Okay here goes: I was diagnosed with depression in '97, bipolar disorder type II in 2001, schizophrenia, and panic disorder shortly thereafter. I have always been claustrophobic, and now am agoraphobic, both are mild and situational. In this time I have had 5 different doctors, and each doctor has had different ideas about how to treat me, and they all have pet drugs. I have been on, paxil, welbutrin, remeron, risperdal, lithium, seroquel, depakote, klonopin, abilify, trazadone, viibryd, and rexulti. I think that's all but I might have missed one or two. My symptoms: Auditory and sometimes visual hallucinations, mostly controlled by meds, I have one voice that never shuts up, he keeps a running commentary of everything I do, how it's wrong and stupid, and uses the foulest language possible while doing so. I still cycle from high to low and back on a regular basis, all the meds seem to do is help smooth them out a bit, the highs are lower, the lows are a bit higher. I have yet to find a specific trigger for the panic attacks, they seeming hit at random. I only get claustrophobic when restrained in any way, and when I can't feel fresh air on my face. That makes using a CPAP problematic. The agoraphobia only seems to affect me when I'm in a crowd, single people don't set it off, the faceless masses do. I can flash into totally unreasonable anger, but that's rare these days. Finally, I sometimes get the urge to cut myself, once I see my own blood the urge fades. The only reason I don't do this one more often is the way it effects the people in my life. Stress is my biggest problem, stress makes everything so much worse. I spend a lot of time managing stress. These are at the "life ruining" stage, and have been for a long time. I can do basic tasks, care for myself, clean house, even shop, and see my doctors, but a 9 to 5 is right out. And I'll probably never to to a concert or movie ever again. I tried going back to school and didn't last a day. Current psyc meds: Seroquel, depakote, viibryd, rexulti, trazadone, and klonopin. Note: lithium was very effective, but can no longer take it due to decreased kidney function. So, questions, ideas, suggestions? I am open and willing to talk..
