Super General Advice (the thread for advice without making a thread)

@paladinkit You gotta go and sit in some chairs. You want something that's comfortable for you and light enough for you and the only way to know that is to go and park your butt on them in person.

Oh but watch out for the brain glitch where if you touch something you feel like you already own it and you're more likely to buy it.

 

my personal method was to find a gaming chair with one arm missing in the trash bins behind my apartment building, spend an afternoon cleaning substances I’m gonna choose to think of as just mysterious out of the wheels, and then light some nice smelling incense whenever I wanted to actually sit in it for a couple weeks or so

very comfy! great chair! unbeatable price! probably would not recommend lol

 

oh yeah, Dumpster Christmas was my only source for furniture aside from hand me downs forrrrrr 6ish years? It was A Life, and hey, it gave us things so we weren't living out of boxes like little gremlins.

I'm going to combine all the advice and brave IKEA with my sis for some sitting tests, then pick up a lumbar pillow later if the Right Price/Comfort chair turns out to need it.

 

How much time do you expect to spend in a chair? If you aren't planning on sitting in it for extended stretches, you probably don't need the most perfect ergonomic chair ever. Features to look for: ability to have your feet flat on the floor and your butt all the way back in the seat at the same time, some amount of built in lumbar curve, generally upright position ( there are lots of fancy expensive office chairs out there where the back of the chair isn't even close to straight up and down, and they are very comfy short-term but almost never an actual good choice). You will also want a chair that stays comfortable for as long as you're sitting in it, so enough back support that you aren't having to use your abs the whole time, and a seat that distributes pressure over a broad area. A good chair for the computer does not have to be an office chair.

My mom uses an inflatable lumbar support cushion that velcros into place on the chair back. It's nice because you can control the amount of curve it gives your back.

 

When you go to ikea make sure to check out the as-is section too, I got this chair for $120, they may, or may not have anything you're interested in there, but there's always a chance.

 

I told my family I'd be okay with them not making a big deal of my gender thing, but it hurts when they call me "she" or "sister" or "daughter" in public, more than I thought it would. I guess they don't wanna make a scene, but it feels like they don't even remember I told them. Should I keep not rocking the boat, or what?

 

Does anyone here live in Northern California? Specifically if they know/ have visited the Santa Cruz/Monterey Bay area?

I'm gonna be there for the last couple weeks of this upcoming April (for my 30th and 31st birthday present lol) and since I'm coming from the UK, wanted to see if any locals had any recommendations besides the obvious - I'm planning on doing as much whale watching as I can afford, and to go to MBA at least twice while I'm there XD

Also, does anyone have any public transport tips for a hapless foreigner who can't drive at all? The other things I wanna see seem to be at least a couple hours out by car, and that's waaay too expensive to uber/lyft and like six hours by whatever passes for buses there D:

EDIT: @Chel I have THIS EXACT SAME ISSUE with some of my family. For me, it really depends on the day. If you can spare the spoons, correct them, but if you can't then it's just gonna be a dysphoria day I guess :/ How would your people react to being gently spritzed with water each time they fuck up? XD

 

@ChelG i have been the family in this scenario. for me, though theoretically I was all on board with the idea of a family member being trans, it was really hard to shift my mental status quo. basically it was all the difficulty of changing a deeply ingrained habit, combined with the instinctive human alarm at drastic changes. I had to have the “so wait are you actually nonbinary?”/“yeah, pretty much” exchange with my sibling a couple times before it really took. my parents are still struggling with it.

for me, small, frequent reminders really helped it sink in. my sibling sticking a pronoun/flag pin on their bag, casually complaining about being misgendered, stuff like that. basically little casual parts of life aside from direct conversations where you tell them you’re trans, stuff to make it clear this is a normal part of life for you. if your family’s problem is similar to what mine was, that might help.

 

Second question, related to the first - does anyone know if fineliner and marker pens are prone to the same issues aka leakage as rollerballs on planes? Also I REALLY favour rollerballs for doodle journal purposes, are there any ways to prevent or at least reduce the risk of cartridge 'splodey in transit?

Google is Not Helpful and Im a little desperate

 

I've never had a fineliner explode on me the way rollerballs have in my decade of various art-related schools and jobs, but IDK if they're any more tolerant of rough treatment, flying etc. and also their nibs fail a lot quicker. If you draw a lot, you might wanna invest in a technical pen, they're more resilient than your average biro.

