sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

Madeline from Celeste is immune to fall damage as a required secondary power of her dash (which incidentally goes as fast as her max falling speed). Actually it's acceleration/deceleration trauma she's immune to, so things like being violently shaken, hit by a train, thrown into walls, etc won't hurt her unless she gets squished because she's not immune to being crushed.

Result: someone who finds slamming into walls at terminal velocity a pleasant experience. Or being grabbed in Badeline's TK and shaken aggressively. Or tacklehugged at, again, over a hundred km/h, like she was trying to do to Badeline in the boss fight (the sound effect is apparently named 'hug').

I can also see her being super restless shortly after getting her dash, until she's dashed around wildly a lot and slammed into quite a few walls and basically (re)calibrated her expectations of what her body can do

this happens again post-merge and she just dashes around like a maniac for a bit

(this headcanon brought to you by: everyone dashes around like a maniac in celeste when getting used to the dash controls and dashes into walls all the time on purpose looking for Secrets and does more dashing around like a maniac after the merge thing so have a diagetic reason: madeline really enjoys that kind of sensory input now)

 

I'm not sure if this goes in the ridiculous headcanons thread or the awful headcanons thread, but: I know everybody loves to snark about how the Pokemon Go professor is grinding pokemon up to turn them into candy, but I prefer to believe that his actual crime is setting up a massive Pokemon-laundering operation. Did you think every single Team Rocket grunt went out and caught their standard-issue Koffing and Rattata? Oh no, Giovanni buys them in bulk on the cheap from the extremely dedicated Pokemon hoarder who has a network of thousands upon thousands of suppliers sending him hundreds upon hundreds of Pokemon apiece.

 

you know. if i could survive fall damage i too would probably just ram my face into shit at full speed for funsies.

 

incidentally the source for madeline's dash being over 100 km/h is dashing is exactly as fast as her maximum fastfall speed and the terminal velocity of a person is 195km/h

madeline goes almost twice as fast as the open-road speed limit at her max speed it's not that surprising that she can break walls with her face and be fine

EDIT: finished the post

 

also assuming madeline keeps some echo of her powers outside the mountain she probably alarms her family with slamming into things/walking, falling, or jumping off things/just being completely chill about having things thrown at her because of this

she does canonically do archery without a fingerguard so she probably kept some of the abnormal toughness? so she probably had a really awkward conversation where she had to explain to her family about the mountain's power and her new superpower of being abnormally resistant to blunt force trauma that doesn't involve being squished

(also i imagine that she has absolutely discovered the lack of immunity to being squished...by, like, zipper accident or some other really minor but Ow injury)

 

The BH6 gang took Baymax to a convention and entered him in the cosplay contest as the Staypuft Marshmallow Man.

 

Please tell me he won.

 

Peedee is actually a nickname for something with the initials P.D.

 

@Acey Of course he did.

 

Nier: Automata spoilers?

Spoiler

This isn't really ridiculous or lighthearted or idunno just totally pointless "worldbuilding": I think that, given that the YorHa were built in humanity's image, they were also built with human limitations in mind that they don't physically have, this would explain all of the instances of them acting like they're human even when they're not, like stuttering and moving slowly when heavily damaged or wanting to eat stuff even though they don't need to. Also why they always carry their weapons with the little light disc thingies instead of in their hands; because they're too heavy for them to carry around most of the time, and one of the things that separates combat units from non-combat units is being taught how to ignore those mental limitations for the sake of battle (which also explains why 9S is capable of fighting even though Scanners are apparently supposed to be super weak and useless in combat, because 2B taught him how to fight hand-to-hand)

 

Glomgold tried to overtake Scrooge in wealth by kidnapping Mark Beaks and holding him for ransom. It failed, because Beaks is so irritating that no one wanted him back.

 

I'm rereading Frankenstein, and it struck me during the creature's monologue that he mentions finding a cloak in the forest in the first few days, but never mentions pants.

How long did that take him to figure out.

Anyway, I've decided that's the real reason everyone screamed and threw things at him, and I'm not going to make the Young Frankenstein joke, because anyone who has seen the movie is making it in their head already.

 

One from TVTropes for Who Framed Roger Rabbit, which I always figured was canon:

 

In Hetalia, Spain and Netherlands both have a reputation for similar... inappropriate interests, but the two are/were sworn enemies, so a headcanon I adopted from the kinkmeme is that they both started said untrue rumours about each other.

 

Okay, so some decades after the evens of Final Fantasy VI, there are two major versions of the opera Maria and Draco. The first is the traditional romantic epic, an old story we've heard before. East wars with the West, and Maria is pledged to wed the Prince who conquered her homeland, tragedy, singing, etc etc.
But someone in the audience once saw a giant octopus crash the stage right before Fantasy David Bowie kidnapped the leading lady. And they went, 'huh...'.

Spoiler: This is the stage performance that came from that incident

The story is still about Maria, but due to Circumstances, Maria is now betrothed to the Ocean Prince. Who may be an octopus. She is also betrothed to the Lord of the Sky, who has a flying castle. Also she might be betrothed to a Bandit King, who hates being called a bandit. After that, the details get messy because this is no longer Opera. This is comedy.
This is a farce.
Misunderstandings and hijinx abound! Sometimes Maria has a twin sister, someone probably catches amnesia, and somehow the Bandit King has handwriting identical to that of the Ocean Prince. The performances vary from day to day, depending on which actors are hungover, what props are available, and the mood of the crowd. There is one universal truth though-- the curtain won't fall until someone has married an octopus.

 

the final pic in celeste's credits, with madeline saying something to badeline and badeline going ^v^?

somehow the topic of hypothetical genderswaps came up and madeline made a bad pun about hypothetical male version of her, or, "mandeline"...and then made another pun about this hypothetical mandeline playing the mandolin

those are the faces of someone telling bad puns to part of herself personified and laughing at them

 

"Ladeline."

 

Rocky from Chicken Run is the son of Foghorn Leghorn.

 

madeline's mother has a maine coon cat
he is 13 kilos of chatty fluffball kitty with extra toes

 

Since he went above and beyond in providing far more info than was needed for a "truthful" answer, Grunkle Stan absolutely knew Mabel put the Truth Teeth in his mouth and was messing with the kids.