My brain is Problematic and here's why: I have only been at uni for two weeks I already have no spoons (ok I have spoons but like, I don't have enough and I think I keep waking up exhausted because I have to cut into my next day's supply of spoons to function) My assignments aren’t even too stressful atm, honestly brain why are you panicking I only am working like 12 hours a week??? And 6 of those are babysitting where I just kinda sit there and make sure the kids do their homework and don't injure themselves while playing. I should not be this exhausted I guess when you factor how long I'm at uni into everything maybe I am working a lot, BUT STILL!!! THIS IS A NORMAL AMOUNT OF TIME TO BE DOING THINGS!!! STOP BEING EXHAUSTED!!! Brain is expressing a desire for self-harm that is totally unwarranted (I haven't acted on anything except for involuntarily whapping myself in the head which I stop as soon as I realise I'm doing it and scold my hands) Brain is telling me that everything is terrible when there is substantial evidence to the contrary Brain has decided that throwing paranoid thoughts into the mix is a good idea (no, people on the bus who are checking their phones are not taking photos of you to send to sex traffickers, stop it. No, that man on the bus who looked at you and then called someone on his phone is not telling the Bad People your location so they can kidnap you. No, that old man who was staring at you was not going to kidnap you or send your location to Bad People. No, those men standing by a car outside the library were not there to kidnap you. No, the woman you babysit for has not sold you to the Russian mafia. STOP IT YOU ARE BEING IRRATIONAL YOU IDIOT OH MY GOD CHLL THE FUCK OUT FOR 10 MINUTES) Brain has decided that rejuvenating the shrivelled husk of my OCD is a good idea (possibly why stupid dumb paranoid thoughts?) Brain has decided that I don’t need social skills (why would I want to talk to people normally and communicate clearly anyway) Brain has decided that becoming quickly exhausted from sensory input is a good idea Brain is getting easily stressed out by minor conflicts Only good things brain has done: Actually goes to sleep within a reasonable time frame and stays asleep until it is time to wake up Continues to generally function okay despite above fuck ups Course of action: Scream into the void and listen to calming piano music, probably If you need more info on particular points of why my brain is Problematic, please feel free to inquire below. Is it inquire or enquire. Why does English. #does this count as shitposting #shitposts about my brain #i was going to post it on tumblr but I decided to post this somewhere where I might actually get useful feedback
Sounds like you're working longer hours than you're giving yourself credit for. At the risk of being a dick, could the massive spoon drain be due to settling into the new routine? Like when you get a new job, yanno, and basically die for about three weeks, and then get used to it.
Yeah, that is probably true... I have one 11 hour day at uni a week because the timetabling people are assholes, apparently (it's actually like... 13.5 hours when I factor in travel time as well. Whee). I just feel stupid for complaining because I know people who go to uni full time and work like 20-25 hours a week PLUS they go out and socialise as well and they seem to be doing fine and I'm like, "Help I'm doing a minimal amount of work and I have no social life but I'm still a ball of exhaustion," which sounds pathetic when other people are working so much harder than me. #insert reminder that I'm autistic and mentally ill #insert reminder that I can't tell how other people are feeling so saying that they seem fine is useless #insert reminder that I can't compare myself to others #insert me still feeling bad for not being able to work as hard as other people You don't sound like a dick at all! That might be it. I hope that's it .-. I have the same job but my schedule is different every semester (I work at my uni) so I guess I am probably still getting used to that. I hope I will feel better soon, then nwn;
Also, since you have mentioned it in other threads, could Not Literally A Bird's move to England have an effect on this? Which is not something that can be fixed, but if you have less support than you used to have, that might affect it too?
Thaaat might also be it yes nwn; During semester time we normally only see each other on the weekend anyway, and it hasn't even been a week yet since he left so even though I know logically I can't see him for awhile, like emotionally it feels normal??? But maybe it is affecting me and I'm not realising but I'm having the physical symptoms of the emotions. So yeah, that might also be it!
