And there you go. The stars have spoken.
PISCES: There are established rules about safety. Know which ones are there just so some asshole can't sue you.
AQUARIUS: It's not betrayal if you never liked them in the first place. Then it's just patience.
CAPRICORN: Leave the problems of others to them. No need to get involved. Well, maybe you can throw small objects at them as long as they don’t...
SAGITTARIUS: Make money at home! Become a counterfeiter!
SCORPIO: Any problem that can be solved with a nap is a good problem. Get lots of those.
LIBRA: Make your heart too big to break.
VIRGO: If you want something done right, do it with 200 friends and homemade Faraday cages.
LEO: Know how expensive a hammer to the temple can be. Know when this will benefit you.
CANCER: Oppression breeds resistance. Even a worm will become a large scale arms dealer when you fuck over their book club enough.
GEMINI: Some things simply must be done. Some things must simply be done armed.
TAURUS: Losing weight is not a purpose. Stealing weight, now there’s a fun idea.
ARIES: Your aggression is useful but is only effective when shepherded well. You are the humble guide to a flock of rage sheep.
It's that time, folks. Communion with the stars before things start exploding. Happy 4th and look out below for horoscopes.
Proper tinfoil hats require a grounding wire to carry the bad signals away to prevent contact. Otherwise, it just attracts ravens.
SURVEY: Where are they buried? You can tell us. We just want to know all of your secrets.
Oh, don't worry. The Void knows how to pen a very convincing, strongly worded notice. This is also not a metaphor.
@Aondeug The Void will write a note.
Today, you may fall into a bottomless pit. This is not a metaphor.
Friendship measured in time spent huddled together, cards pressed to outstretched palms, chanting "out of the earth, into the earth."
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