minor ocd management?

;a; thanks you two, i appreciate hearing that...

uhm. i dont have much of a response to the above stuff, so do you mind if i backtrack a little bit? the fear that im no better than or worse, am a dog abuser for writing things would go away if i can get the thought that im gonna abuse a dog whenever im near one under control.

i know what makes someone a dog abuser, and i dont exhibit any of those traits, and again, when im actually around and interacting with dogs, i treat them well. but the intrusive thought that im going to abuse them pops into my head and suddenly it taints the whole otherwise positive interaction, makes me think i have an ulterior motive to treating the dog well, for example.

 

not at all, I really appreciate that you're setting that boundary

you don't have an ulterior motive. you have anxiety. some people find that it helps to think of the thoughts as being from an adolescent troll trying to get a rise out of them -- "you ever want to just give that dog a good thwack? why not? it'd be so easy, you know you want to, just try it, come on" -- and you can basically just refuse to engage ("uh-huh" "yes, I choose not to" "oh yeah?" "no thanks" "you're not as subtle as you seem to think") until they get bored.

also, it's kinda hard to get existentialist when you've just knitted a sock, so... maybe try to be sure you're making something useful sometimes, or doing something kind. something you can feel good about. that's just general advice for living a good life but I think it applies particularly to people who are prone to questioning their motives.

 

hmmm... i have donated a significant amount of money to [organization] that directly helps [victims of the thing im scared of doing] but im scared it may have been... performative. i did it in a bout of frustration after getting dogpiled (hah) by people accusing me of being [thing] but i didnt post about that i had done it, so... i was performing... for myself? just trying to make myself feel good and like im not actually [thing]? idk.

i've tried the "the thoughts are just a troll/mister drumpf/etc" but it,,, didnt really help.

and, i havent stated this yet, but the thoughts only started after i was accused, directly and indirectly, of being the thing. so even if i do tell myself the thoughts are coming from a troll or something, it doesnt help because i know real people who arent just trolls have said the same thing.

 

hi! so i was diagnosed a few years ago with OCD Lite ("depression and anxiety with OCD tendencies"), which I think is essentially means I have OCD thought patterns (obsessive spirals and scrupulosity, with some minor unwanted thoughts stuff), but I don't really have compulsive behaviors that significantly impact my life. does that kind of sound like what you're dealing with?

if so, i can pass on some things that have worked for me. i obviously am not a medical professional or a therapist, and the coping stuff that's worked for me might not work for you, but i can try to give some suggestions for stuff that might help.

also, for some unwanted thought syndrome solidarity:

 

oh my god i love that video so much. but yeah! how you described it sounds exactly what i got going on for me and about how my therapist described it too. so any tips you have would be immensely helpful as well ;a;

 

actually doing a thing can't be performative. acts don't cancel out. it's part of you now. someone who has done good things has done them, flat out -- that can't be taken from you.

and... oof that's fucking rough. it's not just "what if (thing that's obviously ridiculous)" it's "what if they were right about me?" and... idk, this seems like possibly a topic for ita, if that's something you'd be comfortable with. (you would not be the only person suspecting themself of abuse, it's come up iirc multiple times in that forum.)

useful term might be "pure o ocd"? although last I knew it was contested as a diagnostic category, there's been some work on it, academic and informal

 

hmmm...

i have thoughts about this, and i'll say at this point what it is im scared of, but i want this thread to be moved to a private subforum first. @spockandawe @jacktrash @Chiomi can one of you do that for me? i'll come out and speak plainly after that's done. i just don't want it on a public-facing forum

 

ftr the reason i'll suck it up and say what it is plainly is because i don't think we're going to get anywhere meaningful if i keep darting around the subject. im very very terrified of doing so, and i dont want people on this forum thinking lesser of me for saying it. i have a somewhat decent reputation on here and i dont wanna do anything that'd compromise that, but... sighs

 

actually... on second thought. bush, would you mind terribly if i DM'd you the thing? i actually am thinking about it (i know, i know, im jumping everywhere in a short time span, sue me, im anxious asfuck) and i dont want it out in the open open

 

I started a kintsugi conversation; I think that's what you meant. although, can you clarify for any mods reading -- do you still want this thread moved?

 

nah its fine, thank you! @ mods reading we're good, don't listen to me, yada yada yada

 

np! thanks Jesse<3

 

okay, so:

in my experience, trying to logic out or talk directly back to the thoughts doesn't really help. what helps for me is to try to forcibly redirect the thoughts back to reality. this technique for me has two parts:

first, i try cbt grounding techniques. the one that works best for me is counting. i pick a category of thing--green things, circular things, smooth things, etc.--and then count all of those things that i can see. getting fresh air helps me too, just going outside and hearing new sounds, touching grass and breathing, reminding me where and when i am.

if that doesn't work, i try to 'talk back' to the thoughts, but in a particular way. i don't contradict the thoughts, i ask them questions. the one that works best for me is "is this helpful?" if i'm worried about hurting someone or something, i ask myself "does obsessing over this actually help anyone? or does it just hurt me? if it's just hurting me, what's the point?"

it might also be helpful to have a sort of mantra to help push back against the thoughts. when i'm so overloaded with anxiety, it can be difficult to pull out any sort of "rational" or "logical" counterpoints. something simple, almost incantation-like, can help more. for me, it was "this isn't about you." for you, it could be something like "thoughts aren't actions" nothing complicated, just a simple, declarative statement that you can repeat to help ground yourself.