So sounds like you're working really hard in several different areas of your life (including working really hard telling your brain to chill out) and are TIRED AS HECK. But you also sound like you're taking care of yourself and keeping your head above water, and I am really impressed by your fortitude! I hope life starts feeling less exhausting soon, but in the meantime I think you should feel proud of your own perseverance. #13.5 hour day #cries a bit inside
The best compliment I've ever gotten was, "You get really anxious and panic about doing things, but then you do them anyway," so I think if maybe I keep remembering, "You are freaking out but you can Do The Thing," then I will hopefully be okay nwn; So um yes! I am glad you think I have perseverance! That makes me feel better somehow. Thank you for your kind message! #I have 3 hours of class #then I have an hour off #then I go to a 2 hour shift at my notetaking job #then I have another 3 hours off #and then I have 2 hours of class #uni is suffering
Wait jesus heck a 11 hour day? I was wiped when I had 8.30 to 17.15 school days and I wasn't even tutoring. jeez.
YEP. My entire 6PM class has the same length day (some of my classmates have 11 hour days twice a week, the poor sods) and we're all like, "Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy," by the time we gather for our last class. I get a lot of uni work done in the longass break, so that's okay, I guess.
Also, I am allistic and generally managed to social fairly acceptably even back in 2011 when I had such hours. *pets you*
we should have a brain call out megathread. My brain is problematic as fuck and it's about time someone called it out on it's bullshit. also holy crap you are doing a lot of work! I admire you.
It sounds to me like you're doing a heck of a lot :) Which is admirable! I would not be able to function if I had to do an eleven hour day, nope. However, do you have time to yourself where you don't have to do anything at all that you have to, and can do only stuff you want to do? Have you given yourself permission to have time like that? I know that I really need time like that to be able to function :)
I will forever be convinced that allistics have superpowers. Energy to do things??? Social lives??? The ability to read facial expressions and body language??? Amazing! (I promise I'm not being facetious. When I got diagnosed and realised how many things my brain is actually incapable of picking up and understanding, I felt thoroughly impressed that allistics could do those things.) That is an excellent idea! Has your brain been problematic lately? Tell us all about it! Oh gosh! Thank you! Haha last year in first semester I also had an 11 hour day, and I was at uni 3 days a week and I worked in a shop the other 4 days and I even though I stopped working there after first semester because the store closed down, I was an exhausted zombie for the rest of the year and my mental health went to shit and I think I've only really just recovered. So basically I AM NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN. I could function in that I passed all my classes and I went to work but I was basically in emergency survival mode and everyone was like, "Are you okay???" to me constantly because I really wasn't. If I didn't live with my parents I probably wouldn't have had the spoons to feed myself or wash any of my clothes. So. Yeah. NEVER AGAIN. I do feel kinda bad because when I calculate it... Work and uni combined, I'm doing 31 hours of work a week. That's not even a normal fulltime workload how in the ever loving fuck am I going to cope when I graduate and try to get a fulltime job. Then again, I find that teaching tires me out in a good, "I have done a Good Thing I am educating the youth and doing a thing I enjoy which is imparting knowledge and skills in a creative way," way so maybe I will be okay. I will not know until I get there so I should stop freaking out! Last weekend was kinda entirely me being like, "BIRD IS LEAVING AAAAAAAAH," so I think I will take this weekend to chill out. I will probably still try to get some work done on assignments (I have so many due next week and the week after I love how my uni's like, "Welcome back from holidays. I want an entire year's curriculum outline in my assignment box by Week 4," + 3 other assignments from my other subjects. Whee) but I will try to relax a lot! Maybe I'll continue one of my DA:I playthroughs. I need to stop starting new ones before I finish my old ones >.>; Anyway! Thank you all for your commiseration and advice!
I think it also makes sense that you're exhausted even if it's less than a normal work week? After all, you have at least one day that's got you busy for about 11 hours, even if there's multiple hour breaks between segments of your work and class load. I mean, it's still going out, driving/taking transport to locations, preparing and being available and active for several hours, at stop and go levels instead of just one set period of this, with an in-house half-hour-to-hour long break.
