Where exactly does the line draw between intentionally seeking attention in an unhealthy way and trying to express emotions to / communicate with someone when emotionally unsound?
For me, it's all about recognizing my own intent, and then questioning why I have that motivation in the first place. I ask myself 'why' until I get to the root of my issue, and decide on a course of action from there. An example: I have been heavily depressed over the past few days and also felt stirrings of a fear of abandonment from my close friend group. I worried about being somehow replaced. If I couldn't be 'useful', then no-one would have any reason to talk to me. With that comes the strong urge to 'test' my friends, to lay down bait for them to 'prove' they really care. Such tests could manifest as vagueblogs on tumblr, or code-switching to see if it is noticed. I recognize that these are unhealthy urges bought about by my mental illness, and try to stop myself from doing the unhealthy thing by asking why I'm feeling that way in the first place, and what I ultimately want from the actions I was considering. In this example, something had happened in my life which made me question my own value as a person. I had therefore concluded that if I was doing that, so were all my friends. As a result I grew paranoid and concerned that they were only pretending to enjoy my company, which is when the urge to 'test' them reared its head. Once I worked that out, it was a fairly simple matter to calm myself down. From there, I considered what I wanted: Reassurance that the people I care about also care about me. I'm not quite at the level yet where I can just outright say this. I still had to work around the words I actually wanted to use, by talking through my realization about my motivation. But I am getting there, and sometimes I can just communicate my needs in the most straightforward way. I hope that made sense.
