Last Activity:: Jul 7, 2019

Joined:: Jul 31, 2016

Messages:: 408

Trophy Points:: 93

Positive ratings received:: 2,171

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Gender (optional):: Female

Birthday:: November 7

Home Page:: http://engagethrusters.tumblr.com

Location:: Oregon

Occupation:: Perpetually Exhausted Pidgeon

Jove

[ destination defenestration ], Female, from Oregon

It's that time, folks. Communion with the stars before things start exploding. Happy 4th and look out below for horoscopes. Jul 4, 2019

Jove was last seen:: Jul 7, 2019

1. Jove
  ADVERTISEMENT: Some items simply cannot be contained. Jansport makes no promises, but we will try our best. We can only try our best.
  
  Oct 26, 2018
  1. vuatson, Everett, kmoss and 6 others like this.
2. Jove
  We hope you're always moving toward your better self, and when you find them, that you don't do anything as violent as what you described.
  
  Oct 24, 2018
  1. palindromordnilap, Jean, Verily and 4 others like this.
3. Jove
  Rows of pikes, upon which several thousand computer mice have been impaled. This is trackball country.
  
  Oct 24, 2018
  1. Everett, Nobody's Home, Jean and 5 others like this.
  2. Verily
    Please watch your step.
    
    Oct 24, 2018
    
    Jean, Jove and Artemis like this.
  3. Artemis
    The most horrifying status yet
    
    Oct 24, 2018
    
    Verily, Jean and Jove like this.
  4. Jove
    You'll have to pry my trackball from my cold dead hands.
    
    Oct 24, 2018
    
    Verily, Artemis and Jean like this.
4. Jove
  Applicants at the state exam will be tested until they are broken. Whatever manages to emerge will carry a license to transact insurance.
  
  Oct 22, 2018
  1. vuatson, Verily, chthonicfatigue and 3 others like this.
5. Jove
  The "deep web" wasn't what I expected. Just a dark pit full of webs and deadly spiders. 0/10, would not visit again.
  
  Oct 22, 2018
  1. goldenflowertea, NevermorePoe, tickingnectarine and 9 others like this.
  2. View previous comments...
  3. Paradigm Shift
    I think you went to Australia on accident my friend
    
    Oct 22, 2018
    
    goldenflowertea, Artemis, Jean and 5 others like this.
  4. Verily
    Next time someone asks me if I want to link up with the deep web, I won’t talk logistics. I’ll just come right out and admit I’m afraid of spiders. Maybe that will convince them I truly don’t have the capacity.
    
    Oct 22, 2018
    
    palindromordnilap, NevermorePoe, Acey and 2 others like this.
  5. Jove
    Or Texas.
    
    Oct 22, 2018
    
    palindromordnilap, Deresto, Acey and 2 others like this.
6. Jove
  Boneschooling replaces homeschooling as the most efficient teaching method. Burn your textbooks, teach via the intricacies of spinal cords.
  
  Oct 20, 2018
  1. palindromordnilap, Verily, Corvus and 6 others like this.
  2. Verily
    Librarians remain ambivalent. People won’t stop burning books but at least they’re reading. After a fashion.
    
    Oct 22, 2018
    
    palindromordnilap, Acey and Jove like this.
7. Jove
  You take one last look at the sun before closing the bunker doors forever. The Earth belongs to iOS 12 now.
  
  Oct 19, 2018
  1. chthonicfatigue, Jean, Verily and 1 other person like this.
8. Jove
  Stay tuned for our next broadcast: 20 Minutes of Dark Secrets You Thought You'd Hidden.
  
  Oct 18, 2018
  1. Deresto, witchknights, Everett and 4 others like this.
  2. chthonicfatigue
    Oh, it's a repeat.
    
    Oct 19, 2018
    
    Acey and Jove like this.
9. Jove
  For support, please press 1. For voluntary termination, press 2. For immediate termination, press the receiver to your mouth and scream.
  
  Oct 18, 2018
  1. Erica, Verily, Jean and 1 other person like this.
  2. Artemis
    What are we terminating? It is a mystery. It is a surprise! Begin the screaming.
    
    Oct 18, 2018
    
    Erica, Jean, Jove and 1 other person like this.
10. Jove
  @Birdy I happen to still occasionally go mudding.
  
  Oct 17, 2018
  1. Birdy likes this.
11. Jove
  Like this if the slow, gradual process by which the universe will eventually decay into total entropy brought you here.
  
  Oct 16, 2018
  1. TheSeer, palindromordnilap, witchknights and 8 others like this.
12. Jove
  To err is human, to forgive is something else entirely. That's why you had to do it. You should wash the blood off.
  
