can y'all get around to modding my posts through quicker please

bruh i can tell that you don’t like me and you’ve replied to me with memes before so i’m just letting you know that i usually don’t interact with people who don’t like me. you should just avoid me. we should avoid people we don’t like. when you reply to people you don’t like it’s a bad dynamic.

 

okay that makes sense, and like, i’m sorry, it’s unfortunate that it is that way. i’m sorry that it does seem
sexual because of the circumstances that happen to be. but i’m not sorry to the person because i still don’t believe they were sincere, they just made a lot of assumptions and created an unsafe situation.

 

IANAM

But this is a misinterpretation. The issue is not that the subject matter is being considered NSFW in non-adult areas of the forum. If that was the case, many of the posts on here that the mod team is objecting to would have been wiggled or moved to appropriate venues, or at the very least spoilered.

The issue is the imagery that Lukas's words bring up regardless of venue, and the damage that said words (especially unspoilered) can do. The only area that such verbiage would be tolerated - not preferred, but tolerated - is in the Holler Closet, TKD or HITCV, in a thread that is explicitly marked as being... well, explicit. And that's because forum culture dictates that a personal shout space can get more than slightly messy so long as it is contained to that thread where people can block/ignore, or have been given a blanket warning (which only covers so much).

Spoiler: TW: Graphic Suicide Ideation as an Example

To go for the non-sexual example, it's the difference between a user saying 'someone fucking kill me' and 'someone shove my head in the bath tub and don't let me go until the bubbles stop' . While the latter could be considered mild by someone, maybe just the way they talk, it's bringing up a very specific and disturbing imagery.

I could write a whole topic on the concept of splash damage and how it applies to this forum using past examples but I'll save that for another area.

 

trying to frame a traumatized person for bringing up the r-word over and over as being a sexual harasser is... how do i put it without just being insulting. well, its suspicious. i question the motives of a person that sees someone traumatized and bringing up the trauma and then tying that into a few random words they said, and then trying to like... flip the weight of the trauma on the person to being an attack. they’re... trying to turn the victim’s evidence of abuse into evidence of them being an abuser. i don’t see how that mistake could be made, so it seems very intentional. it seems like, rather than being genuine lack of understanding or confusion, this was done intentionally. and that is very suspicious. i don’t know if this person reality checked with other people to see if they were just triggered, if other people helped them analyze whether this was a reality based interaction, or what. it seems either trauma based or malicious. and considering nd they bounced, i don’t think they even want an an apology. the reason why they don’t want an apology could be that they don’t value me or my reality at all, which is consistent with the theory that they are just doing this to make someone traumatized go deeper into trauma and guilt and get them stuck in the loop where they see themselves as exactly like the abuser, this making it impossible to ask for help. so i’m not apologizing to chiomi... in lieu of apology, they just want retribution. they just want me to suffer. i don’t think chiomi is making sense at all

 

i mean when the mods are unnecessarily mean to me, and i don’t fight back, that’s submission. it’s the literal definition of submission. i don’t know what other word to use than that

 

also feeling like i just want people to be nice to me, even when i’m being mean, feels babyish. it feels like wanting to be treated like a baby. if you read sexual stuff into that, sorry? but i’m not sorry to the fact that you’re trying to tie my trauma in to your case that i’m a creep. i’m like... right here. you can ask me questions. lukas, are you into being treated like a baby and submitting sexually? the answer is no. and magically, you’re not creeped out. the fact that you chose not to do that... why did you choose not to do that?

 

this forum is full of people that have ill intent towards me so like. why would i go around being nice to everyone? the very first post i made was in a fandom thread and someone told me haughtily to leave. it’s not nice here.

 

I'd suggest compliance, or if you want to specifically mention that you didn't want do comply, forced compliance or compliance under duress. The language is technical enough that no one's going to think of it as casually sexual, though people can still argue with you whether the rest of your statement there is accurate.

And, as spockandawe just said, i'd suggest not trying to suggest anyone else's sexual intent and actions in messages. If you want to vent over your own trauma, vent threads are an appropriate venue for that and no one's preventing you from mentioning rape there, but everything spockandawe mentioned above is immensely inappropriate and continuing that will absolutely continue to color how the mods think of your wording as a whole

 

i mean, thanks . but is it really safe to discuss sexual trauma at all around kinksters.

 

stop ascribing motivations that don't exist to people

edit: changed around wording to be more clear

 

well, we are working on hypotheticals here. that is kinda what this whole thread is

 

imo kinksters should be more understanding of the non-kinksters

 

kinksters around people with sexual trauma... there’s just a lot of discussion to be had there i think. we all get that around kinksters, terms like submission and compliance get muddied. no o e is denying that. but the deeper issue is that to most people, submitting sexually or nonsexually is not enjoyable. projecting that state of mind on the general population can be confusing and harmful. i feel upset, sad, scared, unsafe, angry, and out of control when i’m asked or forced to submit sexually or nonsexually. unfortunately that is why i being up the r-word so much in conversation because the worst thing i can think of is those situations. when a kinksters reads those words, the emotion doesn’t carry through and instead it looks like something i am asking for or enjoy or want.

 

i mean, you’re twisting my words too. you’re not taking this seriously. when you don’t do this it makes me have to explai. what i meant when i think you know what i meant. i wanna see if you can go “yeah, i know what you literally meant” before i go and explain it to you so you can paint it as manipulation. and again it has to do with power dynamics so your sexualizing that is gonna be relevant. it’s all relevant

 

like if someone is trying to bully me, and i respond “you don’t have a dick” i want to see if you can explain to yourself why that is t a case of me being a sexual harasser before i have to explain it. i want to see if you can separate power dynamics, sexuality and context

 

when you continually bring up rape and sex and people's genitals, it doesn't make someone a "kinkster" to point out that that's kind of fucked up to keep doing.

if anyone is bringing up sexual trauma to people with sexual trauma, it's you

or as i like to say, and DARVO was her name-o!

 

and eventually i can see this discussion going down the path of you victimizing yourself for being kinky so. this can go on all night. it just sucks and is ruining everyone’s halloween so.

 

If you can't respectfully coexist with people who happen to have different sexual preferances than you, that they don't make your problem whatsoever, I think you're gonna have a bit of a hard time on the internet.
Especially if this whole tantrum can be set off by something as benign as 'hey uh, you know the context of BDSM, that relatively well known phenomenon that you can currently find refernced in third rate grocery store paperbacks, yes, that context, the context that kind of contributes a lot to how these words you keep saying generally get read? It's not hard to make the leap to that connotation and that context is well known so maybe rethink your word choices'