I feel angry and upset, tightened until the clock spring is broken, feel like I have a ton to do and need to do it, but can't can't CAN'T seem to drag up willpower to stand up in do them. Instead I'm curled up on my bed crying and hating everything. I feel pathetic and gross and wimpy, like by admitting there's a problem I admit that I'm worthless and drama and unpleasant. But clearly pretending I'm not feeling that way is doing jackshit. I'm feeling incredibly self-destructive, a kind of claw-one's-eyes-out frustration level, like your skin is filled with breadcrumbs and ants, but lack any energy to go beyond any clawing. It feels like sitting listening to people fight, only it's in your head, and you can't pull away from it. Any identification? This has happened before, but I've never really gotten a name for it. How do I make it stop? I've never really been able to make it stop, mostly just like slept it off or spent several hours being sick, but any advice right now would be deeply appreciated. Even just hearing this happens to other people would be nice, so I don't feel so broken and clearly not fit for human presence.
ok so fun fact you might be me (I'm so sorry) I get the awful antskin thing less so paired with crying, but definitely paired with a kind of helpless anger, like really pissed off shark in a cage anger. I think it might be the way I process anxiety actually, but I am not sure. I have noticed that if I can get to either my art supplies or video game, it helps a little. showering does too, if you can do the thing. at any rate, yeah you aren't alone in that
Oh, pissed off shark in a cage, that is a good description. Like the crying almost isn't sadness crying, it's like.....muted rage/frustration crying. And I was actually digging through boxes (We moved recently, and haven't quite completely unpacked) trying to find my stylus so I could paint some, and maybe vomit feelings at the canvas till they stopped making me sick, but can't find stylus. ........Maybe video game time.....
yeah for me, I just do things until I have to sleep because I end up with all this energy that I don't know what to do with, so I mean I organized my books once off of this, and I've packed off of this before (unpacking is like twelve times worse than packing, imho) but art and video games work the best hope it works! good luck and rock on dude
