I think I am finally starting to believe in my own lack of spoons. Um. I mean just...before I kind of subconsciously didn't, even as I would plan for it? Like ordering lists of things to do from most important to least, because who knows if I'd have enough energy to actually finish the whole list, something was bound to happy. And like packing a ton of stuff for time periods where I'd be stuck someplace other than home, a sort of emergency pack for mental health stuff, stuff to zone out from the world when stimulation got too much, water bottles, different kinds of entertainment to supply different needs, headphones and music to shut things out. And so I was planning for the expected spoon loss, but not actually....acknowledging it? Even though I was experiencing it. And now something appears to have clicked over, and suddenly I am aware that yes, I really do have a lower amount of spoons for stuff, especially in comparison to my family. For a long time I always felt like I was lying, even though I was describing truthfully my days and what I was able to get done, and I guess that was part of it, cause I didn't even believe it myself. Possibly partially because my family is just. So allistic and have tons of spoons, to the point they kind of have trouble believing anybody could have trouble with low spoons? So I guess what I'm asking is is this normal? How do you convince people that you really can't handle stuff after a while? That it's not laziness, but that you really are out of energy for a thing? I feel that if I am aware of it, I should start planning for it and acknowledging it in ways beyond the mild preparation I was doing, which, admittedly, includes convincing my family that it is a thing. (Sorry for any weird phrasing right now. I have both a desire to talk and ask about this, and a feeling like the words just refuse to line up and come out straight.)
Something that helped me was linking my family to the tumblr post about spoon theory. Once my dad read that he totally understood me and my spoon stuff. But I was blessed with a super supportive father. I don't know what your family situation is like. Can you have an open and honest conversation with your family? Is it safe to talk about your mental health issues with them?
