems
2) there should be a plan for tapering them off because going cold turkey can be horrific
3) if you're having symptoms this severe you should probably be having some sort of medical supervision while you're going off the meds, because some symptoms don't stop immediately
4) "idk either max out all your meds or stop most of them" is the dumbest plan ever

at the very least they should look at your log of symptoms and be able to say "oh yes this is a rare side effect but not unheard of with such-and-such a med", not just handwave you

i am honest-to-goodness agog

 

If you were my kid, I'd be raising hell with those jokers, no question about it.

 

i should've just pitched a fit and not moved til i got what i wanted or somethin, this sucked
as is i got them 2 test the shit out of me tho
down abt a pint of blood
...actually i retract my previous statement, shit was the only thing they DIDN'T take.



i think a lot of it's how well i can compensate for it tbh? i'm really awesome at making it look like nothing's wrong, (or that, at the very least, it's not affecting me in any tangible, visible way) which HAS bit me in the butt before

 

Three things:
1) The symptoms you're describing are serious and life-disturbing. You can't keep living your life like this: regardless of the cause, something has to be done to fix it.
2) The cold hard truth is this: you're young, you're AFAB, and you have mental health issues which you take medication for. As a result, unless you walk in with a knife sticking out of your back, most practitioners are going to assume that every symptom you describe is psychosomatic, which they then translate to mean "made up and totally voluntary". It's gonna be an uphill battle for you to figure out what the actual cause of this is, let alone to fix it.
3) I am not a doctor, I have not seen you or your doctor IRL, and I cannot rule out or diagnose you with a goddamn thing, or make any binding character judgements about you or your doctor. I am sort of familiar with the medical field, though, so I might be a bit of help in troubleshooting what's going on, and figuring out a good way to get your problems taken seriously.

WITH THAT IN MIND:
Strictly speaking, you haven't mentioned any symptoms so far that completely rule out psychogenic causes or medication effects. This is a good thing - undeniable neurological symptoms are signs of major league, often permanent injury. The severity of the symptoms makes me suspect an organic cause (i.e., med effects or neurological disease) rather than a purely psychological one, but that's not certain. Everything's still up in the air right now, so don't get too attached to any one idea about what it is. No matter what the cause, your problems are real, and they deserve to be taken seriously and resolved.

An important thing to remember is that symptoms such as tremors, forgetfulness, and migraines can often be exacerbated or triggered by stress, regardless of their causes. For example, many people with neurological disorders such as Parkinsons struggle with a sort of unpleasant feedback loop when their motor problems make tasks difficult: they can't perform the task, which makes them frustrated, which makes their tremor worse, which makes them unable to perform the task, and so on. I suspect that stress about the cause of your symptoms and your upcoming appointment was to blame for at least some of the sudden rapid decline in functioning that you described over the last few days. This is, again, a good thing - sudden, rapid decline for no good reason is bad shit, and I would much rather for your sake that there was a "benign" reason, for that at least. The bad news is that you can't really do jack shit to eliminate stress as a confounding factor in your diagnosis, since it's pretty natural to feel stressed in your situation. But if you were worried about the decline continuing to progress, you probably don't have to be.

Aaaah fuckit i'm tired. Quick bullet points:
-things that are helpful for internet rubbernecking pseudo-diagnosis: a list of medicines you take; a list of physical conditions you're diagnosed with, if any; any family history of neurological disease or cardiovascular disease (including hypertension); any personal history of hypertension or clotting disorders.
-next time you see a doctor about this, start off with the motor issues and one or two of the most egregious memory problems (the time you said "hi" again to someone in the middle of a conversation, the time you forgot you were throwing a pot, etc). Provide the other details in response to their questions.
-It's probably not a stroke or brain cancer. Don't quit your day job just yet.

@Everyone, including me: the last thing OP needs is a buncha well-intentioned internet dudes telling him it's definitely for certain brain cancer and he needs to be getting chemo RIGHT NOW. Unless you're a doctor with a magical MRI that can image people's brains from across the internet, disclaimers are your friend.