EDIT: or an astronaut pen but they're like 70€ a pop

EDIT2: Apparently you can get pressurised cartridge pens in the States just fine, they're made by Fisher Spacepen.

 

Gel pens work fine on airplanes

 

There is no good public transit in the Monterey/Santa Cruz area. It is just a fact. I would also be wary of taking uber/Lyft out to someplace and then not being able to get back.

That said, Point Lobos state park is gorgeous and appears to be about an hour by bus. That bus only runs on weekends and only twice/day, but hey, it exists.

 

Is it better to encourage one to talk about their past with abusive family / seek therapy (as they've only told me very small bits), or wait and not bring it up until they're ready by themselves?

 

It depends, firstly on "are you, personally, ready to process and interact with that kind of trauma?" Bc sometimes like you're just not equipped to handle that shit, and offering to be there and then not being able to be there can really fuck the other person up. (My general opinion of the userbase means I think you probably wouldn't be asking this if you weren't but I have had irl friends, who grew up in nice non abusive families, extend offers like this and then be unable to cope with me actually talking about it. It sucks a lot.)

The "ready by themselves" comment makes me wonder if they've admitted to themselves that they experienced abuse? If they haven't, personally I'd advise making yourself available to talk it out first, because suggesting they see a therapist if they aren't ready to admit things really were that bad can backfire spectacularly. Being there to validate their experiences while they figure that out themselves can really help.

If that isn't actually a problem here - make the offer, suggest therapy where appropriate, and then let them make the next move.

 

Yes, very much that. First, evaluate whether you're prepared for the conversation. It's okay if not.

It's been my experience that people who are ready to talk about something like that will bring it up, but often very cautiously. They may wait until someone else has already raised the topic in relation to their own experiences. I wouldn't generally recommend trying to artificially raise the topic in hopes that they might open up. Just, if it does come up, they might be willing to share because it's no longer a topic of silence.

They may bring it up on their own, but in ways they trust to be sufficiently awkward that most people won't pursue it. Responding to "your mom" jokes by agreeing, then talking about how actually the joke was far too kind. Doing the whole "I haaaate my parents" thing, but with a sincerity and amount of emotion way beyond average. Alternately, mentioning a bad memory or current conflict, but not going into it in enough depth that someone who doesn't know much about abusive dynamics would probably pick up on the red flags. If someone is doing these kinds of things, you can take them up on the topic rather than letting it drop. Let them tell you if they're comfortable.

 

Is isopropyl alcohol (in this instance -- surgical disinfectant) safe to use to wipe clean laptops/game controllers/sundry electronics or will it damage them? I've only ever used it on metal, stone and porcelain.

 

I live in Santa Cruz, and first off, we should totally connect! :D

Second off, public transit here is unfortunately kinda terrible, but you can prooooobably get to where you wanna go depending on where you'll be staying and where you're going? (EDIT: To clarify, I'm talking about transit from Santa Cruz--I dunno about Monterey. It's possible to get to SF from SC via public transit, though, so...)

As for things to do (mostly in the Santa Cruz area because I'm more familiar with it than Monterey):

• The Monterey Bay Aquarium is obviously a must-see! So cool.
• The Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk is a lil historic beachside amusement park! It's right by the beach, has some really great rides (I love the Giant Dipper so much!!), and is also next to a bowling alley, a mini-golf course, an arcade, and the wharf (be sure to go to the end of the wharf to see the sea lions!).
• Downtown Santa Cruz is pretty fun in general, with a bunch of restaurants and fun shops! I'm especially fond of Atlantis Fantasyworld (our friendly local comic shop), Level Up (a lovely family-owned used/retro video game shop), Bookshop Santa Cruz (so many cool books!), and Streetlight Records (great local used music shop), but it's also fun to just poke around.
• Henry Cowell State Park is the local redwood park, and it's really breathtaking! The trees are CRAZY big, it really must be seen to be believed.

Feel free to hmu if you have questions or wanna hang out!! c:

 

Put it on a cloth first and then wipe, but yes. I use 70% to clean my phone all the time.

 

@Acey I'm not actually going until next year now due to current events but it would be SUPER AWESOME if we could meet up :D

 

Is there a way to code on AO3 for blacked-out text that has to be highlighted to be read?