okay I don't really know how to begin this because forming coherent sentences is v hard right now so I'll just leave this here and then edit it when I feel more like a human and less like drain sludge either way I should have left for a lecture/seminar by now but I haven't because all I want to do is sleep for a century and cry and just getting up to take my thyroid pills was exhausting and it's been like that for, what, the past week? maybe more? time is meaningless? (and also it would mean having to try and pretend like I can read academic writing when dear god I absolutely can't) also I got pushed into seeing the uni counselling and stuff but there's a waiting list till march lmfao the best part is that i cant tell if this is an honest problem or me being a lazy ass because there are things I could be doing that I -want- to do but none of them align with what I'm -supposed- to be doing so, yay, I guess
I don't have a whole lot to say here except that this really doesn't sound like laziness, and sounds a hell of a lot like depression. If you have any spoons at all, I would absolutely suggest shooting your prof an email consisting of "Having issues with depression, can't get into therapy until march, please bear with me until then", because in my history usually profs are pretty decent about that I know it's difficult, but basically the first step in most tasks should be to get yourself in a mental place where you can Do the Task first, so if you have anything you use to make yourself feel, well, almost human, consider doing that before you worry too much about not getting stuff done. (though obviously, telling someone to quit worrying is the most useless thing in the world)
my course tutor knows, kind of, though tbh whenever he tries to talk to me abt it I end up feeling worse bc he'll say something like, the only person you're disappointing is yourself, and things like that (the current problem is one of the classes we Have to take, which is all about reading/analysing academic writing, which I've always had trouble with but especially now because parsing all that shit feels like rollerskating up everest or something, and that I've already failed to submit a thing for because of this) (sent the guy an email too, only he hasn't replied) (hellfire.png) idk I want to try get things back on smth resembling a track but who knows how that'll turn out
your course tutor sounds like he doesn't understand how depression works at all. like my dad telling me that happiness is a choice, or mom telling me to try yoga. true, they think it's helpful, but it could be actively harmful ....not to be a list pusher, but at my worst, making lists is fucking amazing. it's doing things and being productive, without spending too many spoons (for me at least).
Okay, so I am assuming these thyroid pills are for a thyroid that is not working well enough? Because in that case, I think the first thing you need to do is get your ass to your GP/endocrinologist/whoever prescribes your meds to get your thyroid levels checked! Low thyroid can definitely mask as a depression, as well as producing a million other symptoms (that I probably don't have to tell you about). If this is the case adjusting your meds can make you feel better :)
I have pcos. hence the meds. the problem with that is that a) adjusting has done nothing in the past, b) I'm pretty sure this is a bit too severe to count as a symptom, and c) its very hard to care about one's own health when existing sucks sometimes. also general update; dude still hasn't replied to email. kind of less sucky now bc I managed to get me making a webcomic to be an approved method of getting credit, but now I also have finding a new flat to worry about. joy.
