I'm on my 3rd day of taking Strattera, and I'm still not completely sold on the idea that I actually have it rather than just being, say, pretty sucky at applying myself or finishing anything ever. Every once in a while I'll get myself amped up about how much more I could get done (baseline about 10% of activities necessary for continued life. I can't shower to save my life, but if someone puts work in front of me and it means I can continue to buy expensive coffees and vegetate in my house the rest of the time I'll ponderously switch back and forth between work and Gemcraft every half hour until it's done-ish.) Anyway, you guys are basically the reason it even occurred to me to look for help. I guess my question is, what does medicated (or normal) attention feel like? I get the impression that you still mean to do things, but they somehow just magically get done, but I'm really curious for more details, especially from peeps that've been in both states and con compare.
Just another thought, but I want to add how frustrating it is to realize that if I'd just had the good sense to break down and fail at life early enough, I might actually have gotten help. I've been thinking about things I've actually gotten done, and one of the things I've always been praised for is how fast I am at putting out art. That always confused me, because if you don't steamroll yourself through to the finish line... how does it get done? What are you doing in between? Idunno, just thinky thoughts.
I don't have ADD. (I do have some executive function issues, esp with task initation). My wife, however, does. This is my (possibly not terribly helpful) summary of the difference of what I've noticed in our attention abilities. If I'm not tired or otherwise under some kind of abnormal brain influence, it is 75% of the time very easy for me to focus on a single task or rotating set of 2-4 tasks. If I make a to-do list for my day, about half of it gets done (I'm still pretty bad at overestimating the amount of energy I have.) The main thing I notice about my wife is that on her worst days, she is either hyperfocused and it's impossible for me to tear her attention away from whatever she's doing, or it's literally impossible for her to stick to a task/pay attention through a conversation enough for it to make sense/finish something she started. Better days are where she gets some stuff done, but is fighting back against those tendencies and spending a lot of time and energy to do so. She's not on any medications for her ADD. Did that help at all? I'm okay with answering more specific questions if I can.
@Kit, it does, thank you! I can rotate tasks, but for instance if I'm editing files or formatting images for work, I'll start and stop my timer every 15-25 minutes because my attention just disappears, and I can basically decide to stare blankly and think about something else, pace back and forth through my house, or play a game that takes my entire focus (for probably about 20 minutes) It would be 10 hours after I started working, but I'd clock at best 5-6 because so much time is taken up with attention breaks. When someone goes on at length, somewhere in the middle I'll sort of zone out, but I'm pretty good at looking like I'm still there. I don't really have a problem finishing short tasks <1hr, maaaaybe 2 if it's something I'm super specially interested in, but I can't go back to them once I'm done. It's like my brain's decided that the task is Offically Crossed Off, even if no, I just couldn't focus anymore and stopped. Do either of you get that, or is it just kind of wandering off in the middle of an activity?
screams, that me. If my attention goes fail I usually sit there and stare at the task for a bit until it occurs to me that I will not get anything done (attention so bad I don't even notice when my attention is failing, lmao), which will be the point where I will tell myself 'I will finish this later', wander off to do something else and completely forget about the task I didn't finish. I have started not packing up unfinished crafts and stuff to remind myself of their existence. It works sometimes but also means my living space tends towards cluttering. blegh. (disclaimer I don't have diagnosed add or adhd but I definitly have wonky attention wiring and exec. function problems.)
I have diagnosed ADHD and am on medication, and no, it doesn't act as a magic 'get things done' switch. Instead, it makes it easier to build better habits because I can focus without my attention scattering everywhere all the time, and I have a somewhat better ability to shift focus, but I have to be careful where I direct my attention as the pill kicks in, because whatever I'm focused on in that first half an hour to an hour is going to hold my attention for the most part of the day. It doesn't have to be a specific task, it can be a general 'kind' of thing, but it's going to happen. This was great when I was working, because I'd get up, get ready for work, have my pill, go to work, and by the time I got there the pill would be kicking in just in time for me to enter Work Mode. Now that I'm a shiftless layabout, if I don't take care to focus on something useful first thing, I will spend all day on the Internet or games - but instead of drifting about like I do when I haven't had my meds in quite a while, I get really focused on Internet stuff. For various reasons (like a bad brain event that wiped out most of my coping skills some years ago) I'm still learning to build up good habits even though I've had this prescription for a few years, but learning that putting myself in the mode of what I want to focus on immediately after I take my pill is important has done me a lot of good. Like, recently I started opening up a story-in-progress and writing immediately after I get on the computer - no checking email or tumblr or anything, just immediately to the writing - and I've found out that it actually works, and days I take my meds reinforce that a lot.