  Oct 16, 2018
  1. palindromordnilap, Verily, shmeed and 8 others like this.
13. Jove
  How to Break Hearts and Other Vital Organs: A Visual Guide
  
  Oct 13, 2018
  1. palindromordnilap, Deresto, Jean and 3 others like this.
  2. Acey
    i would like to preorder a copy, who would i contact about this?
    
    Oct 13, 2018
    
    Deresto, Jean, Lazarae and 2 others like this.
  3. Jove
    Approach your local blood circle and cast your written order into the abyss therein. We'll find you.
    
    Oct 13, 2018
    
    Deresto, Jean, Lazarae and 2 others like this.
  4. Acey
    thanks! i’ll do that as soon as the blood circle opens tomorrow.
    
    Oct 14, 2018
    
    Deresto, Jean, Lazarae and 2 others like this.
14. Jove
  How to Escape the Cage, Even if What's Outside is Much, Much Worse: A Visual Guide
  
  Oct 13, 2018
  1. palindromordnilap, devils-avocado, Verily and 2 others like this.
  2. devils-avocado
    thanks, I hate it
    
    Oct 13, 2018
    
    Artemis likes this.
  3. tickingnectarine
    Coming out of your cage, and you won’t be doing very well at all
    
    Oct 13, 2018
    
    Deresto and devils-avocado like this.
15. Jove
  You are worthy. Your existence is valid. You are keeping pace with our car no matter how fast we go, and it's kind of freaking us out.
  
  Oct 10, 2018
  1. warehawker, Deresto, sirsparklepants and 9 others like this.
  2. Gee
    :0
    
    Oct 10, 2018
16. Jove
  Spotify's "discover weekly" playlist contains over two hours of deeply personal truths too difficult to confront in daily life.
  
  Oct 8, 2018
  1. Verily, iff, Alaspooralice and 4 others like this.
  2. Morgan Jae
    damn mine just has covers of homestuck songs
    
    Oct 8, 2018
    
    Verily, Everett and Jove like this.
  3. Charlie
    This made me listen to mine and it's really nice, thanks
    
    Oct 9, 2018
    
    Verily and Jove like this.
  4. Artemis
    #accurate
    
    Oct 9, 2018
    
    Verily and Morgan Jae like this.
17. Jove
  My body is a temple-- ancient, crumbling, probably cursed, and filled with unspeakable horror.
  
  Oct 7, 2018
  1. palindromordnilap, Verily, Misty Pond and 2 others like this.
18. Jove
  It’s great that you have a 5 year plan, but maybe 4 of the 5 years shouldn’t be “scream repeatedly into the void”.
  
  Oct 3, 2018
  1. Verily, ChelG and Acey like this.
  2. Acey
    well damn, guess i should rethink mine
    
    Oct 3, 2018
    
    Verily and Artemis like this.
19. Jove
  Here at Ducks Unlimited we fear things may have gone too far. Please stop donating. The ducks have the upper hand.
  
  Jun 5, 2018
  1. Everett, Verily, devils-avocado and 3 others like this.
  2. Verily
    Dr. Kher was right. There was a duck limit. If only we’d listened. If only she hadn’t insisted on recapping the entire Austin Powers series to illustrate her point. I have so many quibbles with her character interpretations, though her comic timing is admirable. Pass the duck wand, I hear quacking in the plenum space.
    
    Jun 6, 2018
    
    Acey and Morgan Jae like this.
20. Jove
  If there’re noises inside your Kenmore Pro Oven, please ignore them. No matter what you’re being offered, please ignore your oven.
  
  Jun 3, 2018
  1. Morgan Jae, Verily, Everett and 2 others like this.
  2. Acey
    hello, kenmore customer service? my oven is on fire, should i still ignore it?
    
    Jun 3, 2018
    
    Verily, ChelG and Jove like this.
  3. Verily
    ..Or is the Kenmore Pro engulfed in flames or is it just me? I tried the Talking Heads method, fighting fire with fire. Turns out Burning Down the House was an accurate song title.
    
    Jun 5, 2018
    
    Jove and Acey like this.
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About

Gender (optional):

Female

Birthday:

November 7

Home Page:

http://engagethrusters.tumblr.com

Location:

Oregon

Occupation:

Perpetually Exhausted Pidgeon

Gender Identity:

female

I'm Jove. Scorpio. Lover of all things tea, coffee and squid. Soft on the outside, heavy metal on the inside. Deeply in love. 90% puns, 10% everyone's mom. And could you please help me find my keys? I swear I had them just two seconds ago.

ALERT! All of my status updates are satirical fiction, and in no way literal— if something still offends you, PM me or comment directly.

Feel free to PM me or hit me up on Discord at jove#9767 for absolutely any reason, at any time. (Just let me know you’re from Kintsugi in Discord!)
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she/her — jove#9767 @ discord
vent thread • a guide to dark places

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