Yeah, I was in the same sort of place last year. Then, I had a good day, and I was actually able to get to my school's mental health center, and they immediately put me on antidepressants. I don't feel like a lazy piece of shit now intrusive thoughts about suicide are pretty indicative of the type of clinical depression that responds well to medication. It's probably been draining your executive function for months or years prior to when you started to get intrusive thoughts. You're not lazy. You're effectively stuck with the brain of someone who has the flu, and even being to tell people here about it is incredible, all things considered! Check to make 100% sure your school doesn't have psychological services- it's actually in their best interests for you to get your degree and pay back your loans, so even the rattier schools sometimes do!
Im so happy it went well for you. Thats a really big step, and a hard one. If theres anything you can do for youself that feels good--cookies, or videogames, or anything that feels like a reward right now--then this is me saying you officially deserve it. Let me know when shes gotten back to you about your options, and we'll get you set up with someone who can help. You really dont have to feel like this, and its not a moral failing on your part that you do right now. You're being brave and strong and smart as hell with tackling this, ok?
She hasn't talked with me about this kinda stuff yet. It's probably my fault. I'm not easy to talk to. That's fine. I'm just. Worried. The whole family is kinda big on procrastination. I'm worried that if she doesn't get firm about it it'll be too easy for me to just give up and keep being like this forever. Sorry to bring this up again. I'm not feeling too great today.
It's not fair of me to put that on her, I'm being a jerk about this. I'm an adult, I can do it myself.
I think its a reasonable request. Did you attach a deadline to it--i want to call someone by monday, have you got a list for me? That helps some people deal with procrastinating. Or possible she doesnt realize this is an emergency kind of situation--depression makes people underplay how serious their situation is a lot and people who have never dealt with it might not understand the difference between "i think id like to talk to a dr at some point could you help me out with that" and "i am at life-threatening levels of this disease, please assist me in getting medical care asap." You often have to kind of spell it out for people (and btw if you want to straight up c/p the lines im saying, you're welcome to do so. Ive had to do that with my husband in a similar "but what do i tell them" kind of situation and i found it helpful). Or you might have to ask someone else, which sucks but is a thing. Its ok to need help, and im super proud of you for reaching out and asking for it, because thats not an easy thing. If you have to do it a second time i know you can.
Hey! I just wanna say, I'm in the same place now but people know and I'm in therapy. I'm also on medication, but the thoughts still do surge up semi-regularly. I completely understanding feeling humiliated and powerless about having to talk about this, having to ask for help. This is absolutely... like, it's absolutely a sickness, it's absolutely something everything who has it needs help with, you are not weak, you are not giving up by getting help. But at the same time... it's frightening, and it's really easy to go 'this is too scary, I can't tell anyone, I need to do this on my own'. And then, it's also hard because society has a tendency to downplay this issue and this illness so that plays into it. I'm proud that you're working on getting help, and I hope it all goes well for you. I just mostly wanted to say, I understand what you're feeling and I don't think it's stupid at all!
Remembered this thread. Wanted to thank all y'all who helped out. I'm seeing a therapist now. She's. Not my favorite person. But I'm giving her at least two more sessions before I decide if I wanna find someone else. Cause it's probably just me being a dingle dumb. Also saw a med lady, who was also not my favorite, and she gave me a prescription for anxiety meds. Gonna see how that works out. Haven't had suicidal thoughts for over a month now, so. Regardless of how this venture ends up, that's probably a good thing. Anyways, thanks for talking at me.
Okay, so. Therapist has suggested I take a "personality test" Psychiatrist has already spilled that they're thinking I might be autistic. Is it ok to be wary that therapist keeps edging around the subject without stating her suspicions outright? Can I tell her that it bothers me?
She's trying to help, and i should suck it up and let her, shouldn't make a big deal of it, she has her reasons, I'm some random idiot who doesn't know anything about mental health. I feel nauseous.
yeah, and my point is that she can't help you if you don't let her know what's wrong. what's wrong there is that you're uncomfortable and you can speak up about it. you know yourself. you know yourself very well. just because you don't have a fancy degree doesn't mean you can't tell someone that a behavior they're exhibiting towards you makes you uncomfy.
For what it's worth, it IS worth bringing up, but it's possible the reason she's not stating it outright is because she doesn't want to influence your answers in any direction. My therapist did something similar, though she was definitely more helpful about it. Basically stating outright before she did it that the reason she wouldn't tell me what the test was was because knowing what the test is can cause some slight bias in your answers. Same deal with various other tests she did. It didn't really work since I've done similar tests online and could recognise what the questions were trying to go for, but eh. It's a thing. Hopefully that helps? But yeah, backing up everyone else, it's absolutely worth bringing up, she's paid to take that sort of feedback. Being comfortable around your therapist is important.
yeah, a therapist isn't usually here to tell you what you are, they mostly lead you to tell yourself. i mean taking a formal test is a different thing, and it's i guess possible that she has her own bias that means she's refusing to deal with it fairly, but i think it's more likely that like hobo said she may think it would biase you ahead of time if she tells you her conclusions like this. at the same time she also needs to know that her attitude is backfiring. really, really, really needs to know. "when you won't tell me what you think of X it makes me think that Y and then i feel Z" is a good template to let her know what's going on in her mind and show that you are requiring information and if she has it she should give it, where the information is her own reasoning on the way she's been handling you. it's going to be a problem if your feeling is allowed to fester, because if you don't trust a therapist and think they're refusing to deal with you as you are, this whole experience is going to be counterproductive as hell. if it turns out that she has her own bias that clashes with your treatment then you should be able to ask for a referral to someone else who will work out better for you.
