I've been friends for a while with a guy who is either depressed or might be bipolar? He talks to me when he's having a rough time, cause it seems to help him feel better. I feel like I'm getting out of my depth though, I think his depression's getting worse. I'm not the only person he confides in, but... He's against being medicated, which I'm trying to respect, but I'm not sure what else would help. He has 'bad moments' when he feels particularly shitty, and according to him things overall are getting harder to push through. Frankly he sounds suicidal when he has these moments, in that not-gonna-take-action-just-sick-of-life way. I'm worried it'll get to gonna-take-action eventually though. He says he's "beyond help", and that he does deserve to feel shitty because he's a "defective robot" and a "vegetable that needs a computer to function". Idk what do.
First off: You're not his legal guardian, you're not his relative, and you're not the guy himself (and YES, depression is hard, but YES. he is still responsible for looking after himself and isn't doing that - I'm not saying this to blame him, I'm saying it because it's a fact). There's just nothing you can do to keep him from being super depressed, apart from what you already do - listen to him, be there for him. Maybe, maybe tell him that you're extremely concerned for him and that he needs to get help and yes, that means medication and he can rage all he wants about that as long as he stays alive. Other than that... forgive me if I'm out of line, but it seems to me, as someone who's done the Codependency Dance far more times than I wish I had, that you're getting a sense of responsibility for his life and his wellbeing that goes way beyond anything that really falls within your power. This disproportionate sense of responsibility is causing you a lot of suffering and it is not helping him. And yet, I know from experience that there's this undeniable appeal, if you're a good person (which you are), to the idea that you can help, or even that - how romantic! - you alone can help. But if he doesn't want to get better, that's way out of your league. You can even alienate him if you insist, because he still is the decision-maker in his own life. So, much more than asking yourself what to do for him, I urge you to take a few steps back and look after yourself first. This is really important. Don't let him drag you down with you. If ever, when talking to him, you feel yourself getting anxious or upset or hopeless, disengage for a moment - even if it's just to get up and get a glass of water from the kitchen - before returning to the conversation.
I think I may have given the wrong impression about the level of my personal distress. Like, obviously I don't want to see a friend in pain, or really anyone in pain, but I don't think it's causing me what I'd call suffering? More like "sad things are sad, how sucky :C" level of dismay. You have helped me put some perspective on the situation though, I might have ended up sliding down that road if I hadn't stopped to think about things that way. Overall these are really good points for me to keep in mind, thank you. :)
