Unfortunately I don't...think there's a way to go back to the way things used to be. Something like this is too big and heavy, it changes things pretty heavily. I don't think he knows what he wants, outside of to have you at his beck and call when he needs someone to hold his emotional baggage, and then stay in the background without needing anything from him at all. Which isn't a real relationship and you deserve better.
.........is it bad that he now seems to really want my attention and i feel smug because clearly he missed me more than he let on.
he's not talking about anything heavy. it feels like he's bringing up...light topic after light topic trying to find something that'll get a reaction out of me and i'm not giving him anything more than "oh, that sounds cool".
It's not bad, I don't think; it's pretty understandable given that you were hurting because he wasn't talking to you. Just be careful that you don't let it go from "he missed me more than he let on" to "getting back together is a great idea". I think Ruevian had the right idea here:
It's certainly unsurprising. As would him suddenly withdrawing the moment you actually try to engage with him outside of anything light and pleasant.
oh i'm not looking at him missing me more than he said in the sense of wanting to get back with him. i'm looking at it in a petty vindictive smug sense of....feeling like maybe i don't have to bend over backwards for his attention because he cannot in fact throw me away with no remorse. if i want his attention, that is. right now i could live without it.
Understandable. Maybe not the most charitable of feelings, but fuck it, I still maintain a little bit of spite is a healthy reaction this soon after a break up. Just remember that chances are high he only wants your attention because you're not giving it freely like usual.
i've kind of accepted that he's probably going to leave as soon as he's found someone else to give him attention. i'm going to dedicate myself in the meantime to trying to make some friends so i won't be left alone again when he does. ...posting here is helping actually. tbh i kind of had my reservations when joining here but y'all seem pretty cool.
That's a wonderful goal! Do the hobbies you like, talk to people, vent here whenever you need to get some outside perspective and heal. I'm glad posting here is helping, even a little. Also I always love seeing your kawaii shark icon.
@Ruevian your icon is delightfully spooky (even with the shades, which...i don't completely understand the kintsugi shades yet? i have not yet discovered their source) @emythos thank you!! your icon is good and makes me happy. can i ask if it is a mouse or a rat in your icon?
A mouse! He's my pet, his name is Arthur Conan Doyle, but everyone calls him Artie for short <3 he's the cutest lil fluffnugget.
@gills I keep forgetting that your icon has kawaii eyes and every time I rediscover it I am delighted all over again.
@emythos OH MY GOODNESS HE IS ADORABLE. i love mice and rats and yours is adorable. i want to get a pet rat sometime in the future :> @budgie kawaii-desu sharkchan thanks u for the compliment (...i actually have an intense passionate love for sharks do not let me talk about sharks because i will not stop. THEY'RE SO COOL)
oh, LOL, the shades thing was from another thread wherein we all just had an impromptu rave and it became all memetic and whatnot. I haven't changed it back yet because I am delighted by my plaguedoctor face ROCKING THE FUCK OUT. There's at least another person here who also things sharks are fuckin' aces, I think. There should be a shark thread maybe.
He is the CUTEST SQUISHY BABY AHHHHH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. you should DEF get a rat, they are cute lil smarties and their great. (sharks are so wonderful, please talk about them)
YES HE LOOKS ADORABLE. also rats are wonderful and i love them i just can't get one right now bc living situation. BUT THEY ARE SO GOOD. i think i will make a shark thread in a bit. sharks are so so good.
haha ok the sad is back. undo this please. (i only get sad when i start thinking about how he was earlier in the relationship before shit went south, when i felt completely safe with him and happier than i ever have in my life and. oh boy.)
It's okay to be sad. I know it feels awful, but it's part of the process of grieving for the end of a relationship. I promise it does get better with time. Which I know doesn't make you feel better now - sorry. *sends you internet hugs*
