Spoilers! It's fucking annoying. I get it, okay. You're too tired and stressed out for normal people affection, and I look cute/sexy when I'm angry and it's funny to get me riled up. I know you think I look cute/sexy when I'm angry. I enjoy being seen as cute/sexy and making you laugh. Therefore: Being deliberately obnoxious is a low-effort way to make me feel cute/sexy and get a good laugh. Except then I'm also constantly cheesed off at you and don't want to be around you. How the fuck do I deal with this?
The distinction I make is between actual-annoy and funny-annoy. So, rorleuaisen and I annoy each other constantly. It's a running joke. We do it on purpose. BUT. The moment either of us expresses actual discomfort, that means it's time to not do that thing anymore.
Unfortunately when I make the point of "Okay seriously knock it off" he's either 1) "I'm just playing!" Yes, I know, but you're still an ass. Or 2) Sad sulky puppy because I spoiled his fun and he realized he's being an ass and he feels bad. This results in me apologizing because he feels bad and my brain bees can't let that happen.
Well, that sorta boils it down to a) making it clear to him that he is being an asshole because boundaries are a thing and he is clearly not respecting them, b) annoy him back. If you can successfully annoy him on a playful level(acceptable annoyance) and on a disrespectful level(unacceptable annoyance) you can probably teach him the difference and get him to apply it to you, c) have a script for when you feel the need to apologize for his feelings. Things like "I know you weren't trying to hurt me but you were really annoying me and I needed you to stop. Thank you for stopping. [some sort of "we are still on good terms and please listen sooner next time], d) remove him from your life, e) get used to being annoyed. Get an outlet of some kind. Plot revenge. What ever works for you. Eta: one of the reasons me and Seebs have a successful annoying relationship is we both have distinct "nopes". We have weaknesses that we trust eachother to respect and understand that they are distinctly undesirable. Words are sorta awkward and don't work some times so we will actually indicate "no seriously stop" by indicating action towards "nope" zones. Sometimes this is done verbally, sometimes physically. But basically, we hold eachother hostage and this creates an equality. This guy looks to be overpowering you because you have no way to level the playing field and say no. If you manage to level the playing field and he feels threatened, then he is in it for the power, not the play.
So. Couple days later, things are back to normal and he's considerably less of an ass. I think part of it may have been cabin fever? He'd been on leave for 2wks and had basically no socialization so all his needling was aimed at me. Normally a non-reaction works just dandy to get him to knock it off but two solid weeks was wearing down my wall. He's back with his co-workers with similar senses of humor now so it's diffused before he gets home. I don't want to bring it up again when it's not immediately a problem because I'm conflict-avoidant but I will definitely be setting some hard limits. And working on "It's okay if he's in a bad mood because of something HE did, he's not your mother, calm your tits and go play with the dogs."
Small bit of advice: I find it easier to talk to some one about a problem while a) not immediately in the problem because emotions tend to be high or just frazzled, and b) during/after a meal. Being hungry tends to make people a little short, so having food in both of your bellies should help put you two in an agreeable mood. Best of luck and I hope things go well.
