Yes, this is normal. But his demand isn't. There are two other things that are also normal. 1. After a breakup in which a lot of feelings got hurt, it's normal for even people who want to be friends afterwards to stop talking to each other for a while. It gives everyone a chance to cool down and work through their feelings. 2. You get to set boundaries too. If you say "I need to block you for a while so I don't keep getting angry and hurt," he doesn't get to decide that you're not allowed to do that. Everyone in a relationship has the right to walk away. If you don't, you're not a partner, you're a hostage. Ninja'd: yes, what Lissa said.
i don't feel...threatened? i'm sad and kind of frustrated but not threatened. he's not upset just that i left, he's upset because i left after promising not to almost right after he cut ties with a friend group and broke up with his other boyfriend. i don't think it was right of me to leave right after that and it makes sense that he feels hurt by that and doesn't want me to do it to him again. i don't want to tell him that i've been angry at him, i ok never mind in the middle of typing this he sent me nudes. i'm not creeped i just. don't understand. how does he feel about me? how am i supposed to feel about him? i don't understand what he wants!
He has no feelings about you at all. You're just a toy to him. He ordered you not to cut off contact even when you need space and you thought that was an acceptable demand from a friend. It isn't. He sent you nude pics you didn't ask for. That is not acceptable behavior. Nope. The best that can be said of him is that he hasn't physically attacked you. Yet.
If I had to guess: he wants to be broken up, but he also wants you to be his emotional crutch and give him things he wants (like money), so he sends these mixed ass signals to keep you providing the latter while also remaining broken up. Dude's an ass. Edit: Also, I also wouldn't be surprised if he offers to get back together with you later on in order to keep that sweet depended support coming, while not actually changing anything about his feelings about you.
He knows @gills has a dependency issue and is taking advantage of it. More than even your average predator would. He's the kind of guy your parents told you to spray mace at.
...i want him to go back to being mean to me because then i could be mad at him but now he's giving me attention and being nice to me and i cannot make myself be mad. i can't tell if i'm thinking more clearly when i'm mad at him or happy with him because both makes perfect sense while i'm thinking it. it seems completely ridiculous now to be mad at him and i am trying not to be mad in this thread because people are mad at him, that's my own fault for complaining.
Do not be happy with him. He will ask you for things, then tell you to go away when you give them. He is using you.
No - it is not your fault for complaining - you are right to complain. It is your DPD that is lying to you. He is NOT a good man - read back on this thread and see what he has done to you.
i don't want to read back over the thread. i can't believe i talked about him the way i have, i blew everything out of proportion and made him sound much worse than he is.
No. You gave details. Details are not "out of proportion" - they are just facts. Your DPD is lying to you now. You want to have him and you are telling yourself to ignore the bad things. Stop doing that. He IS bad for you right now. You need time away from him and he needs time away from you.
Unless you've been lying about his actions, then no, you didn't. Lissa is right, he's nice to you as long as he wants attention from you, but as soon as he finds someone else to give him that attention or you try and get attention from him, he'll be back to being distant and complaining about you being clingy. Please, gills, you don't have to fall at his feet every time he smiles at you. You deserve to be treated better.
When a person says they do not want you and then asks you for money they are using you. You are not "over reacting" when you feel offended - it is something to be offended by.
He said he doesn't love you romantically. He still doesn't. He just knows you love and depend on him and is going to milk that for all it's worth. Being nice doesn't change the fact he said doesn't love you. Did you lie about this, or do you just want to forget because he's being temporarily nice while he still wants shit from you? I mean, I understand your reaction to some degree, I've also gone back to people who were terrible for me and alternated between being nice and treating me like shit (while also demanding I don't go, though admittedly not in a romantic context), but... Yeah. That shit isn't healthy. His feelings haven't changed. He said he was moving on already, like less than a day after you broke up with him for not loving you (which is 100% reasonable, dude). I know it's hard, but really... try and not fall for this shit. You deserve better. Some distance would probably be best for the both of you.
Take some time - tell him you need time. Don't be offensive (although I don't think you could be in this phase :) ) just say you need some space and you can't give him money just now.
Are you dating my ex? Because this is weirdly similar - wr broke up on bad terms, then he broke up with his other boyfriend and came to me sadfacing about how hard his life was. Since our breakup was in part because he kept ditching me for other SO, it left me pissed off enough to just go "oh ok that sucks" and then ignore him. What he wants, as far as I can tell, is for you to fulfill his emotional and sexual needs while not being in a relationship, so when he finds someone else he can run off without feeling bad. You're reasonable to be mad. He's the one who said he doesn't love you and got over you after ten minutes of crying. He's the one who chose to break up with you and other boyfriend and his friend group at the same time, and then to make you feel guilty that now he's all alone.
A reasonable condition is "don't cut me off without letting me know so I don't worry that something happened to you." Saying that you're never allowed to need space alone is a big ole warning sign.
ok i'm back. i'm not ignoring all of you, i just haven't had time to respond. i didn't lie about anything, but you're really only getting one side of the story in this thread. i've been posting here after he did something that upset me. he has it in him to be really sweet and kind, i've seen it. he hasn't asked me for money today, and i didn't give him any yesterday. i'm hearing people say that he's using me and i'm probably just in denial but i don't want to believe that. he's been consistently nice today. he hasn't asked me for money again. we did do some sexual things but i said i was ok with it. the split with his friend group was sort of a mutual thing, none of them were getting along with him any more. the split with his boyfriend i try not to think about because that was one of the only things that really scared me. if i said "i need to be alone for a bit" that would be fine, he lets me do that. i just promised i wouldn't cut him off entirely again so he wouldn't have to go through feeling betrayed again.
ok. i've calmed down a little. i'm still not sure how i'm feeling but he hasn't been in touch since this morning edit: by "since this morning" i mean just a couple hours which is longer than i would like obviously but not long enough to make a call on whether it's significant or not.
I sort of wonder if his boyfriend and friendgroup didn't break it off with him. I'm not sure why he went from being sweet and supportive to this, but even if this is a legitimate downward spiral, that doesn't obligate anyone to be his punching bag, and he wants you to be that for him. I'm really sorry he's being such a user. You deserve better.
